THIS IS HOW to become your own person again AFTER a narcissist
Why can healing from narcissistic abuse still feel so difficult, even when you understand what happened? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores a deeper part of recovery that may change how you see the healing process.
Join Dr. Ramani on August 9 at 9:00 a.m. Pacific for The Arrogance of Individuation, a workshop exploring why becoming your own person can feel like an act of defiance after a narcissistic relationship—and how to begin giving yourself permission to do it.
This workshop is for Healing Program members only. Click the link below to join today and get 50% off your first month with code AUG50. Limited time only.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
After a narc, you do need to rebuild core aspects of your life, self-worth, trust, etc.
Yes, I agree…
This is hard. I still have trouble with it sometimes. But it’s so worth it.
Especially if raised by 2 in a high demand cult religion built upon narcissism….falling into a marriage early & seeing the same patterns I’ve “normalized” from life
As I understand the Individuation is a secure attachment style to your caregivers go through developmental stages and turning into a full-fledged adult.
Otherwise you have to do the work internally and be the parent you never had 😅
A narcissistic relationship almost killed me (physically and mentally) , Im glad it’s over (6 years of no contact) I still feel angry (sometimes) for allowing myself to be in such relationships. And many concepts that you explained in your videos took me years to be accepted (especially forgiving myself because I was human with inhuman people thats why I was fooled).
Things got better, but God that was fucking hard not because I was discarded by the narcissist, its because it puts you directly with childhood truma that lead to that relationship from the first place, and trying to find yourself and who you are (somtimes creating your identity from scratch)
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I can’t find a therapist in person who will even admit that this problem exists. They want to paint me as delusional for trying to talk about this type of abuse.
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You’re not alone in this. Just keep looking
Look specifically for a therapist that specializes in or has experience with healing from narcissist abuse. If they don’t have it, don’t waste your time and money. You’ll be much better off doing Dr. Ramani’s program, or Jerry Wise’s program. I am lucky that I found a therapist that specialized in adult children of narcissists. I had to look long and hard to find them though…
My advice would be to seek out therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse and narcissistic relationships. I went to some counselors and therapists during the course of my first marriage (to a female covert narcissist) and their advice was NOT helpful. In fact, a lot of it resulted in secondary injury and further abuse. But a few years ago, when my current (and forever) bride and I found out about the unimaginably hurtful smear campaign my adult daughter had been running behind our backs (attempting to ruin both our reputations as well as relationships with people we cared deeply about) we found a therapist in our area using resources from Psychology Today to make sure that we found someone who would have an understanding of what it was we were really dealing with. She was immensely helpful. I think this is SO necessary for people who are in the midst or immediate aftermath of narcissistic abuse. But is absolutely critical that the therapist you choose really has a deep understanding of narcissistic personality types and narcissistic abuse.
Sending love and healing to all narcissist abuse survivors……
Thank you so much 🙏 Love and healing to you all from me too
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Thank you 🙏❤
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This is so hard. I’m having trouble finding a therapist I can share the experience with. I’ve noticed some behaviors in myself that just remind me I have to reparent myself all over again. Having an adult that leaned on me emotionally, physically abused me. Mocked me and psychologically battered me, I’m just numb. I actually just realized that this bladder problem I’ve had since I was 17 and am now 36 possibly stems from chronic anxiety and a sleep disorder. It’s like having a human need is not only a burden but a trigger for them but if you confront them, they fall apart begging that they’re only human, they can only do what they know. 😢ahh!
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One. Day. At. A. Time. It’s okay to grieve. Grieving is healing.
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It’s been 12 years and I’ve still not recovered. Don’t feel like i trust anyone and dont trust myself either.
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10 years for me. Just keep working on yourself. You can do it.
That’s okay. You may never get to 100%. What matters is the effort. If you’re trying, that says more than the end result. Just keep trying!
15 for me, and I haven’t healed either. I know I’m safe now, but my nerves are stuck in “fight or flight.”
You should try grounding, it helped me feel safe to be myself. If you have a yard, garden, or park nearby, find a blade of grass, take your shoes off and either walk barefoot, sit, or stand. Put your hands on an old tree… it connects with Mother Earth, and helps you release pent-up fears.
Heard that all the time: “No one else feels that way, so you shouldn’t either.”
Those patterns do die hard. I felt like an inconvenience most of my life, too. Makes me angry.
You’re not an inconvenience.. you ‘re a beautiful human being with unique gifts and a place in this world. You are loved and cherished by the creator ❤️ Namaste
@GroundedInspiration0000Thank you! That was lovely.
Wow Dr. Ramani, you are an excellent teacher and speaker. I started the video to watch while I was doing other stuff, but I was literally on the edge of my seat through the whole video. World Class delivery of a critical subject. I could clearly see how it happened in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you and your amazing Team for everything you do for this community!
I’m learning so much about myself, in my elder years, since experiencing and recognizing narcisstic relationships. Sometimes I backtrack, but I keep learning and trying to be healthier.
I’m going to be a successful comedian!!!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani ❤️ You nailed it again. After growing up with a narcissistic father, I think these are the life affirmations I need to live by: I’m allowed to be me. My wishes and needs are valid. Your healing program is great!! 👍 I’m so happy I found your channel.
I was thaught „You are my child and will do as I say. You don‘t get to want anything!’
I’ve been listening to Dr. R since early days on YouTube. Joined her program when it was first offered to the public. I’m forever grateful and yes, healing is always ongoing. There’s so many tentacles when you’re born into this dynamic.
“…. I am 60, these patterns die hard….” …. mahalo. I am 70 and learning to have compassion for myself and to not expect siblings to understand ….. it is what it is ….. and if my soul’s journey is to learn to Love Myself …. I am OK … I am enough…. I am a good human being, despite the fact that I just don’t fit in this society …. my person died … I’m sad …. but I don’t have to give up on the idea of connecting again … and me and my dogs and trees and plants are plenty good enough.
“Narcissists are easy to deal with…you don’t.” – Mark Manson.
The trick is spotting them before you get too close, wasting time and energy.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
I’ve been watching your videos for years. For those of us in toxic relationships who can’t seem to walk away, they’re a lifeline. Thank you again! 💚💜