How do narcissists twist YOUR pride Into shame?
Have you ever felt afraid to share your accomplishments – worried you’d come off as arrogant or be judged as narcissistic? Many survivors of narcissistic abuse struggle to tell the difference between genuine humility and the self-silencing they were conditioned into. In this video, we explore how narcissistic relationships distort our comfort with being seen, celebrated, or proud. If you downplay your wins or feel guilty just for being yourself, this will help you untangle why.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Happy Monday Everbody🫶🏻
I think the childhood trauma Ive suffered in my Narc family have caused my silence and quietness. I dont like to show out or talk in front of everyone. I tru to do as much as possible but quietly and away from others. My past has essentially did some damage.
I was like that then changed at some point. When I found my voice I also found trouble. I’m still learning to balance using my voice and not being too emotional or read wrong. I’m better at it now. But I feel robbed of life not learning these essential skills in childhood because of my narc family. I feel you, that damage is life changing and horrific to live through.😢😢
I jumped at this so fast. I have many skills, and if I didn’t have such an internal commitment to staying small and avoiding attention and accolades, my life would look so much different right now. You’d think I’d be able to just CHOOSE the good life, but… I’m programmed different. ONE DAY I WILL!
Also lol at my last narcissistic partner loving my humility. “You’re just so… humble! 😍😍” He also loved my authenticity and how big my feelings were. Until they got too big, of course.
But my mom is the worst. She raised me to stay small and be “humble” and if I tell her anything exciting about my life she makes some comment like “at least you don’t struggle with your self esteem!” Oh how inaccurate of a take that is.
I hardly have a self concept.
I used to take my mom seriously but now I always say, “If I can’t share my accomplishments with my mom, who can I share them with?” Then she tries telling me she was just kidding and I should chill out and calm down.
The most immature emotion I carry is a hatred for my mom. While loving her. I love her for her but hate her for what she did to me, the person she “loves more than anything!!!!!!” Yet in trying to teach me how to succeed, she taught me how to delete myself. Fear-based parenting is a real b*tch. I think I just realized why my mom has confused me so much; she isn’t a narcissist, but the survival skills she learned while living with a tyrannical narcissist her entire childhood have made her seem like one, demanding from me the same behavior and identity changes her dad demanded from her.
“Learn to be small and silent to keep ourselves safe.” I try to overcome this every day.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I needed this today in particular. I can’t imagine where I’d be without your teachings and energy of acceptance and peace!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My birthday was on Father’s Day this year. I didn’t say anything to my father, I’ve gone no contact the past 6 months and he made an entire Facebook post conflating how I don’t talk to him and saying how he doesn’t need me because he has new people in his life and trying to get sympathy.
Anyway, I’m glad I’ve had videos like yours and books, resources and a good community cos that would’ve normally sent me into a tailspin. But I’m actually happy my father has a support around him.
I just don’t need to be apart of that. Cos if we weren’t family, we damn sure wouldn’t be friends. I don’t get sad seeing Father’s Day posts because I just think of it like I literally do not have parents. So at 29 (as of yesterday) I’m so at peace and I’m so healed and happy, it doesn’t bother me anymore.
These videos bring me comfort in my decision to go no contact.
Happy Birthday from someone who cares about you❤
Happy birthday to you 🎂
He cried for himself but he didn’t remember that is your birthday !? It’s so typical for a narcissist.
Happy birthday to you !
It must be very hard…. I’m sending you a hug! Happy bday 🤗
All the time! I’d get roped into crazy arguments if I celebrated or defended myself.
Tough one from those of us that were raised as the scapegoat.
Jey Reid talks about the 3 pillars of recovery, and the last one is “living in defiance of the narcissistic parent rules”. Hope you are giving the good fight, and treating you with self care ☺️❤️
Its never enough and it never will be. We all learn this fact.
im 53 and still the scapegoat. my sisters drug problem to my dads many affairs. the physical assaults started once i turned 18.
🐐 scapegoats are the GOATs of the family unit
@@00M13-m9f GOATs? What would be the difference with “scapegoat”? Thanks in advance 😊❤️
Never reveal what you are successful at, never reveal what you love, never reveal your concerns, and never allow them in. They will use everything against you that they possibly can. Because it is always about them.
This week marks two years since my narc spouse died of an aneurysm after I went “No Contact” to finally be free. I am proud to say that I have rediscovered my Voice and am no longer afraid to speak about myself or express an opinion. The healing comes in time!!!
The best way to deal with someone caught in narcissistic tendencies that harm you, when they start being jealous or envious of you, is to not absorb it but observe it. If you can get to the point where you can stand outside of yourself and nurture yourself with this observation about this person doing this to you you will start to grow better and better.
Fellow survivors: toward getting a life! That’s not a destructive self-criticism or being mean. It’s a positive statement.
True humility not false humility. When we’ve had our true selves subsumed by opposing forces we never learn how we actually are internally what we were allowed to do. Because we just weren’t allowed to before.
Yess I was experiencing deep rage this Father’s Day. I was totally beside myself! Including still dealing with narcissist now and the aftermaths of other narcissistic abuse from others. I had to chill and realize I was being triggered! A lifetime of this abuse! Yes I’m angry as hell and I’m hurt as heck too. Angry I still have to deal with these types and the deep wounds I am still dealing with. Yes I had to humble myself- and lick my wounds and calm my anger down for myself. In so many ways we learn to humble ourselves appropriately.
Scapegoats are trained not to be “too big” not be seen or heard, shut down, silenced, small. It was unnatural for me. We are naturally humble. I’m overcoming the “forced” humility label. Thank you❤
Yes. Painful. Hurts a great, great deal.
Brilliant. Talking about ANY good thing that you have done becomes “thinking too much of oneself”, and another form of gaslighting. Crazy making!
Whenever I had something good to report, my sister would always respond with, “You think you’re so great because… “
So much like my sister
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. There is no pride from abuse of power experienced from narcissist trait person, relationship. One has to heal from trauma from prolonged ritualistic abuse.
I swear this was my upbringing. Always had to be “Taken down a notch”.
LONG RANT.
I have a narcissistic parent that screwed me up pretty bad. I didn’t understand why I had so much self hate, shame, guilt, + an eating disorder until I started going to therapy at 26. I didn’t even realize I was an adult until I was 26 because I was kept in a child like dependent state for so long. I had no opinions, no thoughts cuz my thoughts were my mother thoughts and everytime I tried to have my own opinion or think for myself, those thoughts would quickly dismantle them. It’s cuz that’s what my relationship was like with my mother. As a result, I was constantly (literally) at war in my head. Through therapy I started to break down those walls and I was finally able to break free from my mother’s thoughts, but a lot of the effects still linger sometimes. Because I was so desperate to find an escape from my mom, I let ppl in my life that I should not have which leaves the door open for narcissists. I ended up having to end a friendship because I finally woke up and saw that I was dealing with the same kinda personality. The biggest ick is the LIES. Now at 29, I still have resentment but I’m much better than what I used to be. It’s scary to think how messed up mentally I was and did not even know it. I just knew I was never happy.
To anyone who’s suffering depression, anxiety, insomnia and other mental health problems, you are not alone. I feel you. You are so brave. You are doing so well. I’m proud of you. I’m sending you a virtual hug ❤ For me, it wasn’t therapy or meds that helped the most — it was reconnecting with myself. I started using the exercises in Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks, and it made me feel human again. The anxiety that used to control my whole day barely shows up now! 🙏❤
I totally get this. When I bought my first home, I was so happy and proud of myself and then a family member said, “you just think you’re all that!” I was stunned, hurt and confused. Now I know why this person said that. What a gut punch.