Why Would a Narcissist Cheat With a Downgrade?
What happens when a narcissistic person cheats or moves on—and you look at the new person and think, really?
Sometimes what feels like “trading down” can be even more confusing than being replaced by someone who seems like an upgrade.
In this video, Dr. Ramani breaks down why “trading down” may actually give the narcissist exactly what they were looking for.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They always downgrade until they end up lonely. And even when they describe their previous exes, most of it is just lies and exaggerations.
I wouldnt know ive never cheated
Yes, they are compulsive liers….
I wouldn’t imagine they end up lonely. They simply thrive on charming people and they’re excellent at it.
It’s all about the access of supply. Don’t take it too personally.
Thank you for the reminder
@oceanwoodsyou’re welcome! It’s heart shattering bc you’ve spent so long trying so hard to keep it all together. When they just didn’t really care all that much hurts.
It’s about control, because control secures their supply. They will settle for someone less attractive, less successful, less everything… if it means that they can dominate and control them. Because they couldn’t do that with you. You saw through them. You challenged them. You weren’t willing to tolerate the abuse anymore.
This. Absolutely no doubt.
How funny. I have been the one they actually thot they cud downgrade to.
With the economy & lack of resources, several years ago I chose to not suffer creepy roommates just to afford housing, and started living off grid, structuring dwellings myself and powering them with solar & generator & systems for water supply etc.
When these unfaithful gamblers, losers, dopers, or alcoholics hit a streak of bad luck, often thinking they cud show up here as to not feel so bad ( becuz I was “ worse off”)
They were stopped dead in their tracks, ha ha.
☝🏻10,000% Exactly THIS!
I understand very well unfortunately.
My ex, who had dark tetrad traits, had an affair with a psychopath who tricked him into paying for her divorce (tens of thousands of dollars), so she could marry her other lover.
They are also hopelessly insecure and are very intimidated by the idea of their partner being attractive and desirable and cheating on them! Hope that makes sense lol
I don’t really care who he’s with. What hurts me is that I’ve lost everything, while this parasite has drained the life out of me and is carrying on with his life as though nothing happened. There’s no justice in that, and the pain and unfairness of it all make me feel suicidal.
I am truly sorry for your grief, loss and anger. Please know that somehow, despite us being strangers online and in my case, an ocean separating us, you are not alone. I hope you can find support some how, even if it’s an anonymous Helpline.
Sending you much love and a big hug ❤
This right here. To take everything and reduce you to a husk of their own creation, only to be tossed aside for a newer, shinier person. You were what they wanted until they broke you and now they don’t want to deal with their mess so they discard you like you were nothing.
It’s pure evil.
Just watch. You will win in the long term. Be patient. Your time is coming. I am out 30-plus years and could not be happier! Married now 20 +years a real guy this time, who treats me right. You will see it more objectively as time passes. Hang in there; do what you need to do for a good and happy life. Don’t dwell on the material things. Justice will come for him. You will be lucky if you get to see it.
You will get over this .. it has nothing to do with you or who you are. I’m still dealing with this myself.. it’s them , they’re just out right cruel.. It’s has nothing to do with who you are.. It really doesn’t have anything to do with us.. we didn’t know..
Thank you for sharing this, clears my headspace. I get this now…
Omg!
LMAO…..
DR R SAVES MY BROKEN SOUL AND HEART DAILY
The downgrade might be less intelligent and less likely to see through a narc’s bs and more easily fooled.
The “younger” puts them in a position of immediate control. My ex’s gf was 15 years younger than him and a smoker with 2 divorces in her early 20’s.
I just laugh out loud when I think that they each got what they deserved! 🤣
Upgrade with income level but downgrade in looks. She just went for the next opportunity before we broke up.
The words downgrade and upgrade make it black and white and forces patterns and behaviors to be thought of as linear. I think they need novelty in supply. To see what works for them. Only time I kinda disagree with how the topic is explained in a video, because the new supply is both an upgrade and a downgrade in different areas.
“Downgrade” is easier to manipulate and exploit on the longterm. Glad I am out. He will have to face one day the consequences. Breaking many womens heart will not be ignored by my God.
Amen sis!
Thanks for these lessons. It’s been 25 years since we were together, but she still finds a way into my thoughts when I least expect it. In fact, videos about “covert” narcissists and trauma bonding started trickling into my feed a couple weeks ago and now I finaly understand how she found a way so deep in my mind.
Dr. Ramani, You are total blessing to untold numbers. Thank you
They down grade because smart people are on to them now a days
Brilliant. Again, it comes down to Supply, in any form. It’s Not You.
Thanks Doc. The same happens in workplaces when someone downgrade is choosen over you, it’s not cheating but a betrayal!
The concept of trading down is narcissistic
Yes! I actually felt kinda bad for a break-up who thought sleeping with a low-life would make me jealous.
Thanks Dr. R. 🌊🏄♂️
Thankyou Dr Ramani. This IS kind of obvious once narcissism is seen and understood for what it is, and when one is on the path to healing.