The 2 internalized inner tormenters that come from narcissistic relationships
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They shame you. They make you feel like you’re not good enough. They blame you for everything, as though you were just thinking about yourself. And it trauma bonds you to them. It triggers the fawn response. To where you keep trying to be better, and you make everything about them. You neglect yourself. And you keep giving more and more to someone who is never going to value you anyway.
Bitter truth
It’s definitely a nightmare experience, excellent characterization. Please stay hopeful it’s very possible to heal and it does heal over time. Joy, Gratitude, Perseverance 🫶
@@VictorNolochemicalthank you. Well said.
So true
Yes so true
This is the reason why most people become homeless, from a broken heart caused by a narcissist.
Wow I am homeless after being abused by two narcissists. Never knew it happened to others as well.
Yes. My brother and I both victims of a narcissistic father and older sister. He became a lifelong drug addict and ended up on the streets and died on the streets
It is so important to clear yourself of a narcissists ‘demons’ so that you can move on without the negative thought patterns and self doubt they tried to pass on to you. A narcissists goal is to insert hurt in the hopes that it passes on for decades and through lineages. Protecting yourself from any ongoing echos of their negativity is extremely important (and possible!)
Narcissists have no problem pointing out your mistakes and they definitely won’t praise your good work.
@@youngblood8540 That’s a fact !!!
Thank you Dr Ramani! I still have that voice in my head. “I’m not good looking enough”, “I can’t cook”, “I’m not capable of taking responsibility”, “I’m not clever”, “I’ll be a useless parent”, “ I can’t wear that colour”, “my house isn’t nice enough”. Life has proved that voice wrong again and again but it still nags me. I worry too much about pleasing other people. I can’t be satisfied with myself. Is it me? How do I get over it? I’m never competitive. I can’t bear the whole concept of daring to compete. You’re so right, Dr R. Narcissistic relationships are not about love but it’s so hard accepting that your own mother doesn’t love you!
My 96yo mom just told me to hold my 73yo stomach in. She’s always made me feel never good enough. Now I understand why people drop off their parents at an assisted living place and never visit.
@@MM-gk5of My 80+ y/o mom is the same. Somewhere she learned her only value is / was her looks. Always projecting that at her daughters. It doesn’t matter WHO you are. It matters what you LOOK like. Nice to know she tortures herself inside with these kinds of thoughts, but we can walk away and see a better way.
I actually think I’m not so bad.
But I also believe that no one else anywhere in the world will agree.
I can totally relate to your comment. What has helped me in the healing process is taking on little things that I was told I couldn’t do. Example of what I mean is I’ve found out a way to teach myself to crochet. Growing up my Mom would knit & crochet. I was constantly trying to connect with her & would ask her to teach me to crochet. She had no patience to teach me. I had a hard time reading the patterns. Come to find out I’m dyslexic, long story on how I found out but anyways, this is why I had problems learning to crochet. I didn’t give up & found YouTube video tutorials that taught me visually how to crochet. I started with beginner videos & now I’m working on intermediate patterns. I can’t tell you how doing this, pushing myself to not give up, has helped me in my healing process. Whenever I feel overwhelmed I focus on a crochet project & it distracts me from the stress & also gives me a sense of accomplishment. I call it my yarn therapy 😊. I’ve also gotten into Bread making. Something I’ve always found to be a challenge I was not capable of doing. Can’t say I’ve always been successful at it but have had more success than not & the loaves that weren’t successful were still edible so not a complete failure. Kind of like a life lesson through bread making. You learn through failure. So don’t give up because the perfect loaf could be the next loaf you make ☺️.
I’m adding this video to my bookmarks to rewatch it everyday. Thank you doctor!
Instead of telling that voice that I’m going to do it anyway, I’ll ask it “are you going to help me get there?”
This helps me bridge the realization that the voice wants to help me, and that I can request it do so differently.
Oh, you have a nice voice. My voice says “why would I help YOU?”
@@lindac6919 Mine loves to give me everything but what I can work with in any timeline that helps with the problem that’s in front me.
I need money bad, life gave me a massive windfall of surplus inventory worth a lot of money (I work in the recycling industry) The problem is the outlets that buy what tI handle are not buying and I am broke and drowning in high-value stock I can’t sell now.
This is exactly where I am. It correlates with the PTSD long term I am dealing with
Wow. This video helped me to connect with things I’ve struggled with but didnt understand. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏🏻
Thank you for this insight…at 76 years old I’m finally starting to understand..I’ve been trying to find out who I am for all these years.
Being the top high school student in the country where I grew up gave me proof of my value. However, 48 years with narcissistic criticism now still feels like a noose. I moved far away, but the messages in my head went with me.
Same here. I scored the highest IQ in the school in 7th grade and all it got me was absolute endless hell after that for not being perfect at everything. (largely why I gave up at/on life.)
Your point about doubting your own accomplishments is so spot on. I often catch myself telling myself that if I could do something, it clearly wasn’t that difficult – even things that I would be very enthusiastically proud of others for. I feel like I have a supportive and realistic standard for others and a completely ridiculous standard for myself.
I so relate. So much so that whenever I talk about an accomplishment, I sort of feel shame for the next few days and worry about if other people think of me as a bragger. 😫
This is an awesome video. Such clarity and packed with so many points! The quality of your communication talents and ability to present complex things so well is the best! 💓 🎉 Your understanding of the layers and interactions of so many; far reaching, trauma effects: is incredible!😮❤
Damn, This feels like she knows my soul.
This video describes me perfectly. A helpful statement to keep in mind is ‘Dare to be average’. I’m a big procrastinator but if I dare to be average I can accomplish a lot. 😊
You said it exactly. I quickly as a child came up with the concept of nothing ventured, nothing lost. The attempt to gain (and fail) was always too risky. Better to keep what little I had than take a risk that was destined to fail. Risk isn’t worth it. Not trying new things is its own safety when you’re convinced you can’t do anything right, anyway.
Brilliant. The successes in our lives seem even more miraculous once we understand how this temporary programming sabotages us.
What about the divine intervention level sabotage? As in when the too stupid to even be believable happens, over and over, in order to keep something good from transpiring as it should have?
“Love means never holding ourselves back but it actually means being our best version of ourselves and a person who loves us, encourages that”. 🙏
Love it! ❤Watching it for the second time in a row, because it resonates with my current situation so much… The never-ending battle between toning myself down when having to deal with my narcissistic mother and being my true authentic self when alone or when with other people, showing and expressing my true feelings, needs, and wants, but at the same time still very much afraid of being judged any minute, just the way my mother has always judged me and belittled me… 😪😪😪
I love you. Heartfelt thanks for these insights that are undoing the damage done.