4 ways SOCIETY ENABLES narcissists
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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“Abuse is abuse” – yup! Can’t wait to dig into this one.
Edit: After watching this, I can see why “victims” who stand up for themselves are scapegoated or antagonized too by the narcissist and anyone enabling the narcissist. “That sounds like a you problem” appears to be an attack to anyone who doesn’t know what healthy relating looks like.
Yup. Abuse dismissed against me because: “everyone wasn’t their best selves”.
Meaning because I reacted POORLY to the abuse? (And admitted it.) I got lumped in WITH THE ABUSER! 🤦♀️
Later I came back and reminded: ok, but I did not go after them with verbal aggression. They came after me trying to start fights. I’m NOT an aggressive person. I am known to not insist on my way but make room for others. They are KNOWN to be an aggressive “prickly” person whenever they don’t get their way. I did NOT physically assault them. They physically assaulted me. At least this is not my first narcissist-Rodeo. 😡 I am willing to stand up for my story.
The assumption that you’re SUPPOSED to IGNORE a Narcissist’s abuse is LUDICROUS‼️
If someone walked in and smacked you in the face every day 20 times would you be told to ignore that too? not this girl!
I stopped wondering if the abusive people in my life are narcissistic or have narcissistic personality disorder. Either way, they have abused me and I want no more of it.
Bout impossible- got to just stay away. Even if I ignore them they still poke!
true.
It’s really because of the enablers that make it so difficult to break free from the narcissist’s cycle of toxicity. I see enablers as being worse than the narcissist as they make sure the dysfunction never ends, and they’ll even defend and make excuses for the narcissist’s bad behavior.
Right on!!!!
Notice how whenever a big YouTuber or influencer gets canceled, their devoted fan base continues to support them and defend their actions, helping them redeem their image and continue on with their toxic behavior. Many of these blind followers are enablers of these narcissistic public figures.
The victim becomes an enabler as well for as long as it takes to become radically accepting
Yes.. I think subconsciously they understand what’s actually happening and don’t want to be targeted themselves, so they won’t stand up to the abuser.. but also our society encourages people to make excuses for abusers as a way to live in denial of power dynamics..
I was enabling because I thought it was baby steps in the bigger picture of mending my family
The best slogan anybody has said is: “when they show you who
they are … believe them the first time!” The longer you stay with
them, you believe they’re a horrible nightmare, but they might have
ways to keep you close by, like having a child with them…
That was Dr. Maya Angelou who said that
@@amarbyrd2520Thank you! I was trying to remember.
“Raised to be A-holes” I almost fell out of my chair. Yep. I’ve met a few.
Cultural Narcissism is a chapter in Dr. Remains book ‘don’t you know who I am’
My family is raising a-holes with their children and their children’s children.
Dr Ramani. I have been through this the last weeks as well and am 100 % supporting your work. This is not about the narcissistic person it is about them making you and my more after you suffer by showing you your true desires and wishes and then making feel you are not worth receiving it. In my case I lost my job and so my status. Which ended into a ghosting of my narcissistic relationship. Which is an absolutely no go. My message is that they pile up the good people and make them into scared and depressed people just to justify their suffering. Not acceptable.
Your example of the mosquito is so fascinating: Erasmus Darwin used the same analogy to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy sympathy. Sympathy has its limits, like health and safety, and it’s not unkind to refuse to let someone feed off of you.
Maybe someone can invent narcissism spray keep em away!!
Seven minutes in, Dr. Ramani laments too few clinicians discuss “how to teach clients how to protect themselves…” It’s not easy, but that could be the repellant.
Yesterday, I heard a story about a young girl in Ocean Springs, MS who ended her life. She was bullied by four other girls. One girls father held a key position at the school. After it happened, the girls posted to social media mocking the death. The mother of the girl who died has been taken to court by the families of the four girls, claiming defamation. I don’t watch the news, so I don’t know when this happened. This did happen one town over from me. I’m heartbroken for the mom. I homeschool my daughter (who happens to be the same age), but if she went to that school, I would be demanding the resignation of the father of one of the girls. I don’t usually advocate for cancellation, but none of the girls were held accountable for they did because of his position. No kid should go unpunished because their parents are who they are. It’s clearly an abuse of power. Knowing that my daughter is the same age, she could have easily been in the other girls shoes. Any of our kids could be. It’s very disturbing that the girls behaved in this way and there’s no accountability. They need to be taught at a young age that bullying people is wrong and you don’t mock the person after they die. I hate to see who these girls grow into. I pray for their future victims.
