Do you CRINGE at who YOU were in your narcissistic relationship?
Have you ever cringed when looking back at yourself in a narcissistic relationship—remembering the justifications, the eggshell walking, or the times you kept trying to fix what was never yours to fix? It’s called the shame look back, and it can keep you stuck and slow down your healing. But the truth is, you weren’t foolish—you were human, trying to connect and survive in an impossible situation. Let’s break the cycle of self-blame and start seeing your past self with the compassion you always deserved.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Yes!! it makes me feel sick and makes me feel sick any time I have to engage with them.
Yes! Every time I tried to reason with them using logic. 🤦🏼♀️
I don’t cringe, but I feel bad for the younger me who thought she was doing ‘the right thing’ by constantly trying to do everything for everyone. When you know better, you can do better. I’m focused now on thinking through decisions and making them with my own best interests in mind now. Not an automatic ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but a considered response because I actually matter.
You only know when you know. Move on stronger and wiser with self-compassion ❤
I am so proud for you! Life is soooo good!
And you DEFINITELY matter!
Same, still growing and doing better.
No, I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I was thinking logically and narcs don’t act that way. The gaslighting, breadcrumbing and devaluing drove me crazy because it would. No, the only thing I feel is angry at being abused.
I feel you I know what it was like
Whenever I feel cringe or stupid for the past, I repeat to myself, “You didn’t know what you didn’t know”. We all did the best we could with the information and the tools that were available. Be kind to yourself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for the compassionate work that you do.❤
Same!
I love that!! “You didn’t know what you didn’t know.” Perfect reminder.
Oh yes ! I see it so clearly now it makes me nauseous indeed. Nothing! Absolutely nothing works with a true narcissistic individual. They are in my opinion sociopathic. If you have to stay in a relationship like this it’s not just radical accepting of them but you MUST lead your own life around them. This is the difficult part. Ultimately if you can get away “Run.” They will NEVER change and it’s NOT you.
I had two narcissistic parents. I learned to behave like a narcissist from them. I was dismayed to see how my normal behavior was hurting people’s feelings. After I grew up and separated from them, I stopped behaving like them, and things have gone much better for me socially.
Wow. Thank-you for your wonderful honesty and for your courage to face so much.
No cringing at myself even when I saw and heard everything.
I don’t beat myself up since that doesn’t have any worth or productivity.
I didn’t believe what I was told since I watched actions.
I had to figure out my “exit” approach on the proper timeline and at my own pace.
I learned a whole hell of a lot about narcissistic behaviors from the different folks around me who had these…and I learned a whole hell of a lot more about myself.
When I walked away from these different people, I never looked back and I appreciate my new boundaries.
What could have crushed me actually made me even more knowledgeable and robust as I continue to live forward.
Funny ironic how the tides turned…and I am more diligent about being true to myself. ❤
Needed to hear this. The self compassion part was priceless.
Yes, absolutely, I cringe at how I was during these terrible years. And yes, I feel I could have done and behaved a heck of a lot better. At the same time, thank God I can look back at it all today and say: “I didn’t know what I know today” and “I tried the best I could at the time.”
I am ashamed when I look back. I drastically lowered my standards in the name of trying to encourage them to love me.
Same.. i let go of good friendships and steered toward toxic ones.
Wow…. I’ve felt the same Way….😮
@@ajaytulsiani564……I wasn’t ALLOWED to have ANY FRIENDS….
That cloak of shame doesn’t belong to you. My guess is that you’d readily say that sincerely to someone else. You deserve to give yourself the same grace that you’’d give others. I get it. I have to remind myself every day 🌼
ha, same for me, never would date a guy like my ex.. i cannot reco😢gnise myself..
Through it all just can’t believe I put up and tolerated the type of disrespect
So brilliant. Two things take longer to heal from narcissistic relationships: It WASN’T you and It’s NOT you. Stop kicking yourself for what you didn’t know. Yes, it is harder than it sounds, so give it as long as it takes. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
Absolutely I cringed at how much crap I put up with, the things I did that I can’t ever take back, and how much I hated myself.
But I know better now. I mourn the life I lost. I have compassion for myself and can finally say NO WONDER my life turned out the way it did. The blame is distributed where it belongs instead of solely upon my shoulders.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Totally been there.
Are you sure you are not reading my mind? Every new video is exactly what I had currently been struggling with. A word to others, I am 72 and there was none of this talk when I was seeking answers and suffering alone. Please take it from me, do not waste anymore time. If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for all of us that lost time and experienced incredible suffering. Suffering that served absolutely no useful purpose. As. Dr. R has said “There is no virtue in being someone else’s emotional punching bag.”
Absolutely 👍 I felt weak & defeated, betrayed & lied to.. now, I found my backbone & won’t tolerate a second with a narc thanks to Dr. Ramani!!!
👍🏿
I do a Lot of Cringing Knowing Now what I did Not Know them . But then I breathe a Huge Sigh of RELIEF that the Toxic Charmer is Finally, Out of My Life !
I’ve done that work. I looked at my survival patterns from childhood and then my repetition compulsion patterns with narcissistic partners before I got into therapy, and then I also looked at my patterns with therapists who didn’t understand narcissism, too.
@DoctorRamani you’re absolutely my personal Therapist through your videos that I can not afford. Your delivery and the tools you share feel so personal for me. It’s like I am in your office, reclining in your sofa, listening to your understanding and sincerely caring voice. THANK YOU MA’AM ❤❤
The breakup of my five-year relationship has left me heartbroken. I’ve tried everything to rekindle things, but so far, nothing has worked, and I’m finding it hard to move on.
It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn’t just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Father Obah Eze has also helped my co workers and close friends and even family members get their ex back.
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. I just looked him up, and I’m genuinely impressed.