Am I SELFISH for going NO CONTACT?

@leefossett5777 says:

I went no contact almost 10 years and it has been hard! I am the black sheep now. I think the narcissist blames me for everything. I’m the scapegoat. My sister goes back & forth and minimizes the pain and abuse. She keeps telling me, “well, I just choose to forgive. You live in the past.” I just can’t take the pain. I find myself longing for accountability for the narcissist (my stepmother of over 60 years). She took so much from me. I just get tired. I’m working on my spiritual life (it’s all I really have).

@AccidentalCarnivore-ul3kg says:

I went no contact after a lifetime of abuse, disrespect and invalidation. My eyes finally opened at age 50 in 2021. I realized I had to save myself. It’s been painful, yet liberating.

@julianhudson9341 says:

I don’t feel selfish at all. I went no contact with my birth family and those defending them verbally or with silence. I did not suddenly decide to shun them. It took years to get to that point.

For years, I tried to make peace with them even after I was grown and moved out. They even had the nerve to say it’s “All in the past.” But they knew THEN what they did, so that’s no excuse. The silent partners (SP) who chose to “mind their business” instead of defending me, but attacked me after the fact for defending myself had the same behavior and excuses.

My birth family and SP all accuse me of holding a grudge for not forgiving them freely for abuse. They pissed on EVERY chance I gave them. I owe no one repeated chances to hurt me. Not personal or business. I have NO regrets! 💯

@mancdec says:

No contact is a painful last resort.

@Atheistbatman says:

I remember one time my mother said I was so selfish…I only thought of myself.
My reply was Who else was going to think about me? I have to be selfish because I care about me…no one else does.

@gared287 says:

I am a 70-year-old man. You are completely correct when you say the issues are complex and going NC is a decision that is most likely made over a long period of time. I left my parents’ home when I was 19 years old. After that, I put myself through four years of college, had gainful employment and owned a few small businesses. I also bought houses, etc., and can be regarded as successful in my adulthood. My Father was an alcoholic and Narcissist who felt the need to tell me how much better he was than I. He was also verbally and physically abusive. Once he hit me so hard in the face that he gave me a bloody nose. My Mother is a religious fanatic and uses that to abuse people. My Father is deceased, but I decided to go NC with my Mother and Sister over 10 years ago. Their anger and abuse just never stopped. On three separate occasions, my Mother said we ‘should go our separate ways’ when I declined to meet her various demands. I finally accepted her offer. As you said, doing so makes life easier, but it still hurts…..