The Narcissistic Loyalty Bind
Have you ever found yourself defending a narcissistic person, even when others were trying to point out what you couldn’t yet see? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores why this can happen and what it may reveal about where you are in the relationship.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I once did until I became like a psychologist myself, lol. Thanks to the Internet. I’ve learned a lot, patterns, abuse, cycles, personality disorders, mental illness, but most importantly, toxic family systems that perpetuates all of this n fosters this in society
And that was my wake up call. I’m a better person because of all of it and because of people like you will make it all happen, thank you Dr
” toxic family systems that perpetuates all of this n fosters this in society ” — THIS PART
كلنا هكذا نريد ان نتخصص في علم النفس رغما عنا 😂😅
@abeeral329 we all have too it seems like with these prices 😅
Yes husband of 33 years. But no longer.
No…I never defended the narcissist…let alone disengage with the truthteller..I appreciated the feedback even if it was uncomfortable…I sure wish more people would have warned me about that evil person
I know first hand the reality block courtesy my sister. I have never defended a narcissistic person though.
This sinks in so deep, I can’t count the number of times that I stood with my partner despite that over long years, I was defending them against their family, relatives, friends, colleagues at work or college, neighbours, and so on, thinking that all those people were wrong and my one was right. As a result, many people cut their relationships and many tried to reach out to me telling me about the red flags the see but I ignored them because I believed that my partner would never do such things, until I finally became the next victim on the list.
Now that I have broken it off, I see it clearly. Two friends suspected covert narc traits, and I kept saying “emotionally immature”, like that is SO much better?!? Repair was impossible-it was a vicious cycle and often me naming my hurts often turned into me apologizing!!!His patterns were predictable, and no matter what it is called, the patterns were unpleasant and I am worthy of so much more!
Right there with you 😢
This is my son with his wife, much to his own demise. So hard to watch. So I don’t.
It’s not that people are necessarily tricked by the narc that’s abusive to you, sometimes their supporters are secret haters of you and are looking forward to your destruction. Beware, they are everywhere.
“Repair is possible with HEALTHY people…not with Narcissitic people…” what a powerful statement and so true. I am still trying to accept this fact. I have really struggled with this, I want to repair my family relationships so bad and it is hard to accept some people are not capable of it. Thank you #DoctorRamani ❤
After all the time you put in to potentially change the situation, only to learn it was a giant con for supply! Forgive yourself for believing you and your partner were on the same page. I was a big “rescuer” and had to force myself to ignore pleas for help.
@shelleyclark3153 ❤❤❤
I defended my sister’s “reputation” for years before I had to cut her off, and I have even found myself doing it after, because I know some of the abuses she has endured. I don’t want people to be hurt… and that is the difference between us (me and a narc).
I once defended my Narc Ex without realizing that I was doing so because I was Trauma-Bonded. I know now, that we’ll do anything to find excuses because of that ‘Bonding’. 🍒
Thank you for your work 🩷
IDK who else is going through this – but I kind of sort of feel like it’s worse when you are the one who sees & tells the truth and you get the “HOW DARE YOU” from the OTHER people in your … extended family / sigh
I really appreciate what feels like the newest chapter of Dr. Ramani’s teachings where she’s talking about how little social support survivors really do have from the OTHER people in both the “family” and extended family orbit and the wider social orbits … people can just POUND on you when all you’re trying to do is get it together to continue in a more healthy fashion
This is not a world in which many survivors can feel safe at all
❤ Dr. Ramani ❤
I survived nearly 20 years of NPD abuse from my parent’s siblings due to family issues. Currently, I am trying to save my sanity from my NPD mother-in-law of 13 years; I tried grey rocking, but it is not working, so I am going to try no contact. This mother-in-law is selfish, mean, and two-faced. She even blamed her son, my husband—the scapegoat of three—for taking his father to a specific hospital for open-heart surgery, accusing him of causing his father’s death. The other siblings, acting as flying monkeys, are playing along with her. Between the insults, blame, accusations, and silent treatment—which she is now directing at my children—I have decided to put an end to this. No pain, no gain.😢
Yes, my mother, but no longer.
Now I can see the reality.
Dr. Ramani you are opening my eyes, thank you.
I’ve been doing this almost my whole life.
I defended her. I lost friends. I lost connections I had built over many years, all in the blink of an eye.
I spent weeks in therapy, and for the first time, I can finally see things for what they really were. She became a disease in my life. I spent years catering to her every need, trying to keep the peace and make things work, yet somehow it was never enough. Arguments could come from absolutely anywhere.
Eventually, I lost the spark. I started doing less and less, and naturally, the arguments only became more frequent because I was no longer constantly giving her everything she expected from me.
She cheated on me multiple times. And when I finally began emotionally distancing myself, I started realizing just how much I had lost along the way.
I lost myself. I lost good people. I sacrificed relationships, friendships, and parts of who I was for someone who never truly appreciated what I gave.
Today, I don’t feel hatred toward her. I feel disgust for what that relationship became and for the person I allowed myself to become within it.
I’ve forgiven myself for falling for her. But I will never forgive myself if I ever lo
My adult kid is married to a narcissist who has interfered in most of our family relationships with said kid. I don’t say anything to cause a defensive response. My kid is suffering because of the gaslighting and usual narc behavior. It is so upsetting. But until my offspring has the dawning of reality, I want to keep the channel of communication open. It’s a tough place. Thanks, as always, for your video.