5 alarming signs you’re trauma bonded
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
You just described how my sister sucked me back in to having anything…to do with her. I can live without her. I just don’t know why she won’t quit trying to connect. Outside of my abusive husband my sister is the other worst narcissist I have interacted with.
Being raised with the narc sister made you a prime target for narc hubby/hubbies/colleagues the lot – we are trained to overlook transgressions.
@FaithfulandTrue949 Exactly. And I’m painfully empathetic and the Queen of Second Chances. I call myself that but do have a limit.
My Trauma Bond With The Narcissit Was Very Hard To Break 9 Yrs..
1/ Loss Of Identity
2/ Feeling Powerless
3/ Difficult Setting Boundaries Saying No To The Narcissit
4/ Obsessive Thoughts About The Abuse /Overwhelming of Sadness.
5/ Difficulty Leaving
I Have 2 Months of No Contact.
I am just now going through the same thing!
I gave it my all and more for 7 and a half years and when I finally started noticing every little detail about his behaviour and how he was treating me, I finally realised I wasn’t in a healthy relationship and left 2 months ago.
He had bombarded me with msgs and calls for the last month. He even dropped by my house 2 days back!
I’ve been in a downward spiral ever since and still unable to get back up.
Sometimes I’m very confident and feel good about myself that I finally gathered the courage to leave.
But sometimes I still become unsure about whether I’m doing the right thing or not… I’m so confused and have no idea what to do or think.
Congratulations!!! 🙂
Keep on going 💪, I am preparing myself to start breaking it 🙂
(She has something, that she knows I care about, but hopefully not for long)
The sad part is that there was an actual trauma experience in my relationship. We both were stabbed. I refused to do news interviews because of my trauma. He talked to every reporter who called. When I finally agreed and I made sure that they knew that it was my daughter who was my hero.
When I was cutting those trauma bonds….how they hated it.I’m glad they rejected the not usefull person/me/.Narcissism is a sickness.
Absolutely straight on target. How often have I heard that statement, “I can’t live with them and I can’t live without them.” ❤ Many thanks 🎉
Wow! You are brilliant Dr Ramani!
It’s like you are here living with me and my narc husband!
That’s how I felt with my soon to be ex husband… It took me months to realize that him leaving me was a blessing in disguise. Honestly even after he left me for his mistress, we would still see each other, until the weekend of my birthday of last year. He had an argument with her, he came over my apt, and we were intimate. The next day, on my actual birthday, she called me and texted me. I knew she wanted to know if we spent the night together. I finally decided to not tell her, ignore her, and finally try to move on. Idk why but I still miss him sometimes, just what i thought we had…
Oc we miss every1 that we leave/leaves us behind. We are very social creatures. 1.think of sth else or postpone your thoughts. 2. Talk about it with some1 else but not selftalk. Don’t think about it, put on a song and shake for a couple min and smile. Smiling is good for your brain and releases dopamine when u do it
So Brilliant!!! You deserve a Nobel prize! Thank you!!! 👍❤
Needed to listen to this today. I do feel messy, and confused. I feel like I’m the bad guy, and when I do call the bs out, I’m told that I’m mean. Thank you for your helpful video, and validating what is really happening to nice people.
Yes I’m told by the Narcissist I’m being abused it’s so so sick I am no contact and I am told you don’t come back you get nothing. I’m in hell right now and finding help is so difficult.
@ I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. It’s horrible, however we have options, and we will get through this, and be stronger. It’s time to love, and protect ourselves 🙏❤️
Thanks Dr. Ramani! I never fully understood the trauma bond. Thanks to you now I do. My situation…I have a best friend/non blood family member of 44 years who is a covert narcissist (and alcoholic for the past +10 years). Since she became an alcoholic, the bad behaviour greatly increased in frequency, and she could not wear her mask around me. The major abuse was always in private. Your videos helped me get through the process of seeing who she truly is, grieving the relationship, falling out of love with her, and finally disassembling the bond and having no fear of losing her. Sticky situation is that I am the Godmother to her children, so I cannot totally cut ties. Now I just view her as a necessary evil that over holidays I have to endure and the occasional phone call for her to tell me all the parties, overseas trips, how wonderful her life is (eyeroll). Mindset is to treat her like a toddler. When she does try and “Hoover/Breadcrumb” me, I don’t fall for it, as thanks to you I know better. I used to love her with all my heart…after going through the grieving process, which took months, I have detached. Now I view her with sadness, as she is such a pathetic human being who prays on others. Best of luck to all those going through this painful process. Remember YOU are worth it! Blessings for healing for all that have a narcissist in their life.