My nephew was bullied by the schoolprincipal and her flying monkeys(some teachers) and fell ill this year. He is afraid to go to school, any school. Note: this is a highly gifted child.
@@MariaNI-yf1bz I think that, unfortunately, highly gifted children – like those with developmental disabilities – become targets for the shallow popular crowd.
It’s so difficult dealing with someone who desires empathy but refuses to give it.
Is this actually possible? Empathy for what the narc went through… not their evil behavior!
My abuser would always demand that I show them empathy whenever they hurt me. They felt it was responsibility to be kind and forgive them quickly no matter how much harm they caused while never letting go of even the smallest mistakes I had made. It’s a difficulty that people won’t truly understand until they go through it, themselves.
@@mrivera3996 very true. I guess it’s something that people can’t fully comprehend until they experience it for themselves.
@@SherryTomlinson-r2ystop saying their evil sensitive much 😂😂😂
@@mrivera3996nah what I will never understand is how u victims refuse to fight back 😂its silly and being a punk ain’t gonna get u nowhere
Sadly, at this point in life, I have no more sympathy for those who harm us without impunity. Been through it TOO MANY times. I have empathy, yes, for childhood trauma and ensuing damage. Because that is my story too. But to then turn it out into the world, zero F’s given, never taking accountability, tearing through workplaces, relationships, families without so much as an apology….well, I have nothing to offer those entities. Avoid them! Shut them OFF. They literally shred the fabric of society.
Same mentality that blames the victim and sympathizes with the perpetrators.
Benefit of the doubt is built into our society and gives liars the advantage.
Beyond a reasonable doubt with enough evidence before believing the victim.
And the worst part is we don’t want to believe that even though they say I love you they really don’t care. Or worse depending on how cruel, vindictive, selfish, or sadistic they are that they meant to do harm.
Benefit of the doubt is * only * given to the people doing the abusing
So true ❤
THANK YOU for saying this. I am tired of hearing how people with personality disorders should be treated better because they’re “ill,” they can’t help it, etc. This is particularly true among the BPD crowd, who, incidentally, will often have narcissistic traits (at least). What about the people they terrorize?!
Exactly
I tend to look for help from NPD disorders (much more information than for BPD). My ex had BPD and the abuse from the victims perspective is identical, soul destroying and excruciatingly painful to say the least.
I was listening to a psychologist on a podcast discussing narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. He said something that stuck with me….. the saying, “hurt people, hurt people” is a lie. The truth is, “selfish people, hurt people” .
I’ll go one further: devilish ppl hurt ppl!
@@LKnaus123, I was thinking that this is demonic behavior.
How can people otherwise be intentionally this evil ?!
I just cannot wrap my head around all of this.
It’s astonishing!!!
I stopped wondering whether the people who abuse me in my life are narcissistic or have narcissistic personality disorder. Either way, they have abused me, and I want no more of it.
The emotional and psychological toll it takes on you as you watch people you know, care about, or even love excuse and enable the behavior and actions of your abuser is horrifically tremendous. They deny your truth and lived experiences while seeing your abuser as the real victim. They choose to focus on the manner in which you responded to your abuse and ignore the abuse that elicited the response, in the first place. Your mind gets terrorized and you’re made to feel as if you deserve the punishment. You lose people that were once great friends as your abuser purposely turns them against you one by one. It’s a slow, maddening, unbelievably painful torture that changes you forever. I wish this on no one.
This attitude is fueled by the new “Christian” question that is always asked “Have you forgiven him/her?” I am 71 and grew up in the traditional Catholic church. I never heard or was asked that question. I certainly would never (and still don’t) ask that question. Forgiveness was and is between you, God and your confessor (in my case a priest). Now it appears to be the first question out of people’s mouths. This just adds fuel to the fire because it is essentially taking the blame off of the narcissist and putting it on the shoulders of the abused. You’re the bad person for not immediately forgiving them. I once told someone that I have been sexually abused and her first question was (you guessed it) “Have you forgiven him?”
THANK YOU!!! You have no idea how important is what you do. Your book and videos have changed my life and now I’m in the process of divorcing my narcissistic husband of 21 years. This information has helped me in the process of getting my freedom physically and emotionally 💖
Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏 If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I’d be alive now. Thank you for seeing us!
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The same people who pretend not to see, or just won’t acknowledge someone else’s abuse when it’s of an emotional/verbal nature will be the loudest – LOUDEST to punch back when a hint of it comes their way. It’s a true marvel to watch. They are just another kind of selfish bully; they give nothing and expect everything.
Understanding a Narcissist will help a Survivor survive. 🍒
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