Will a Narcissist Ever Pay You Back?
It seems like a simple question—if someone asks for a loan, you either get it back or you don’t. But with a narcissist, the story is never that straightforward. In this video, Dr. Ramani unpacks the messy dynamics, the hidden costs, and why the answer isn’t as simple as you think.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
You owe them EVERYTHING they deem due to their perceived entitlement. ANYTHING from them always has a price tag to be paid back, tangible or not.
They hold things over your head. Whether it’s friends, family, coworkers, spouses, children or whoever they may be. They always have this “If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have this” attitude or they say “I was the one that bought you this so if anything, you owe me” but in the beginning of the relationship or when they do something for you, if you don’t have discernment to see through the masks they put on, they’ll use favors and gifts against you as a form of entrapment and entitlement. This is my father in a nutshell.
I learned this lesson when a coworker asked to borrow money for rent to avoid eviction. It was winter and they had a small child and pulled my pity cord. They used my loan to skip town and disappear forever. Lesson learned. ❤
😳😳😳😡
I was foolish and loaned and was promised the payback. Only to be told, “are you kidding me? Get out of here after all I have done for you (nothing).” “Bloody ingrate I can’t believe you.” Then ran to listening ears and lied repeatedly.
OMG😡😡😡
Spot on, the ex narc, long before I met him, had borrowed money from a friend, and after I unbeknownst to me I learned to late I was his personal piggy bank to fix all his past debts and restore his credit, once that was all done, he made life miserable to make it look like I was the crazy one his moving out to his girlfriends house, and divorced.
It’s not the narcissist money you have to worry about …ITS YOUR OWN! A common tactic of financial abusers is using manipulation to control money. This includes pretending to be broke while living beyond their means, making reckless purchases, and using your finances or credit with empty promises to repay you. In reality , it’s as if the narcissist is charging you just to be in a manipulationship with them.
When a relationship with a narcissist ends, you’re not just heartbroken—you’re financially drained. They leave with a full wallet, a result of everything they took and saved behind your back.
Very well said
They never hold onto it long. Karma.
We are stuck with any debt incurred spent on our own credit cards too!
Leaving credit cards behind with someone else as an authorized user and never removing them gave him some headaches. He thought he got away with a full wallet.
Narcissistic ex left me emotionally drained and broken.. l tried every method, nothing worked. ‘The Invisible Law by Ethan Sol’ showed me I was manifesting from ego.. this book helped me uncover the energetic blocks and karmic patterns that were keeping me trapped. Once I applied its insights and aligned with my higher self, my life shifted! I just wish I had found it sooner✨
A friend of mine got involved with several romance scammers; money was needed for everything from wounded orphans overseas to liberating someone who had been kidnapped to hiring a private jet to unite with the scammer persona.
Hopefully, she has seen the error of her ways, but it’s not putting the money back in her pockets.
She asked me for money to help out and I quoted Shakespeare: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”
My grandpa passed and my dad got hundreds of thousands. My grandpa and I were square years prior when he helped me. My dad calls me and says my debt is settled with my inheritance because of the money my grandpa and I already discussed many years before his death supposedly was on the books still. Mind you my dad had over 10k he had never paid back to my grandpa. Such a bizarre thing. Later, we had his corolla and my cousin didnt want it, no one did. I actually saw value in it so I agreed with my dad I could pay 2k for it. I’d have to fly out and then I’d drive it home. Two weeks later he sells it from under me for 7k and it was all about his struggles. He told me he would help me later with 2k if my transmission went out or I got a small motorcycle (the point of the car was to help me save gas money living in a city). Never saw that help later. Many years later, my dad complains about money and did this weird manipulation where I wound up offering money. The bank transfer wasn’t working and became complicated but then I realized “wait, money has controlled our family forever. My dad has filed bankruptcy twice. He never did any savings for retirement. He got hundreds of thousands from my grandpa and never shared a bit with my brother or I (i never expected it, just goes to show the family mindset). He’s been going on trips with his wife once or twice a year. Never visits me. Why am I offering money again?”
When i give money, I learned it’s a gift. I have given money before to people and have never expected it back. My dad over the years talking about adding it to my tab or debts are settled, etc etc just shows more and more he keeps tabs of everything and really ruined our relationship among others he’s had.
Thank you! I’ve noticed this before! And, also, the one who wants to make a deal to discount your asking price to almost nothing to benefit themselves, not you. Notice the discounting theme. Or, it’s a client who doesn’t come through with the co-pay remaining after insurance pays. They get an attorney to write a letter to triangulate a deal to accept for insurance only. The attorney takes the money owed you.
No! I just had to let the money and the narcissist go. It’s not worth it. My mental health is more important than dealing with a narcissist.
This doesn’t only apply to money. Don’t expect narcs to return anything you lend them.
Not even your love.
@loloworld593, truth!!!!
What a challenge!
Once, I complained about the unfairness inside my relationship to a therapist, she reminded me all those broken rules were rules I held but I could not assume another person runs by the same rules. They don’t.
Well, what I have learned is that you don’t over get that money back, and they only want more, and then more after that. I am not an ATM.
This. So much this. And when you can’t give them money, they throw the BIGGEST tantrum you will ever see.
moral of the story is never loan a narc any money.
Thank my friend and my courage ,i’m gone. Only email from him was how he have no money. I didnt respond. And that was all. Now is nice life without him . He sad all what you say dr. Ramani. But now i am out, far away from him.🎉🎉🎉
A few years ago I befriended my African neighbour. I even went with her to the hospital when she had her second child. About one week later she then asked me if I wouldn’t like to spend the next summer holidays with them when they were planning to fly to their family in Africa. I would have my own lodge there and could attend her children while she’d be working in her sister’s bar at night.
When a few weeks later I told her I probably couldn’t, she seemed fed up. Half an hour later she came in and asked me to lend her money for a new huge TV (probably at least 1000€). She didn’t really ask, it was more like an order. I somehow managed to postpone that topic for later.
I ended our friendship a few months later. The next summer they stayed home. Obviously she had expected me to pay the 12 hours flights and who knows what else for her family and had not found another sponsor. The thing with the TV was meant to be a compensation for her “loss”. Only one of many dozens of stories that I could tell about this woman…
I recommended „it‘s not you“ to one of our clients. Today she told me your book was really an eye opener. She was looking for faults in her behavior and was relieved to find all the explanations for various situations in her relationship with her ex. Thanks 🙏 so much Dr Ramani!!
I always. It’s “give” loaning only keeps me attached to their outcomes.
Then I watch their behavior ~ it tells it all