5 toxic expressions that shame people in narcissistic relationships
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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❤❤Thank you Dr Ramani♥️♥️ for validating my experience. Your lifesaving vlogs & New book have been my purest Goto Therapy….much love🌺🌷
One experience I had with narcissists is that they use guilt shaming as a manipulative tactic. I remember I would call out bad behavior or things they did that would make me feel uncomfortable, and instead of acknowledging it, they deflect or flip it around to justify their actions and make themselves look like the victim. This type of response only shows that they want you to stay silent and tolerate their behavior and weaponizing guilt to avoid taking accountability.
Yes! My ex would just not even be making effort and i would say what i needed and he would rage that i was so selfish and only thought about myself.
I grew up being the fixer. I learned that there are many people that don’t want to be fixed. I now leave them broken. It is not my job. It’s only my job to fix me.
Most women are raised to be fixers. Mom was a fixer. She believed it was her job to fix everything. Her boys grew up to marry fixers and her daughters married men who needed fixing. Not a good system at all.
Same here… Well done❤❤🤗😄👏🏾👏🏾. Stay away and keep fixing YOU. Watch how they all stay broken. It’s been 5 peaceful years and I am staying away, firm boundaries in place & love them from a distance. That’s 💯👌🏾”it’s not my job. It’s only my job to fix me” Keep healing Anita❤🤗
I grew up that way too, as the fixer. What a setup. Took me a long time to unlearn the habits of thought and behavior. It’s a big relief.
Thank you for the helpful, to me, observation.
Exactly how I grew up fixing everything for everyone. Went into adulthood and raising my kids. Now after I’ve been broken by those I held so dearly. TIME FOR ME!
When you discard them they play the victim, when they discard you they play the victim.
A narcissist will make fun of us if we try teaching them how to treat us. They’ll minimize, gaslight, devalue, discard, and rage. What bright side? You said it.
Absolutely.
Pretty much. I hate when people say to teach them how you want to be treated. There was many times I brought up issues that I wasn’t happy about just to be minimized, gaslit, devalued, and blame shifted onto me for even questioning them. Teaching them how to treat you doesn’t work, they do to you what they want with no care about you and your feelings.
I kept Trying to Save the World , literally. Being super Empathic, I found myself always Trying to Rescue, Save , and wanting to help. Quite often, I lacked the skills, information, and Know How and Boy Did I Ever get Played by some Predatory people ! Dr. Ramani You Literally Saved my Sanity, on More than One occasion . Thank you, Thank you, Thank you !!!
I was always taught to date with both eyes open and then close one eye after marriage.
Unfortunately, being positive in a narcissist relationship is, not only, nearly impossible but also dangerous. I heard a quote a few weeks ago that summed it up perfectly.
“When you see the world through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” –GOLDEN!!!
This!
So true
😮😱😮….❤
I grew up hearing all of these lovely proverbs. Especially, “Good things come to those who wait.” I waited and I withered under the thumb of a malignant narcissist father. Their abuse never stops no matter how patient we are. It never gets better. Staying means learning that the hard way.
I immediately knew the answer was “No” when you asked about that proverb. It puts the responsibility on You for their behavior and that is soooooooo not correct.
This Sigma Empath will lovingly teach the healthy morals and values which are the basis for how to treat someone with appreciation, respect, trust , equality, kindness, compassion, empathy, and the list goes on and on.
I’ll also help someone by teaching how to walk away from a narcissistic person. Have done it many times, family and non family.
Another valuable podcast Dr. Ramani. Thank you. ❤
Lies and secrets are so sweet and comforting ! What if we are all already enough? Love and beauty are our inner nature !
Oscar Wilde was both wise and humorous – of an orphan, “To lose one parent, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
I truly think the toxic harm is the transference of shame from them… it replaces our inner voice.
We believe them. Culture shame.
They don’t change, I’m soooo tired of the passive aggressive digs from my mother despite my continually asking her to stop, my whole family does this, so teaching people how to treat you doesn’t apply with everyone. I have learnt to not take it on and not believe their lies and criticisms about me. Keeping my boundaries and identity and worth despite them. Focusing on truths. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I understand…….well said. ❤
I tried to teach the narcissist how to treat me. I had no idea what covert narcissism was, I knew nothing about the cycle of abuse, I was just very ignorant. I thought, like any normal and healthy person, they wanted to know things like that, ways to improve, to make the relationship better. I finally realize that they just did not care. And I started seeing that a couple of weeks before figuring out what covert narcissism was, but I couldn’t understand why. Once I figured out what kind of relationship dynamic I was in, the relationship ended within a couple of days. But I do agree that we need to learn these things in school. We learned the very basics of relationships in school, don’t hit people, don’t be mean, say please and thank you. Yeah, this does no good at all in a narcissistic relationship.
As to the proverb regarding the devil… His painful and hard as being alone is, being alone is better than being with any devil any day.
Dr Ramani: That saying came from Oprah Winfrey. Maybe she learned about it from Maya Angelo.
And when it comes to these dangerous narcissists, it truly doesn’t apply.
I so agree with you. Thank you for edifying the public !!
Dr. Ramani, you often make me look at things I’d rather not have to… Thank you.
After listening to dozens of hours of your content I actually love the proverb of you teach people how to treat you. When you’re healing I think what you take from that is that if you mistreat me you won’t see me. The toxic bit is burdening yourself waiting for them to change and treat you differently. Staying is teaching them they can mistreat you and you won’t leave.
It’s too late when you’re in, but when you’re out and see it I think it can be useful moving forward.
Thank you Dr. Ramani as to these proverbs. You have summarized them excellently. It is true, we have to be careful not to get stuck with control of the narrative any of these proverbs give. There has to be balance. It is as you mentioned in another of your videos that some people get obsessed with schadenfreude as to the outcome they want to see of someone narcissistic in a given scenario. In contrast, in my humble opinion, this is very much the scenario as to how Digital technology and Artificial Intelligence as the developments of the millennium over the 20th Century though these advances of modernity are great in assisting our everyday living they seem to make obsolete many of these wise sage sayings as being the go to sayings we leaned on back in the day.
My foster mom would shame me asking “why do you let that person abuse you?” You hit the nail on the head at 8:01 🎉 I didn’t realize I came from narcissistic parents and then drugged to drooling at 12, aged out of state care and spent years in psych hospitals. They never told me how to be, only that I was not possibly good enough. But there was no reason for all of it and I’m not crazy.