How narcissistic relationships rewire you
Narcissistic relationships don’t just hurt—they rewire how you communicate, advocate for yourself, and even see your own worth. In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down how survivors adapt through hinting, silencing themselves, and fawning—often without realizing it. If you've ever felt like you lost your voice, your confidence, or your sense of reality, this is the insight you’ve been needing. Learn how to unlearn the survival patterns that narcissistic abuse leaves behind.
Being in a narcissistic relationship and being surrounded by narcs can really make you feel that everybody in the world is a narcissist. Like I’m always on guard now everytime I meet new people.
So true
100% I have met dozens of narcissists. They are so common. It’s terrifying!
Me, too. And not just new people. Everybody. I don’t trust or believe what anyone sayes. I assume everyone is lying. Just can’t stand the moment when I realize someone I was believing and trusting were lying for their own benefit and betraying me. It is so infuriating that I never go to that place of trust to begin with in order to avoid the grief of realizing I’ve been had.
True, it’s also a gift to be aware that narcissists are among us. And once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. It makes you a wiser person.
My comment is off topic but I hope you all can see where I’m coming from. Thanks to DoctorRamani videos and her guidance. I can see that when come to “outside conflict around the world”. Everybody always “blame USA” for their own problems, short coming or when they don’t get things their way.
Always struggling and surviving. Even in the situations that don’t require survival…
Dr. Ramani…. This is like untangling a knot 🪢 of thoughts in my head into a perfect rope of eloquent and concise messages of WTF is going on in my confusing life! Aaahhhh 😌 Thanks again 💜💚💙
We hint our needs out of fear of being punished for being “too direct”. 🙄
THIS. Society caters to male narcissists – often authority figures – and punishes women and marginalized people TERRIBLY if we are direct and don’t hint
In couples therapy the therapist said I was being passive aggressive by hinting then when I was super straightforward I was bitching. There was no behavior practice from me that was ok. The narcissistic partner was continually seen as the victim in the therapists eyes. Then when I would try to voice my views, opinions or concerns I was “trying to win” and why am I so defensive and trying to “win”? Then when I became silent I was “sulking” or withholding.
Couples therapy is never a good idea with a narcissist,
They are Masters at manipulating…
I’m so sorry you went through that. What you’re describing is, unfortunately, something a lot of survivors experience in couples therapy with a narcissistic partner. When the therapist isn’t trauma-informed or trained to recognize manipulative dynamics, they can end up pathologizing the person who is reacting to the abuse rather than the one causing it.
That’s terrible. And can be pretty frustrating I’d imagine. In that case, removing yourself completely from the situation is probably the healthiest option and at the same time reaching out or trying other licensed therapists. No matter what, you’ll always be blamed for everything, while already holding yourself accountable. Meanwhile the narcassist will continue to somehow skate away scot-free without being held accountable at all, ever. Hang in there. You got this!!!!
It feels like nothing we do works, no amount of love, kindness, compassion, attention, care, flexibility, or respect is enough💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani for the education and validation you bring to survivors and the whole world ❤❤❤
It’s never enough – with a narc. You are enough!
@@malaikavidaThank you! We are enough❤
To the production team: thank you for fixing the sound. 🎉
I am very cautious now and develop friendships more cautiously and slowly. I don’t share as much as I used to. I am very observant now.
Simply love Dr. Ramani. My hubby and I both were raised by narcs and abusive parents and even siblings. Been married for 28 years now. We have had our share of fights with one another. Our arranged marriage might not have started with the romanticism but it always had a commitment. No matter how bumpy the ride got initially, that commitment kept us working on it. We started to acknowledge and appreciate each other’s goodness, and strengths, truly and sincerely. We may not fawn over each other but we solidly believe in each other’s goodness and wisdom. We both exhibited (and still do) the signs of being raised by those people that we are only finding language for now. But we have now come to the point where we are ready to be that immune person for each other. He would do it for me and I for him. We broke that abusive cycle by raising (hopefully) a kid with respect. Thank you Dr. Ramani for continuing to give words to our feelings, our behaviors, and our tactics, and for providing clarity and solutions. ❤
The narcissistic ex said something to me about liking attention when I showed him a photo with my sister and grandpa when we were young where he was tickling us. Grandpa is meaningful to me. I wondered what he meant and then he said because I was looking at the camera. Looking at the photo… I actually wasn’t looking at the camera… just facing that direction. Even if someone is looking at the camera… that’s often what you do when someone’s taking a photo. Or you could be looking at the person taking the picture.
My mother always told me how to feel and how wrong I was. She had all kinds of saying to me. If I was happy about something that was or might happen, she would say, “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” If I was unhappy, she would say, ” Oh, get rid of your long face!” If someone was cruel to me she would say, ” You’re just jealous!” When she found out that I had been raped at age 13 she said ” If you EVER disgrace your father’s name, I would rather see you dead at my feet.” According to her, I was always wrong and she would speak poorly of me to other relatives how bad I was which would cause them to treat me poorly.
Your mother was wrong on all counts I’m sorry you went through that.
MIND BLOWN!!!! Survival hinting got me through 20 years, because if I had voiced something directly he would have gone out of his way to MAKE SURE the need would not have happened. I feel like I will forever be labeled the manipulative one. Its devastating to have this label. And so much more peaceful to be alone
Thank you for all your knowledge. It is so valuable 😊
I have become very observant now. Staying No Contact. Always on guard and having survived narc Mum, enabling blindsided Dad and narc traits siblings (golden children ) who have all hoovered me over the last 3 yrs…. I got our for good as nothing helps & nothing will change embracing my peace. I’ve painfully radically accept & I continue to heal
❤🌺🌹Thanks to all your validating educational videos & healing prog. Dr Raman,❤👍🏾 for saving lives & bringing this awareness to survivors all around the globe.🌎
I’ve been asking my husband to help me clean out the garage for over a year now. He parks in the garage, but works from home (so rarely leaves during the day). I take our child to school every morning, run errands, go into the office a couple of times a week, etc., yet I have to park on the driveway. In winter, I was going out early to scrape ice off my windshield in 17F degree weather. Never would he offer to let me park in the garage or use his car. So your first example really hit the mark for me! Thank you for understanding us, Dr. Ramani.
Wow my husband was the SAME WAY especially about “HIS” driveway even tho we had been narried 21 years and my inheritance paid for the house down payment.
I’m so grateful to Dr. Ramani. She’s changed my life, my self-esteem isn’t as bad and I’m more able to sidestep narcissistic traps. However, I don’t believe that either my mother’s or my sister’s narcissism involved shame. In fact, I believe they were/are both shameless and their narcissism comes from a deep place of entitlement based on special treatment – my mother’s mother in her case and my father in my sister’s case. My father damaged me with his cruel and neglectful behavior but I believe he damaged my sister more by treating her as if she were so special she can’t relate to other people fairly.
I think I realize now why I don’t ask and prefer to do things myself. My needs I have learned are a burden.
Very true, narcissists can’t show any kind of submission. Every request has to be portrayed as something that they chose or that makes them look good.
Married to someone formally diagnosed with NPD here. My narcissist often acted indifferent and/or passive aggressive when I praised my KIDS for getting a good results at school. In elementary school!
He would cast doubt on the results or minimize the accomplishment. I stopped praising my kids in front of him. Absolutely ridiculous behavior!
When listening to your videos I always get that little feeling of coming home, because I finally feel seen and understood. Thank you so much for that, Dr. Ramini.