5 things that SET OFF a narcissist
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
1. THE TRUTH 2. Reality 3. Their True Self 4. Your True Self 5. Rejection 6. Exposure 7. Whenever everyone’s attention isn’t on them
MVP. Thanks, nice to see you here man.
So basically everything 🤷🏻♀️
@@rogueerised979pretty much! 😂😂😂
Indifference. They like compliance and conflict.
But indifference is really aggravating for them. Either they will destroy you, if they have the power, or they will pretend that you don’t exist.
@@purvamandlik4696 hell ya. Experienced that
Your silence is your weapon. Silence meaning no reaction.
Agreed!!! I can def attest to the fact. Narcissists HATE indifference! How else are they supposed to get that burst of pleasure chemicals!
It put the narcissist in my life into a rage and they doubled down.
Yes, sometimes they throw something out there to bait you and are fishing for information. Asking personal questions about how much rent you pay, how much you earn,etc. Just do not react to anything you don’t like. That’s my new superpower- don’t react.
Indeed. 🤐
1/ Setting Boundaries
2/. Saying No
3/. Calling Out The Narcissist
4/. Not Giving Them Enough Attention
5/ Not Getting Their Way!!
I was cheated on after 11 years, then hoovered and same thing happened 11 years later. If only I’d had the information that’s available today 11 years ago I would have saved those last 11 years of my life. Thank you for your videos Dr. Ramani. They are helpful for survivors like myself, who was not aware of the level these people go to to destroy lives.
They play to win…at ALL COSTS! It’s truly frightening!
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on.
Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule.
Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me.
Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style.
As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake.
Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen.
Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it.
NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping
Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift.
You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya!
Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements.
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you.
Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others.
Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings.
Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible.
Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening.
Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog.
Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck
Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish.
Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com
Yea im not reading that essay
@@Gladiator22311too bad. I thought that at first too. But there’s some good stuff in there
Thanks It really is too bad that wisdom is earned the hard way. I appreciate you sharing yours.
Well said, every word of hard-won wisdom. Gem of a motivational poster. Thank you for taking the time to share it.
Great advice. Thank you for writing this. I love the timer idea. Genius! I set timers for everything in my day except for the time-sucking spirials, videos, research, rumination, grief, exhaustion, and, of course, the thought and time it takes to reply to said videos. 🙂 I got sh!t to do! We all got sh!t to do if a narcissist is in your life. Safety first and foremost. You know your situation better than anyone else. Plan the safest departure, be steadfast, and get out! You will never be safe if you stay.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! My only need was to be treated with dignity. Despite how flexible I made myself, it was never enough.
Dr Les Carter has a slogan: Dignity Respect …?…
Can’t remember the last one
m@@susanmercurio1060 Civility
The guide to piss the narcissist off; Just BREATHE in their vicinity.. That’s all I had to do And I have. a laundry list longer than my body of people that actually hate me because I breathe in their vicinity..
So true. I’ve dealt with so many entitled people, that I have no interest in meeting new ones. They eventually turn entitled and when I refuse their demands or expectations I get verbally attacked and made out as a bad person. It’s just not worth it for me, nor do I have the energy to care about being around them, so I remain to myself where my demands and expectations of myself is what is important to me, not anyone else’s.
It may not be the healthiest way to deal with it, but after what I’ve been through with so many people like this in my life, It’s my only saving grace to stay sane.
Isn’t it wonderful to learn that you enjoy your own company? I like spending time with myself. We have a lot in common.
At 68 years old I’ve had my belly full living on this narcissistic prison slave planet. Beam me up Scotty, I finally get it. ..How to deal with the constant butt-holes in our lives. Maybe in the future with the narcissist being exposed- possibly we may have some real intelligence on our planet-included emotional intellect. This place is INSANE! Ty Dr Ramani – cleaning up this place… ❤
I feel the same way 🚀
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Yes! ❤
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Thank you for this! I’m currently 40 and EVERYONE around me thinks I’m a freak! Cause i constantly complain about the state of things, where we came from, how we seen to be regressing, etc. And I don’t really even want to be a part of it. I refuse to aid something i believe to be wrong, or broken, but if something is evil, not only do i not want to contribute I want to punish those involved! I’ve been like this since I was young. Always HATED bullies, and I’m human enough to admit it, i beat the piss out of a few too! I truly believe some people will only ever understand violence. I try my hardest to avoid it at all costs, but if a line is crossed i have NO PROBLEM going there. Anyway, thank you, it’s nice too know you’re not alone sometimes!
This is 1000% accurate!!! It took me almost 5 decades to learn/accept and understand change is NOT possible w these people. After years of banging my head into the same wall! It’s literally the definition of insanity, where doing the same thing, such as trying to get them to understand u n change, and expecting different results n yet u still get the same results. You will always get the same results. Stop wasting your time and just leave n go on with your life ❤️✌️🙏
I just re-read a 4 year old email response I sent to a narcissistic family member this morning and I found myself getting so angry with myself for the way I responded because I had betrayed my own feelings about the situation. I couldn’t understand why I responded the way I did – so over-the-top concerned about their feelings, trying to comfort them even when they were mistreating me. 😮 Then I played your video. Aha! I was fawning! 🤦🏻♀️😅 Your video put that right in perspective and now I understand the why behind my behavior. It’s something I may always be working on, but awareness is the first step to take towards overcoming. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your content. ❤ You are a life saver!
I am a retired professor who worked with the mother of all narcissists. Whenever I disagreed with him I would get responses like “You are going to tear this department apart” or “Maybe you should think about resigning.”
I don’t care anymore if they’re narcissistic, simply abusive, justified in their treatment of me because I wasn’t a perfect mother, I’ve decided not to take the abuse anymore. The why doesn’t matter. I’m done. I’m finished. I’m not the punching bag anymore.
You are Wonderful, Dr. Ramani. Empowering!
I totally agree! I wish I had access to this information when I was young and going through it. ❤
THANK YOU DR. RAMANI – you’re a marvel in my life and have been for years! I’ve never thanked you publicly. ! T H A N K Y O U!
I recall an incident when I was 3. I called my father out as a liar. It just came out because of the shock of watching him.
I was immediately threatened within an inch of my life.
“Survival isnt always elegant ” – That made my day!
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SHOW OF DOMINANCE is exactly what they do! OMG, Dr Ramani always helps put words to feelings I can’t seem to put words to. Thank YOUUUUU DR RAMANI 💙
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much – once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate – he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual – when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon – which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving – holding hands, hugging, kissing – but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don’t have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me…
this is the best spam comment i ever read!! sucked in right to the punchline 🙄🙄
@@llwydanwyl 😂Agreed! Like OMG… I was so invested, it’s shameful.
@DoctorRamani Keep being of service to the world. Don’t let anyone tear you down. I am shocked to see the level of vitriol and jealousy being exhibited by academics in this field. You saved my life (physically and psychologically) and you will save many more.
💯