What happens when intimacy becomes another way to control you?
special guest @LaurenMakk and Dr. Ramani expose the painful dynamic that leaves you performing, competing, and still believing you’re not enough.
Watch the full conversation exclusively inside the Dr. Ramani Network. Join now. Link in bio.
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I wish I could ❤ this a million times. I was a model, a dancer, ran marathons, ran six miles a day when not training for a marathon, I know we had to be together every other day so that he wouldn’t treat me badly (or worse than usual because he’d treat me badly, anyway). Delivering a baby was reason enough to shame me for not having sex with him as often as he wanted. It became my fault that I was torn from delivering a baby and that needed to rest. So I needed to sleep out in the hall in the armchair with the baby while he slept soundly in our bedroom alone… for four months. I could go on but just that one aspect of this type of treatment is sufficient to illustrate the abuse and hell he put me through.
I’m soooo sorry. He didn’t deserve a good, solid woman like you 🫂.
I am also so sorry! He didn’t deserve you, or anybody else!
You are a wonderful human being who did not deserve that. So sorry. Much ❤and blessings
Did he have employment while you were stay at home mom?
Model/dancers always have problems with men because that career doesn’t coincide with marriage. Obviously strippers think everyone is controlling, it’s why the dance for money. And we all know they don’t go home and dance, just at work. Crazy to blame a man here
I can relate to everything being said here. He warned me he was a “sex addict”. Like with narcissism, I did not know what that meant. I learned. He said his AP was also a sex addict.
I joined the sex addict (partner) support group. Everyone talked about how great the sex was…I realized, no, the sex isn’t great because there was no connection. I was just a tool. I could have been anyone or honestly, anything that helped him reach His goal.
I am so glad to be out. It was a struggle to work thru the idea of “not being enough” also, how do you explain the deeply intimate details with friends and family? You don’t. It would need to be someone you can truly trust. Journal, seek therapy, join sexaholics anonymous…you will get thru it. And as Dr Ramani suggests, don’t date for at least a year. Get your head on straight before you venture out again.
Great video about a taboo subject
This is one of the best clips I’ve seen to explain this. ❤
They will begin to shift in their choices of material. It will become more extreme in nature and you want to distance yourself from the narc: the interests; the imminent exposure when they share their “interests” with someone who will be disgusted and tell the world, perhaps even the authorities…
Thank you sooo much for such videos I can’t appreciate it enough
As amorous and playful as I was, it was not enough for him. He wanted to do some weird stuff that I wouldn’t go along with. He felt icky. Glad to have escaped.
Porn is one of the biggest red flags to me.
100%!!!
He was NEVER satisfied… ugh
I can relate. I feel like he tried to make me feel insecure on purpose instead of appreciating me for who I am.
Same thing happened to me they have a playbook
@beadbrainjewelry8666 Right. You’re not alone.
That’s what men do to insecurities. Why were you entertaining a relationship if you were starting with insecurities?
@jus@justint.kennerly5780Oh okay. I don’t know maybe lack of self love towards myself.
Yes,was there before. Until I realised that I was the on performer side continually.
Without a genuine connection, there is not much sexual tension or desire. Especially when your partner only demands a performance from you rather than wanting a true intimacy and openness. It feels genuinely like you’re being violated or abused.
💯 😢
And they just derive joy from removing your joy/making you unhappy. This is another way for the narcissist to make their victim unhappy. That’s what has priority, they just use ‘unsatisfied’ as a plausibly deniable way of making you unhappy (but it can be plausibly passed off as a valid complaint).
THIS! This has done so much damage to me! Going directly from purity culture to the narcissistic relationship… I’ve been out of the relationship for 5 years now. I am JUST now starting to address thia aspect in therapy. I would definitely appreciate any more information on the sexual and intimacy aspect of these relationships.
I had drifted off from Dr. Ramani’s content for a good while. I’m finding I watching more and more lately. I thought i had grown past it. Im grateful Dr. Ramani is here when i need her.
I just listened to a podcast by Bare Marriage yesterday that illustrates how purity culture can easily set women up for SA and for these types of narcissistic or abusive relationships. Oh, how I wish I had known about this decades ago and avoided this pain!
A red Flag I wish I knew 14 years ago : When you’re not in the mood because he’s not meeting you emotionally, physically etc, and you want to sit down and have a heart to heart with your partner – healthy partners don’t rage and blame you, and cry about how they are the victim of the whole thing. They also don’t blame everyone and everything else on why you are both here.
Healthy partners seek to understand and accept accountability and are invested in the experience being good for both of you, even if they don’t “win” the argument – the satisfaction of both people matters equally and the healthy partners only agenda is a Way Forward that makes you both feel loved and seen.
Amen! This happened to me and you described it perfectly!❤
“It was never enough”…this sums it up perfectly!
Mine was the opposite, he didn’t want sex and I BEGGED for it, begged to try something new, asked over and over if he was getting it somewhere else. He even told me I wasn’t allowed to pleasure myself! The control was making sure I got no satisfaction at all while he was having the time of his life doing what he wanted.
This is what I experienced with my ex-wife. Counselors said she had NPD. You’re not as sexual as me, you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not dominant. She would always stop after she finished and not allow me to. It’s 100% entitlement, power and control.
I’m sure that this was an uncomfortable topic to discuss but I’m glad that you did because I have felt very confused by the narcs behavior regarding this as well.
Because they always convince you there’s something wrong with you, and we always believe it