“Their bad choice cannot be your prison” <-- 👏
I had so much trauma bonding in my family of origin, i didn’t know it was that, but i remember saying to my now partner “my father was so horrible that I’m worried I’ll still wind up with a bad partner because bad could still be better than him, but still bad.” I always worry that I’m in unhealthy relationships, not as unhealthy as where i came from, but still unhealthy…
I get you. But you can know what you will put up with and won’t. Look for what you need in others- good conversation, feel safe, empathetic- nobody is perfect! My dad was a psychopath narc. They’re like the WORST role models!
I can’t say how much you and your U-Tube Channel has, helped me see the light. From my Narc brother to my Narc wife and Narc friends, I was their vic. However, you have helped me identify them and other Narcs, before they can sink their fangs into me.
Thank You !
I was raised as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family and I have spent a lifetime thinking I am the bad one.
Same here.Always low in confidence
Me too, so I worked on my own character. It taught me to be able to identify what was happening. Having my own narrative and being able to hold onto it is an improvement. I have found the closer I get to reality and truth, the happier I am! My mother is the only person who has EVER tried to tell me I am difficult, mean, irrational, unreasonable, or scary; until my ex husband, of course.
Thankfully I have enough experience out in the public world so that I know her idea of me isn’t what anyone else has ever thought, when they’ve gotten to know me. She couldn’t define me to ALL of my college peers and professors, then all the office coworkers, colleagues, all the different programs I’ve been in, etc,; although that isn’t to say she didn’t try! 😂
Same case in my family. Im the scapegoat and im always the disappointment and the worst person ever
@marysisak2359 “It’s Not You.” It never was. You and I are worthy of happiness, peace and prosperity. Our lives are our own. We no longer need to take on the mistakes of others, We never did. Hugs to you, sister. 💙 💙 💙 💙 💙
You’re not
Dr Ramani, your videos and books have helped me so much in the past few months. I’ve finally opened my eyes to all the signs my neglectful narcissist partner was showing me through our 11 years of marriage. After being cheated on and breadcrumbed for years I finally stood up for myself and was told I’ve ruined the relationship and she’s moving out because she needs space, but I must still look after our daughter and manage the household. Yesterday I ended the relationship. I feel a huge weight has been lifted and I thought I’d be devastated from my trauma bond like previous attempts I’ve had to fix the relationship but I actually just feel calm. Good luck to everyone facing the challenges of narcissism in its various forms.
“I’m a bit of a handful myself.”
“Eh, you probably arent.”
This is vitally important!!
I always thought i was a very difficult person, because i couldn’t get along with my mother who “so clearly loved me.” i needed to have a set of virtues that i could stand firm in, within myself, regardless of the external world. It made a world of difference to be able to rationally measure the words i said and the words they said and to KNOW that i was not being or doing what they were claiming. Being able to identify a mechanism and brush off their words as irrelevant is so useful, and something they do to us all the time. It helps level the playing field.
I do have my issues, but my estranged wife made me believe that I was much worse than I actually am. I’ve been trained by her to simply accept the situation with her out of fear that she would make things so much worse for me. I had broken contact with my family to keep drama between her and them to a minimum. I went on a trip out of state with my elderly mother and my sister to attend a funeral. My life has been absolute hell ever since. All because I started speaking to my family again.
It should be made international law to punish narcissistic abuse. What is even worse and makes of a bigger problem is how people on the outside, close not so close, everyone, the society closes their eyes- yet some of them know what manipulating, ghosting and discarding is. Not everyone is as strong emotionally as WE the survivors of this type of abuse some people commit suicide because of this intimate BETRAYAL. I am so sad and disgusted that people just don’t care and continue dealing and enabling these people and their behavior. I wish one day there will be LAW. It is NOT ok emotional/psychological abuse is ABUSE just like physical/ or sexual.
Agree every word Yes should be law
So much of this video is relevant to me. As I heal, the narcissists will use my healing to say I am the narcissist and have used the flying monkeys to make me be the bad person. One narcissist just tried to reconnect for him self only. I did engage and glad I did. My suspension he was narcissistic were confirmed. In his absence, I have gained wisdom and knowledge to back up my suspicions. I can rest in self compassion. Clarity brings rest and peace. Thank you.
Watched twice b2b extremely helpful, timely, just being stonewalled after breadcrumb & devalued, 5th chance and hopefully the last 🙏🏻