Are You Actually Fake… or Just Navigating a Narcissist?
Are you being inauthentic… or just dealing with a narcissistic person?
This is a tricky question — especially when you can’t fully disengage from certain relationships. At some point, you start to wonder: if you’re holding back, not sharing, not reacting… is that self-abandonment?
Or is something else going on?
Let’s break it down.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Such a good topic. I feel like I cant be my cheerful self around these miserable vampires. They cant handle it. Its so funny too bc they always look for us. I never go looking for them. I avoid eye contact and show boredom. When someone else is around I shower them with attention in front of the egocentric narc.
Yeah it’s like your body just can’t act around them like your would another person you feel tense but when someone else enters the room you relax your shoulders a bit and open up
You wrote: “When someone else is around I shower them with attention in front of the egocentric narc.” That is interesting 💕 💕 do you get emotionally punished for that later? On certain social
occasions if he flirted with someone, I’d just leave him there, and find someone alone in a crowd.
After a while he stopped flirting. Go figure. ☺
I don’t like parties narcissists everywhere
There’s no job in the world where there are narcissists free
Narcissism is the second hand smoke of our time
Absolutely 💯
Because you are managing their reactions instead of being yourself.
💯
…its like you are faced with a cobra snake everytime you interact with a narcissist
I find my heart racing and I’m nearly sweating after dealing with them 😅
💯 which is constant checking of yourself while in their presence. 🤔
Then call you fake for not being yourself 🤯
Whenever I’m around someone giving off narcissist vibes I feel the emotional wall go up, and it’s like my personality shuts off. I’m total gray rock.
“Trying to attach to an unsafe person.” Now there is the story of my life. I was so used to that, that people that are not like that are scary to me.
Healthy people scare you. 😢. Sorry Mary
It can feel like you are waiting for the monster beneath the mask to come out even when there is no monster.
@u@uplifting8593. Except there is. Narcissists are driven by Demons
Wear your suit of armor or use your narcissistic defense spray.
💯
I learned in early childhood that being my authentic self meant I would inevitably be attacked. If I share anything personal, they use it against me later. If I show an honest reaction to their ridiculous behavior, I will be attacked and publicly “shamed” for up to an hour.
Every narcissist has their own separate needs & pressure gauges so I have to be careful & hyper observant. What I do is encourage them to keep talking about themselves, and while I’m watching the ego meter fill up, I’m planning my exit.
i’ve been doing this w my dad and tbh it has helped me a lot because they have nothing that they can take and ruin it
Very, VERY wise
Both my parents have to be dealt with this way. I think of it as putting on a hazmat suit that is uncomfortable but will protect me. When I was younger, I didn’t know I had the option of taking it off. After interacting w/family, I have to push hard in the other direction by doing something that reminds me of exactly who I am.
I can relate.
@ThatsaTechnicalFoul Yup!
You can’t be authentic with them because they want control, are not interested in truth, only in their version, so engaging in healthy conversation isn’t possible. If you do, you fall into self defense, or giving info that they weaponize against you later, either way it doesn’t build healthy connection. So you withhold, or keep conversation superficial minimum basic information because you can’t walk away always and have to engage at times…it is a way of guarding your heart, blocking escalation and drama that they feed off of.
Wonderfully captured
All true. Being very superficial works well because they aren’t at all interested in what you say. They are just waiting for you to stop talking(sometimes they don’t and just talk over you) so being authentic is a waste of your time and energy. You can even pop in a few little white lies in there….they wouldn’t even know. Every interaction they ever have is all about them so don’t waste your time and energy.
@einstein63 I Am often fake with them, when I can and when I remember. I just give them fatuous comments or create fake decoy concerns.
Oh and I do avoid them, physically, because even legal boundaries are completely ignored.
Dr. RAMANI is a gift to this world..saving lives. I can’t find words..she’s saving mine right now…😢
She sure is. I’m dealing with a situation now and religious people are behind the curve with this stuff. They think you can go to the altar for prayer and the issue is solved. Someone at church was like, “Wha/ financial abuse?” I’m like wow!
@Porshafoxx08as a man..I’ve been on the receiving end of a malignant narcissist woman for 15 years..she has our kids with her now..I barely got out…still not out the nightmare for me ..I lost everything..myself included 😢
@MMHCC850I’m so sorry you went through this. It can take you through, trust.
100% ❤
Yes she is!!
Good stuff. Extremely clarifying ❤ Thank you Dr. R
I made the decision to finally end the ridiculousness.
Good for you ! Enjoy ! 🎉
And they don’t deserve your authentic self
its hard to let your guard down if your getting abused then gaslit deceived straight up being lied to i know how these thing can take a toll.
@Herewithoutchew I agree sometimes you bury yourself so deep it’s hard to re-emerge.
I feel like a faker around my mom and my sister when I am a licensed cosmetologist, and I am a professional yoga instructor. It makes me feel like I don’t know my profession. They act like they know more than I do even though they’ve never studied either subject. It makes me feel less than, I feel like a failure even though I was top of my graduating classes in both professions.
And I would bet YOU know what you’re doing. If they continue to act like they know more than you, people can tell the difference. You’ll see people avoid them. Good luck–it’s so tough dealing with them all the time.
My family is the same way. I went in to medicine and they consult everyone Except me. Sadly it took years from my father’s life. However, now it’s all on them. The only good side to having only the narcs left in your immediate family, is watching the self destruction. If it’s part of your profession, there’s some grim karma to it.
I finally do have agency. It works well with my indifference.
Nonsense! you are not being fake, you are keeping yourself safe and you are doing your best to manage a situation you can’t leave, for whatever reason.
That’s what she said
@Fluffnstuff777 💯I was agreeing with dr. Ramani.
@lillyanna8432. Ok ❤
❤
Dr Ramani you have helped me get through a relationship with a narcissist who I thought broke my soul. Perhaps the worst part is that he is a psychologist and has no personal insight. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for turning the lightbulb on. Before I found your channel, I actually ended up having a nervous breakdown after our break-up and in a mental hospital from severe anxiety and depression after a SA and I pulled through. It has taken years but I feel like my imperfect but happier self, working as a public health nurse and trying to turn my pain into compassion everyday. I know who I am again. You’re a queen!
Good job!! It’s such a hard journey to find out who you are again…and to trust yourself. You just lose so much of yourself with these monsters and vampires. Peace is priceless.
You lose your natural reflexes when everything around you is turned upside down.