What Your Narcissistic Parent Took From You
What if some of the patterns you’re still struggling with today began long before you had words for them? In this video, Dr. Ramani explores the hidden impact of narcissistic parenting—and what can start to shift when you begin untangling those wounds from your sense of self.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They steal your ability to understand that peace isn’t waiting for the whistle to blow and send you over the top.
Many narcissistic mothers still control their children even when they become adults and have families themselves through many ways such as validation and compliments, etc. This keeps those children in an endless cycle of seeking validation and compliments, therefore, the abuse goes on no matter how old that child become!
Also, financial control or childcare.
@missanthropy5808 Exactly, thanks to adding this, especially if they are wealthy and their children are struggling financially.
@zmesopotamia6792Yep, exactly. I lost my job after the Hollywood strikes and my mother offered to help in exchange for extorting me for what she wanted. It’s a transaction.
Mutter-Sohn-Tochter- missbrauch ein sehr wichtiges Thema.
Haben wir erlebt- als Säuglinge – Trost fanden wir im Kinderheim Kloster- Bingen am Rhein.
Doch bleiben solche Themen ein Tabu Thema.
Weil keiner zuhören richtig kann..also, die Menschen wollen vielleicht die Wahrheit wissen-aber nicht hören
Mit freundlichen Grüßen
Andreas von Lieres
My mother narcissist drove my brother to have a heart attack by mentally abusing and draining his energy even though he had his only family..
😢 😢😢
They take away your entire support system, I actually have no family because of my narcissistic parents. My entire life I was told to be a better child by my aunts and uncles even though I was never a bad kid, I just refused to listen to their abuse.
100%, same boat. It sucks. Sympathy.
Thanks a million Dr Ramani!💙🙏✌️
I feel like a wound can come from the non-narcissistic parent sometimes due to the fact that they are KEPT by the narcissistic parent from connecting with the child.
My narc mom triangulated siblings against each other and dad against kids and kids against dad and made sure we were rarely if ever alone for any meaningful time wo her in our midst. Even more so as adults. None of us ever see each other wo her.
Dad died 5 years ago but I am not sure HE ever clearly saw what she did to him. I sure didn’t until he was gone but started to become very obvious about a year after his decease.
Better late than never learning narcissism and its effects on us. I’m able to question myself is this my trauma or is this stuff really happening outside of myself. I always have had a hard time being around people. Finding out I’m autistic this late in life. But the education on narcissism has been a life saver. The reasons I am the way I am. The number one person who needs to understand this is me. My psychopathic narcissistic father was very critical and cruel. I’m able to breathe more freely in my old age. Ty Dr Ramani and all survivors ❤
Yes, there is reason to celebrate! Even if I have 1 day, 1 year, etc to live in peace and self forgiveness due to education and empowerment.
Not surprised, and sorry to hear you went through this yourself. It only makes sense – you show such profound insight. This video hits homefor me, and the way you describe it is so spot on.
One aspect you didn’t mention, where I may be damaged in some unique way 😀 Throughout my adult life – without knowing it – I only befriended and surrounded myself with narcissists. Because accomodating them was all I knew how to do, it felt familiar and in a twisted way “safe”. I literally had zero sense of self and had no idea this was happening, until I got therapy that is.
Oh this hits a raw nerve @DoctorRamani. 😢 I grieve for my 8yo daughter and how I’ve messed up re attunement. I’m working on me so I can be better. Thank you.
I’m proud of you for putting in the work for yourself and your relationship with your daughter. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. Keep fighting the good fight!
This is very accurate, for a very long period of time I’ve witnessed how a narcissistic mother destroyed the life of a woman dear to me, she’s done irreparable damage to her and implicitly me, by the fact that I always tried to help her out of the situation. The mother’s obsessive drive for control did a lot of damage to her family, and it still does to this day. Wish I could do more for her, but now I’ve came to the conclusion that the only way she can get out of this is by her own hand, she needs to reclaim her own inner voice back from the monster of a mother that pushed her into enforced obedience. In some cases it’s not just narcissism, it can become true psychopathy. There’s nothing more I can do than hope for the best for her, I know she has the strength to prevail.
My mum who I realise is narc, expected me to be her best friend even though she was volatile and occasionally violent. She cried on my wedding day, unfortunately it turned out he was narc too, (didn’t know of all this back then). My mum cried not tears of joy but for herself. She was inconsolable because she was going to be alone. I knew that was off but couldn’t put my finger on why until recentlywhen I learned about narcissismand emeshment. Thanks for enlightening us so much.
…and probably out of envy too. My mother also cried at my wedding – to a narc – I was also not aware what I was dealing with, I resonate.
I am sorry you went through this, hi how are you now? I have had crazy stuff with my mother and the pain lingers. However, my older sister took on that role of becoming our mother ‘s bestie. I did not. Are you still married or divorced, how is ur relationship now with your Mum? ❤
Liz
What my narc parents took from me was the ability to make decisions using logic, rather than emotion………
You are still beautiful @60! And extremely smart. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Hi Dr. Ramani and the community, I like your example of the phone situation. I grew up hearing, “Im on the phone right now, what do you want?” That voice from my mothet was nasty and abrupt. I grew up feeling I’m not important or I don’t matter where she’s concerned. We have been estranged 30 or so years off and on, now, 1 year off. Thank you for this great material.
Liz
I thank you!❤
I’m in tears again.
That’s interesting that you bring up non-narcissistic parents causing parent wounds. I never had the words to explain why my feelings about my mom are so complicated and why I was angry with her for so long, but that explains a lot. It’s something to contemplate when I go to therapy because the majority of my personality involves fixing or doing, perfectionism for myself but low expectations for others. I didn’t realize that her not protecting me when my narcissistic sperm donor would rage at me over stupid things, manipulate to and lie about me, the constant triangulation – all of that would cause a parent wound. But that makes sense, because a parent who doesn’t protect you is often an enabling parent, and that causes trauma all on its own. Thank you for reminding us why you’re so passionate and empathetic to our struggles, because our struggles are yours too.
Thank u for seeing us!
Your “guess” about the sons of narcissistic mothers being groomed to be enablers and deal with terrible relationships is spot on. We get programmed to serve others, fix problems, and lack boundaries. Our job is to self-abandon to receive love. Our job is to be controlled and say “yes” to everything. Love is “supposed” to be difficult and a chore, something to constantly earn through service and perfectionism.
Both my parents have passed. I think I grieve the lives they could have had more than my own. They had three kids that loved them and desperately wanted their approval. My last visit to my father (who was terminally ill) was so painful that when I got in the car to take me back to the airport I looked back at him standing in the doorway and said to myself “I will never put myself through this again. I will never come back here”. I called him a few days later and said to him “I am thinking about you and praying for you”. His response? “Yea, pray for me. Do you want to talk to your mother?” I quit my job and sat in my apartment drinking for a month. Luckily they hired me back but I was a shadow of myself for my remaining year there. Years later my mother’s last rage at me (over the phone) was so vile that I cut all ties and changed my phone number. She died a few weeks later and my brother had to call my place of employment to tell me. What wasted lives they had.