What therapists were never taught (& WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU)
New Series Alert!
What’s the hardest part of working with clients in narcissistic relationships? We weren’t trained for it.
Graduate school didn’t teach us about narcissism, let alone how to work with clients experiencing narcissistic relationships.
That’s why I created Therapists Only, a new series for mental health professionals working with clients navigating narcissistic and antagonistic relationships.
Get exclusive access to me and leading experts as we answer clinician questions, break down real scenarios, and share strategies you can use immediately in session.
Join Therapists Only today to secure early access pricing! Head to
Hope to see you there!
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
When therapists don’t understand what narcissists or what narcissism is
Morning. On time today wwhhooo 💯
We can have the greatest Therapist, but if we don’t apply the teachings to our lives we risk being Cynical Victims vs Healthy Survivors 🎉
Dr Ramani’s teachings WORK IF YOU WORK IT!
I’M A SURVIVOR 🥳
SEE YOU AT THE TOP OF SURVIVOR MOUNTAIN 🎉
I think a psychology subject should be added to secondary school curriculum. This would provide teenagers tools needed not to get trapped into any kind of abusive relationship and reduce the workload that is being put on therapists.
I think that if we are going to have sex ed in high school, that we should also provide relationship ed. Give kids the tools to understand behavioral patterns and spot warning signs. As it stands, we tell them where the sperm goes and what happens when it gets that and send them out into the world blind to figure it out for themselves.
The problem there is many teenagers, (like who I used to be) are born in to dysfunctional homes and families run by narcissistic people. A high school course won’t change a person’s birth circumstances.
@proudatheist2042 No, but the lifeline of healthy relationship skills and the chance to practice them away from the toxic home environment would be a boost toward successful adult life.
It’s mind blowing whether you’re a therapist or not. About 10 years ago I had a therapist able to help me because he was also into criminal psychology. But we need help especially from the horrific traumas we’ve endured from this type of abuse!
And it is almost impossible to find therapists who are trained for this
And that’s assuming that the therapists don’t have Cluster B disorders themselves.
Not during studies, not during practicing at mental hospital for many years, not during my clinical specialisation trainings I learned about NPD. I did it the worst way at all. As a victim for many years. That’s when I started to gain knowledge by myself to provide my patients better understanding. Thank you dr Ramani, I started with you ❤
That sounds great, but as a patient, how do I find that trained therapist?
*I am not a narcissist*
I’m just the only person in the room with talking to. 🤭
I am glad that she mentioned this. It is an important point.
Most experts on this are people who have experienced narcissistic abuse & who are self-taught. It is not really something that one can really learn about properly solely via a training course. To understand it properly takes further study & alot of it.
The patterns and red flags are typical, though, and can be spotted by a savvy and aware practitioner.
Because the government is full of narcissistic people 😅😊. The school board is government run.
I had a troubling experience with a therapist who made me feel victimized and held me responsible for the abuse I endured from my ex-spouse, who displayed malignant narcissistic traits. She said that both parties contribute to a problem, but in truth, I was the one being abused. After each session, I felt increasingly worse. She refused to acknowledge that I was married to someone with those traits and suggested that it didn’t matter, urging me instead to focus solely on moving forward and to forget the abuse I had experienced. Ultimately, I chose to stop seeing her and found a new therapist. I said all of this to say that specialize training is needed and thank you for providing that.
I experience similarities from a therapist. I was engaged to a man that was asking me what part of my inheritance his daughter could expect, I was triangulated with his ex-wife and made to feel inferior. He was weird would tell me how pretty she was and that was why she had children with 4 different men and all my children were with the same man coz I could only get one. I didnt even know how to respond to his comments. He was an alcoholic I thought if I could fix the alcohol problem it would fix his remarks. He refused to sign a prenup and the therapist said he had every right to be concerned for himself and his adult daughter. She said I was too sensitive about his remarks about his ex-wife. I stopped seeing the therapist and eventually left the relationship. I am much happier now with my dog.😊
the first therapist I saw also did this to me. She minimized everything I experienced and would say things flippantly like, “so you grew up with a stern parent, lots of dads are stern. Stop with the defeatist attitude and move on” type stuff and when I finally got irritated at her (and I didn’t even say anything mean or angry, I just got faster speaking and more abrupt in my answers when she’d say things like that to me) at the second session of her saying that kind of stuff as I tried to explain my experiences (being my first therapy experience I thought they were supposed to help you figure out what happened in the past and work through it so you can overcome why you’re having issues presently as an adult) she then turned it back around on me and said “Instead of being mad at me you need to get over your anger issues”. I felt so trapped and like I was throwing away my money just for someone to invalidate the abuse I experienced as a child, cause more damage and confusion for me, and then when I got irritated that I was being minimized and invalidated, that “therapist” told me I had anger issues I needed to get over. On my second session with her. I quit seeing her after a couple more sessions thinking maybe we just got off on the wrong foot and to give her a second chance but she continued to act like that towards me. Horrible “therapist” and experience. I found a much better one after her and that was actually the first one who said it sounded like what I went through was narcissistic abuse and I started learning about narcissism and here I am. I think there was something really wrong with that first therapist. She should not have been a therapist with the way she talked and how she treated me. She jumped to a lot of conclusions by the end of the 1st session too but then would say stuff like I jumped to conclusions and had no evidence for it despite my years of experiences – when that’s exactly what she was doing in less than an hour of knowing me.
Back 32 years ago…when I used to go to church…it was customary to have a counseling session with the pastor for couples who were desiring to marry. I’m not sure how or why it was that pastors were assumed to be qualified for marriage counseling. Mine wasn’t. He wasn’t able to pick out the personality disorder in the gal I eventually married…and ended in divorce a dozen years later. I used to begrudge the pastor for his ignorance. But I guess I gotta let that go. Finding it hard to trust those in authority positions. Church ain’t for me.
You are correct. It is an odd assumption that a pastor is automatically assumed fit for marriage counseling when they don’t know anything about personality differences. I am sorry that happened to you. I hope life is radiant for you.
Your thumbnail picture for this video is a really good one. You look lovely!
Pathological narcissism is the elephant in the room that nobody sees. Thank you for doing your part to address it. I need therapy. But I’m afraid that a therapist will not believe my story. That my therapist will look at me and think: “What is wrong with my patient that makes him believe this is happening to him?”
So happy you are doing this. I am 73 and I sought help since my late teens when I developed agoraphobia. Counselors keep trying to “fix me”, go home and “save your family” (eternal souls), “have you forgiven your father for sexually molesting you?” I could go on. I left feeling worse than when I started. I felt like I was in an empty well looking up at people saying these throw away lines and then just wondering away. No one heard me.
Damn. I am sorry sorry about that. I agree with Dr. Durvasula and others who say that forgiveness is all too often a weaponzied tool used against survivors. I hope you can forgive yourself. I think some things, like what your father did to you, are unforgivable. I think survivors need to forgive themselves.
I don’t believe in any religion. It is hard work for people to radically change themselves, let alone “save” or “fix” others. The “saving others” thing raises red flags for me.
My dad bought me a Buddhist book about forgiveness (neither of us practices Buddhism) instead of asking for the forgiveness he wants me to offer him. I didn’t accept the book.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is great news!
33 years of this type of marriage, trauma bonded, many many therapist with not a lot of strategies that work. Glad a professional is admitting it so maybe proper training and help can be given. I am a shell and exhausted with how to move forward.
Fantastic! Much needed!!!