Is Going No Contact with a Narcissist Really “Avoidance”?
If you’ve gone no contact with a narcissist and been told you’re “avoidant,” you’re not alone. In narcissistic relationships, disengaging is often framed as immaturity, weakness, or an inability to have difficult conversations. But when conversations lead to gaslighting, blame shifting, and more harm, stepping back may not be avoidance — it may be self-protection. Understanding the difference between avoidance and healthy disengagement is key to breaking free from toxic cycles and reclaiming your clarity.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Narcissism is not a dumpster fire, as a dumpster fire is contained. Narcissism is a selfish insane asylum without walls. Build your own walls to keep them away.
It may appear like avoidance. But you’re not really avoiding anything. Because there’s nothing there. Nothing to be hopeful about, proud of, or to believe in. Just nothing.
Avoiding the continued abuse
@kenanglemire8328and meaningless conversations.
Narcis can’t do Intimate relationships in and out of the bedroom. All a performance. Avoidance is like not buying a ticket to the show!
@kenanglemire8328Yup. Getting sucked back into the relationship.
It really is an awakening!
I’m being discarded after 35yrs of marriage to a Vulnerable Narci wife. I’ll be alright now that I know what I’m dealing with. Dr Ramani teaches us the tools, it’s up to us to apply them in our lives.
Pretty similar happened to me. 31 years wasted by a covert narc wife. Best wishes.
@sparkygumpSEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN Sparky 🎉
I only went into “avoidance” after decades of trying to work things out with my narc sibling. I “avoided” my mentally ill abusive parents who scapegoated me into adulthood. My AVOIDANCE has meant I’m much happier and healthier mentally and physically. Nobody but my spouse really understands why, but my friends recognize I’m much happier.
Yessss!! Amen to that! 🙏🏻
What tickles me is how narcissists love to weaponise the avoidant topic, but when reality/consequences comes knocking on their door, they are the ones to vanish from the face of the earth.
So true!
Yup, my ex just sent me a TikTok explaining dismissive avoidants and why they struggle to prioritize their partners. She knows I have an avoidant personality type, but she’s really taking this too far.
It’s rather disturbing to me how she seems to rewrite history and paint me out to be something or someone I’m not when I’ve been there for her through EVERYTHING! And she’s even acknowledged it.
Rodger that 🙌 Reality Check is to Narcis, like Garlic to a Vampire!
Only one is a fictional character 🤣
Stay awesome and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
@sarahs5606I know avoidant people and family. The difference is they eventually get to accountability and a Narci never will, is what ive learned
The last 6mths I’ve learned so much about NPD. I should of acted on the Red Flags but didn’t.
I am now in the DISCARD phase after 35yrs with my Vulnerable Narci wife.
I’ll be a Survivor vs Victim as I complete the divorce but I always encourage others in Partner relationships to understand the Ideolize, Devalue and Discard Phases that are INEVITABLE!!
Our most valuable gift to ourselves and others is being the best version of ourselves with our time..that’s IMPOSSIBLE with a Narci…
SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
Those that keep screaming ‘avoidant’ or ‘it’s a trend’ are just continuing their own gaslighting and blame shame. I’m tired of my truth being your ‘victimization’. They need to stop and just hold up a mirror..finally.
You get it Zoeann 🙌
My biggest regret in life is giving my mother too many second chances because people urged me to. Imagine telling a friend to go back to a partner who called them subhuman and made their pets disappear, who sabotaged them at every turn. It’s astounding how many people are willing to help an abusive mother continue abusing her children into adulthood.
I’m so sorry 😢 you experienced that and I agree!
It could simply mean you gave up on them after you realised they are hopeless.
Yes, my narcissistic mother’s best friend suggested I should explain to my mother once again what I hold against her and where she made some mistakes. As if I wasn’t fed up with those futile attempts already.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done to tell my best friend I couldn’t do this anymore. It wasn’t him, it was his wife. I have so many stories of experiences with her. At the very end, just a few days before Christmas, they tried having a conversation with me after I had been not talking to them for months. They told me they think I’m just avoiding my problems instead of talking about it with them.
The conversation quickly turned into what made me stop talking to them in the first place; that my partner isn’t worth anything to society by just being on disability and being home all the time, regardless of how much they help around the house. That they “have so much potential” to hold a job despite their suffering.
They also told me that “they have fights with their families all the time, and that they just let it go and five minutes later they’re having dinner together like nothing happened.” That’s what they expected us to do, despite the treatment we had had from the wife. They wanted to meet in person to talk.
I told them I couldn’t do it anymore. If my partner couldn’t be respected for who they are, I just don’t think it’s going to work. It was so hard because this was one of my two closest friends for over a decade.
I still think about him every day
Holy cow! Boundaries. What you and your spouse decide to do for your “work” is none of their business. They don’t get to have an opinion. Yup. That was a much needed breakup. Life is hard. Surround yourself by people who will show up and be a support not judge you. I think anyone would have done the same thing you did. It was a lack of respect for boundaries and I’m proud of you!!!!!
I hate this label. There is NO WAY to engage. Telling my narc whats bothering me gave him regular FUEL to torture me. And when i disengaged, his family was merciless with their prosecution that i was avoidant and not being a healthy wife. 6 years later this is still my label. It hurts so bad
Narcis don’t do Intimate Relationships, in and out of the bedroom! Avoidance is like not buying a ticket to the show!
Had to block someone that I thought was a good friend. I’m not avoiding them. I’m just protecting my peace.
Yes I let a 60 year relationship go. We both were 5 years old when we met. It’s been on and off but it’s off now. I still love her. But she’s a total scammer and has gotten worse with age. I can’t keep ahead of her anymore. 😢I don’t want to either
@SherryTomlinson-r2yI let go of a 6 year relationship. It sucks not being able to stay amicable with narcissistic exes. I feel we had good memories we shared. True friendships just can’t be had with them.
I’m not worried about these labels. I’m protecting my peace. They knew exactly what they were doing the whole time and they avoided my attempts to explain my feelings about their behavior, so I now avoid them.
Hell yeah, I found a fellow Survivor who’s done with the bullshit 🙌
SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
Narcissists avoid us once we give them no contact
Literally. My old manager is a narcissist and whenever she sees me or my partner in public she turns and walks away
So true! 😂😂😂 I think it’s because they are afraid to f*ck around and find out about the truth!
Yep. And call us out as our “silence” as abuse, so they’re the victim
Narcissists use us intentionally
How in the world can I have a healthy relationship with someone who receives joy, happiness, pleasure and a sense of power from mistreating others? You’re right, it isn’t possible.
It’s pure diabolical when you do try to have the “difficult conversations” multiple times and they flat out lie to you! Isn’t that the actual definition of avoidance?
“It’s not avoidance. It’s sanity.” 😮💨 EXACTLYYYY.
I prefer to quietly distance myself and people hate it. I know a conversation will get nowhere with certain people and it shouldnt be frowned upon to do that