The SECRET ways people survive TOXIC relationships
MORE FROM DR. RAMANI
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
JOIN THERAPISTS ONLY (PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS)
VISIT MY WEBSITE
RECOMMENDED RESOURCES AND HOTLINES
====================
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I think you have one of two surviving ways: compromise and choose to live with constant invisible pain for the rest of your life OR wake up and suffer badly for a while and then heal gradually.
I learned to keep quiet.
Same. Beat that case in 014
I need to learn how to not react. I’m so miserable, and it’s so difficult.
I have someone that laughs at me anytime I bring up something he doesn’t want to hear or talk about.
It’s making me feel so alone 😢
I understand the alone. I’d definitely talk with you.❤
That’s what they do
the lies part resonates. I had to just to avoid the criticisms, anger, controlling behaviour. I am now at the complete opposite and will not tolerate that with anyone or myself but it is an extreme swing that alienates others at times.
My way of surviving toxic relationships was surprisingly simple: I stopped fighting to be understood by people who had no interest in understanding me. The day I turned my energy back toward my own life, everything began to change.
Yes, the same for me…
Yes.
I’m just about there. I’m not exactly with a narc. it’s more immaturity, which has its own struggles. Not too unlike narcissism.
I was stuck in a dangerous narcissistic relationship. I secretly made a step by step plan to extricate myself. During subtle implementation of each step, I stayed out of his way. Everything was done slowly, almost imperceptably. My only goal was to get out safely.
Thanks Laura for sharing. I am also in your situation. I would like to hear what subtle steps you took to get out safely. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
3:51 “self abandonment is…trying to attach to an unsafe person WITHOUT fully understanding that they are not safe” 😢this part hit home and definitely describes what I’ve been going through and just now understanding 😢😢😢
“Consciously” is the key. This word changes to make everything YOUR CHOICE. That’s taking your power back from the narcissist. ❤
This right here, so liberating! Thanks for posting!
DON’T. TAKE. THEM. SERIOUSLY. Anything they say, good or bad, take as nonsense.
Journaling saved my life and my mental health….a place where the truth can reside regardless of all of the gaslighting all around 🙏 ❤
Their entire existence is a series of defence mechanisms and strategies to avoid their trauma – self hate, toxic shame etc. That is their “authentic” state. When you process what they are doing at all times, being protective of yourself and loved ones is like dealing with any ill person, a sick person that hasn’t been treated/not seeking healing. If you can remove yourself great, if not protect yourself and loved ones like it’s a disease, which it is – as necessary. ❤
I noticed when I was around this person type that the mental games zapped my energy leaving me totally exhausted.
they don’t deserve truth
You asked if I am constantly lying in a narcissistic relationship? The answer is an absolute yes! I’m actually very very good at lying to narcissistic people! And that lying paid off when I worked in Intel for the US Air Force. I’m going to quote a friend who does not want to be named. “I have never once gotten in trouble for lying when I was actually lying, I only get in trouble for lying when I’m telling the truth”
Yes. You have to ABSOLUTELY manage what you tell them and what you don’t. Perfectly sane things make them angry and throw a fit.
It’s exhausting.
So it’s either dismantle 11 years- split everything, split my dogs up-to eventually be happy OR stay and be prepared to fight mentally and spiritually every day, knowing that the dynamics will never change.
I know I am recovering because when I started listening to Dr. Ramani everything seemed like a revelation now when I listen I go “that’s just common sense.”
We can’t expect to survive these traumatic relationships unscathed. While it’s good to reflect on these issues, for some people the challenge is to survive this environment day by day and to stay kind to yourself and others.💙
I’ve done everything I could to become independent and just walk away.
I knew anything important to me would be destroyed, so I just pretended nothing was important.