5 hidden truths about people in toxic relationships
Why do so many survivors of narcissistic abuse stay stuck—and why does the world blame them for it? This video exposes the hidden truths: from trauma bonding and betrayal blindness, to financial barriers and cultural pressures. Discover why staying doesn’t mean you’re naïve or foolish, how shame gets wrongly placed on survivors, and what it really takes to break free from toxic relationships.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
When someone is treating you badly,or abuse,etcs is not your fault..simple!🙏🌹
I agree, we are victims not codependents. Oftentimes, we are victims of the legal system as there are zero coercive control laws. There were very few therapists that understood this disorder when I left ten years ago. Thank you for your videos!
The abuse hurts, but what hurt even more was being blamed afterward.
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You are not alone. It normal to feel that way as,they are masters of manipulation and they got the need to put the blain into you ( projection). You must know that what others choose to do to others is not your own do.❤
I almost lost everything and was free. 1 message and I feel all my self work is ready to explode. Ready to jump into the toxic dance I know won’t do any good. Its insane how mad this has driven me.
Narcissists are, at their core, bullies. I’m starting to see that their dysfunction relies on a kind of “system” to keep the abuse going. Without enablers, that system doesn’t function. Sadly, many people become enablers simply to avoid becoming targets themselves.
It makes me wonder—what is it that leads someone to take on that role, even when they see the harm being done?
I think there’s a deeper conversation to be had about how and why people enable such destructive behavior and how we can avoid becoming accomplices to it.
People don’t choose to be,or not a target ❤
Look up “flying monkeys”. I’ve heard Dr. Ramani use the term. It’s used to describe these ‘friends’.
My last relationship was with someone Dx’d AVPD and the relationship before that was with a violent narcissist (un-Dx’d). I’m at a point now where I realize it is my fault to a certain degree. I am attracted to and attracting these people for a reason. So I’ve spent the last 8 months since my breakup fixing the broken part of me that is anxiously attached and ends up in these toxic relationships.
New favorite proverb! “There is no shame in not knowing. The shame lies in not finding out.” #KnowledgeIsPower
Yep I just posted this – the shame lies in not finding out !!
Amen! ~ You really touched on exactly how I felt about my now late MIL. She was so mean, manipulative, and just plain toxic. I tried really hard to have a good relationship with her but it wasn’t meant to be because she just couldn’t be kind. When she died of COVID, I cried because I was holding out hope that things would change. I knew she wouldn’t change but like you said, I was hoping for a change in circumstances. I sure got it but just not the way I was hoping it would be. My life is so much more peaceful now and I feel guilty even saying that. But it’s the truth. Thank you for discussing this ♥
I appreciate the confirmation that I am not trauma bonded. Additional clarity is always good.
Radical acceptance and understanding that they are just big dysregulated toddlers who cannot take any criticism helped me tremendously. The sadness doesn’t go away, but it surely helps us focus on our own wellbeing and mental health and nurturing positive relationships. Folks who blame someone for staying have their own issues, that lack of empathy is a red flag in itself.
In my sister’s case, she grew up with our mom controlling our every move and telling us what to think. She not realizing the charm of her boy friends felt good but quickly turned toxic. She got away from her first husband. But the current one, I believe he is a psychopath. I feel pure evil dripping from him. I believe he has broken what sense of self my dear sweet introverted sister had. He won’t even let me talk to my own sister. Their home is a fortress and he even controls the locks on the doors (windows have been sealed). I don’t blame her. I blame him. My heart hurts for her.
God bless you, Dr Ramani, for this articulate, empathetic compilation about all the complex nuances involved in why not everyone can just pack up and leave an abusive relationship.
I’m sending this to a friend who needs this spiritual & emotional support. I’ve been there, too.
Recently had a “friend” blaming me for what I have been through, no thanks! I appreciate you for asking me about my well being… no longer a “friend”
This video nails it… toxic relationships don’t just “happen,” they’re a symptom of something bigger. The system has been tearing down morals and traditional values for decades, and now we see the fallout. Everyone chases the influencer lifestyle, fake happiness online, and deep inside people are lonelier than ever, no wonder almost half of people over 30 are single. I went through that too, got depressed and anxious, couldn’t even trust myself anymore. Reading Your Mind Was A Target by Dr Voss showed me how it’s all connected, and more importantly, how to finally control my emotions instead of letting the chaos control me.
For those who feel stuck, I am here to tell you it can be done. You can get out and you can find a meaningful, healthy, supportive relationship. It wasn’t easy. My ex put me and my child through hell. I fled my ex with nothing more than a backpack between my child and I. The courts did little to help since my ex always played victim. However, I did get my divorce and physical custody of my child with no passport allowed until my child reached the age of 18. That was 16, almost 17 years ago. My child is now a young adult who is maintaining a 4.0 in college and has gone no contact with bio dad.
Yes, financial limitation is a big factor when you are dealing with a narcissistic relationship.
“I wish to applaud you, dear reader (listener)…You have committed yourself to changing or stopping an abusive relationship. In that way you have helped all of us. You have contributed in the only way any of us can make a difference. You were not one of those who found the risks too great a task. Good work.” – Pat Carnes (The Betrayal Bond – Page 264).
Crucial reminder: money matters. Leaving is a resource problem as much as a relationship one. Micro-shifts (don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t personalize) can still protect dignity and sanity.
dawg, this is so validating. i’m fucking journaling a mile a minute trying to plan for the nonsense. i genuinely am trying my hardest to just “walk by faith. i know what is happening. the evidence is there. i can’t allow myself to be gaslit.” but i’m just…looking for a way out.
Dr Ramani, thank you for this. It was really good to hear! 🙏🏻