The Red Line in Narcissistic Relationships
We're often told to watch for red flags in relationships. But what if that's not how these dynamics actually unfold? In many narcissistic and toxic relationships, it isn't one obvious moment that tells the story—it's a pattern that develops over time, often hidden among good moments, hope, and everyday life. In this video, we'll explore why these relationship patterns can be so difficult to recognize while you're living them, and why hindsight can bring a very different perspective.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do! ❤
She’s a guardian angel for sure ❤
I saw, after nearly 6Yrs, the lifestyle I had with my Narc Ex. It became a way of life to be Discarded, Hoovered, Gaslighted, Neglected, Cheated on, etc etc etc. There was no ‘doing something different for a change. I came to a Crossroads feeling I don’t want to drag along like this anymore, and left him. 🍒
Proud of you girl!!! 🩷😊
I can’t wait to see the documentary and I was even more excited to see you are part of it!.
Still trying to navigate my way through this, I am having a hard time finding much help as far as my children are concerned. Unlearning these behaviors, how to look out for them, and teach them how to protect themselves without making what’s already happened worse. Thank you for all you do 🙏
Completely agree….. it’s more of red dots vs flag/line. Your gut will tell you if their behavior does not sit well with you. Focusing and listening to our gut is so critical only cause there are no clear red flags. Thank you for this video.
Once ya see it, you can’t unsee it
Thanks Dr. Ramani
Yes sir/ma’am. Thank you for the video Dr. Ramani
Ain’t that the truth?!
I was brought up thinking that those “red flags” were just problems to overcome. You know the “love conquerors all” philosophy. Well, after 40 years of sticking to that way of thinking and ending up being repeatedly being devalued then discarded by multiple narcissists, I see those red flags as red lines that, when crossed, will lead to ME discarding THEM.
testimony from people like you saves lives. i read of people who tried honestly for 10,20,30 years. that allowed me to understand and leave after 1 year of abuse
@NoName-to5xl 👍
Exactly! I now know I was brought up to be “the fixer” so that if I identified a problem in others to be fixed, then it was my “job” to fix another person. It’s more than playing god, it’s a need that has to be filled in me! This lesson is so hard for me to learn😢
@bethfrazier414 well said.
It all depends on how well they can put their mask on and how inexperienced of a person you are, that’s why some narcissistic relationships won’t last beyond the first date or even at the texting stage, while others might survive decades and go beyond having grandchildren in some cases.
The first thing I recall saying to myself after the relatioship ended was, “I never felt good around him”. I felt so stupid! Why was I with a man I did not feel good around after the 1st month. When you are with a narcissist, you just don’t feel great when you’re around them. I didn’t realize this until a spiritual teacher sent me one of Dr. Ramani’s videos, and I realized everything that was being said applied to this man. But…if I had just paid attention to how I felt when I was around him, instead of overriding it to be with him, I would have walked away much sooner.
Exactly! Just a few weeks/the very first month after being with them you feel that something is off, you feel weird, you sense that there is something not quite right going on, you find yourself second guessing what is going on, something tells you that what you have with them isn’t genuine at all, you start doubting if whatever they say say is actually true, when they say “i love you ” you somehow feel that isn’t true, you think that you are the problem and are over thinking about it, you doubt your instincts. But your gut keeps telling you that all of it and what he does isn’t true at all, he really doesn’t care about you , he doesn’t love you, he hasn’t any interest in learning what you like, your desires and hobbies and who you really are and doesn’t value as a person. He only uses the information you share to use it for their own benefit. Like you know that dinamic (while subtle) is unhealthy, but you decide to ignore it because the good times are worth it. So you try to make excuses and justify that relationship in any way you can.
However, you always feel uneasy and anxious, because your gut keeps telling you (even with the mask they have at that moment) that the person you are dealing with is unsafe, will hurt you, you can’t really trust them, doesn’t care about you at all, has ulterior motives, and you must get out from that toxic relationship/ situation/ environment, as fast as you can.
Also you can feel in your body all the consequences of being with them; like getting sick very often or developing a medical issue, affect your mental health/state of mind and your peace, get lots of stress, anxiety, even depressed, how uneasy you are after being with them, you get absolutely emotionally drained dealing with them.
Everyone should be aware of that in order to avoid an awful experience with them.
So the main idea, with everything I’ve said before, is basically TRUST YOUR GUT/INTUITION and FOLLOW THEM, they know better and can save you from a lot of troubles and a traumatic abusive relationship
Narcissistic/dark tetrad people interfere with your connection with yourself, in order to maintain dominance over you. If enough abuse cycles pass, if you have children with them, if you are financially dependent on them, then the odds are not good that you will be able to overcome the confusion, exhaustion, indoctrination and conditioning. That’s why the education that Dr Ramani and others provide here and in books and research is so critical. The other key for me personally was my habit of writing about the abusive incidents, and then reviewing my journals down the road, which along with getting some education, exposed the abuse cycles I’d been stuck in, and I knew I had to leave.
Yes! When I reread my journals I am amazed I didn’t leave my 2 situations much sooner!!! And nothing changed for the better by waiting longer!
My best friend rolled her eyes when I told her I was reading a dark psychology book about dating. Then she watched my emotionally unavailable situationship suddenly start bringing me expensive gifts and tracking my location out of jealousy. Shes not rolling her eyes anymore and just asked to borrow my copy.
I think all of us who are NOT narcissistic should be a little more “selfie,” because we have spent far too long being other-focused.
Great video as always Dr Ramani. New Subscriber here.
I was Brought up in a(Toxic House hold) with a narcissistic mother& and with a overly critical Father. All throughout most of my adulthood(until recent years) I always tended to attract Toxic relationships and people into my life. Content and videos like this have helped me enormously to gain more awareness, understanding, to add up the dots and to truly work on my own flaws(Such as being) a people pleaser, trying to play the saviour-role and for trying to fit into places where I do not belong!!
Literally just journaled about how I don’t think I would have married him if I didn’t have family/friends, shaming me over being single and not finding someone… And this wonderful validating
Doctor Ramani shows up and validates!❤❤❤
The guts will warn you but it takes experience 💔 to listen to them.
Dr Ramani has done a serie on the different types of love bombing, I really recommend it to those who are not ready yet to listen blindly to their romantic instinct
👁💞..
PTSD is real. I’m so heartbroken right now. My wife just left me two days ago, and she’s already pursuing another man. SHe doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m so sad and wish I could have her back.
it’s hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn’t just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counselor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Father Obah Eze has assisted my close friends, coworkers, and even family members in getting their ex back.
i just checked him online , very impressive thanks.
Dr Ramani, btw I believe it is a mistake to constantly mention being late as a red flag because there are a lot of us who genuinely struggle with time blindness due to ADHD. We know it’s important and care about other people & their time and feelings, but we do struggle. It’s not narcissism (and my narc uses it against me all the time because he knows a very timely and knows it is a reliable button he can push with me.)
“Or they go to the bathroom and come back”. Big red flag there lol. I really love that this woman doesn’t edit her videos. She just moves on or corrects herself. So much more genuine than what I’m used to. I really appreciate the level of expertise that she has in an area that I really need help navigating.
If you notice confusion it’s enough to get alarmed. The inconsistency of the behavior is always a very bad sign.
Sending healing to all narcissist abuse survivors……
I think you meant, go to the bathroom and don’t come back, as a neon sign. Going to the bathroom and coming back is what most of us hope for! 😄