Dismantling the EXCUSES that enable narcissists
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
EVERY abuser has an excuse. They can justify anything. But that doesn’t make it right. They justify the abuse with their feelings, rather than with logic or reasoning. They abuse because they’re dysregulated. They have an inability to regulate their own emotions.
“I love you” is not a magic eraser when there’s abusive behavior.
Which do you listen to?
How much maltreatment do you need to endure, to hear the perfect words?
Being told someone “loves you” does not erase the criticism, the devaluing, angry raging.
Most people would trade the words for consistently normal, respectful behavior.
They’d rather be seen, then told: “I love you.”
Their love words are just words. We can’t believe them. Don’t know when they’ll start yelling and causing heartbreak
It took me several years to be comfortable enough to tell my close friends I love them. This was the result of years of consistency that led to trust and comfort.
In retrospect, having a new person declare we’re “best friends” and that they love me only months after meeting should’ve set off alarm bells.
Thank you I needed this today
AND they had a rough childhood…ostensibly. Narcissists always had a harder life than everyone else, according to them.
It is often true, to be fair- and it’s important to know because if they had a good childhood and loving parents etc and you still see malignant narcissistic behavior- then I think that *greatly* increases the odds you’re dealing with a psychopath and you can take the appropriate precautions.
@@prismpyre7653 yes, that’s true as well!
What I find I interesting is how Golden Child became the Narc and leans into Narc Mom – and was the only one to have kids and abuses the older ones in the exact same way-
Indeed, it’s like the child who suddenly butters you up and you hug them and laugh gently and find yourself saying: uh huh, what do you want?
Exactly.
Yeap, words = manipulation. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
So true, they only say it when they are happy.
Narcissists don’t love you the way you love them, they only love what you can do for them.
That pretty much sums it up. I do believe we are just another thing or object to them for manipulation
Unless you’re related to them, because when you’re a child you can feel real love emanating from a parent sometimes, but it takes time and discernment to understand that the love isn’t actually for *you* per se; but moreso a fictional character that looks and sounds like you and is the ideal extension of your parent’s own ego and/or vehicle for their entitlement and unfulfilled ambitions.
@prismpyre7653 thank you for the insightful explanation.
@@prismpyre7653 my father was one he treated my brothers as more of an extension of himself. I know he despised females.
@@prismpyre7653 Not true. I have a son who was primarily raised by his narc mom. When I got him, it was too late. By 14 years old he was a full blown narc and threw around “I love you” like candy, but never treated me like he loved me. It got to the point where the words from him were a trigger. It was just like Dr. Ramani explained, manipulation.
🔥🔥🔥 This is so TRUE ~ i love how u have stated that Narcissists use their adversity in Childhood as a CRUTCH or EXCUSE is just that, an EXCUSE. MOST of us have had an eaually “difficult” Childhood yet we (the healthy ones) DON’T LASH OUT AT OTHER PEOPLE!!! WE still show up for Life each day, trying our best & DO NOT LASH OUT at others in cruel, vicious, VINDICTIVE ways!” 💥It IS A CHOICE.💥Period. 🙌🏼💯💯💥💥💥🥇🥇🥇©️
AMEN! You are BRILLIANT Dr. Ramani ~ “Committing to GENUINELY changing, to ‘be better’ because it’s the RIGHT THING TO DO – NOT just saying they’ll change strictly “TO WIN” 💥💥💥BOOOOOOM! 💥💯💯💯🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼©️
All these excuses lead to the same question from me: So what? So ****ING WHAT?
Why do people insist on excusing the narcissist? That makes my blood boil.
Saying what they’re conditioned to say,and they have never experienced or studied it. Give up on them validating you and find yourself happier.
The ‘I love yous’ they say daily really mean, ‘I love you, but I also love what you do for me.’ Enduring this abuse so often has left me jaded in many way.
Translation :when they say it what they mean is” I love the way you make me feel about myself but only until you don’t fill that void 24/7”
@@geraldfriend256 Touché, that’s a very good point. Sadly, I can relate to this. Until you stop being their supply, they just drain your energy. I once called someone an energy vampire, and they didn’t even know what I was talking about or think it was real. I had to tell them, ‘If you don’t believe me, Google it.
“I will change” cost me another year of my life after I had already started packing my things. Afterwards life was bearable for a while but then I found emails (yea, that was before smartphones were a thing) where he complained to another woman how tedious, boring and generally horrible life with me was. This was the last straw, I booked a flight to visit my family and left with two suitcases. Told him the next day on the phone that I would not come back. My stomach still twists when I think about the nasty things he told and wrote to me the next couple of weeks. Things like I needed to watch my back for the rest of my life. Thank god there was an ocean between us. I would have probably caved again had I talked to him before leaving. Moving on is hard.
Good for you to finally get the hell out of there!! That was tough!! I hope you are taking good care of yourself now.💋💋🥰🥰😘😘👍👍👍❤️🐉💙💙🌈🌈😎😎
A lot of people have the same traumatic back story. Most say the world hurt me, I’m going to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. The ones who become narcissists say, the world hurt me, so now I’m going to hurt everyone. It’s how you choose to deal with the pain.
No. Narcissists literally say the first one.
That’s why they get so defensive. They take pride on being different from their abusers, so when you call them out on acting like them, instead of introspecting, they take it as a personal attack, as you judging them, and so they react by either fleeing or fighting.
Not all narcissists had troubled childhoods. My narcissistic father was, in his words, “a spoiled brat” as a child. He hasn’t changed a bit.
You’re one of my favorite people in the whole world for taking this stuff on! WOW! Just got notification Dr. Civility is live with team healthy. Thanks for tolerating me not having your new book yet!
You’re still my favorite if you ever decide to take up a different interest!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!❤ for helping so many people, myself included. Abuse is abuse.
Fascinating video, Let’s stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.
Your pain resonates with me. Letting go of someone dear to your heart is an immense challenge. I found myself in a comparable situation when my 12-year-long relationship ended, and I struggled to accept it. Despite my efforts to reconcile, I eventually turned to a spiritual counselor for guidance, which eventually led to a reunion. I’m now filled with joy.
I’m keen on meeting the counselor you’re talking about. What steps should I take?
Online, you’ll find shelly renee white , revered for her expertise as a spiritual counselor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being.
Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive