Dr. Ramani: The Best Way to Deal with Narcissists Without Arguing
Dr. Ramani reveals how to handle narcissists without arguing or fighting. Learn effective strategies for managing narcissistic behavior and maintaining peace in toxic relationships. Discover practical tips to avoid conflict and protect yourself!
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
However, it is inevitable really. Due to the fact that narcissistic people push you to your limit, you always end up arguing with them. They have close minds and you’ll end exhausted with just even a little talk with them. They’ll always find fault in you. Respect yourself and just DONT ENGAGE.
I don’t engage with them because I know what it will lead to
@@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807 Truly exhausting, right? I experienced arguing with a narc at first, then I learned to not engage. You know what, they’ll do everything to provoke you and eventually you’ll engage. Never ending toxicity coming from them!
@@lezeldeguzman true, some narcs want attention and will do anything to provoke their target if they are ignored by them. It happened to me with my narc neighbor, and it got to the point that I called the police. However, after that, the narc neighbor started engaging in covert tactics to get my attention, like moving things to the side of my property, and going in my mailbox. Mind you, I didn’t have proof of him doing these things, but I had no problems with anyone else in my community. With that said, they were ruled out as suspects, and the narc neighbor was the only one with a motive. The only thing I could do was document the incidents and report them to the landlord, that’s it. Thanks for your response
I agree with you. They insert their will on you to the point that it can be detrimental to your well being. I don’t have this problem in my personal life because I do not keep them in my life, but at work they will always try to double your workload to lessen theirs or blame you for their screw up. You have to protect yourself from this. I think gray rocking is the best way to handle these types.
@@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807 Wow! That happened to me too, new neighbor moved in a bout 2 mos ago!
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
~ Proverbs 4:23
Thank you!
Thank u for that ♥️
What about Bob is an old movie too with Richard Dreyfuss. Quite hilarious actually but u probably knew that?
@@maggievada4797 yes. 😁👍🏻
i will remember this. thank you.
*Never* tell a narcissist your vulnerabilities.
If you do.. You’ll find yourself in a rage
They will emotionally rape you😢
If you do, they will use them against you
So true.
I recently did this with my mom, and she used it ALL against me. Devastating effects, but we have to let it go. They’re dealing with mental illness and want to impose the same feelings into others
It is so frustrating when the Narc don’t take accountability and will never apologize for what they’ve done.
That’s the first step 🙂 once you know you won’t get that apology, forgive them and move on. Forgiveness is for you, not because they deserve it.
It’s more important than you think because holding on to bitterness is essentially giving them permission to hurt you every day of your life. Forgiving them means letting go of all that.
@@drfill9210 love what you said. So wise. Such a valuable advice.
@@juanwang457 thank you. Good advice is always bought at a dear price. I share what little wisdom I have in the hope that others need not suffer 😇
Accountability? In my experience, they can’t even validate your hurt feelings as a result of their actions.
I hear this all the time, ” forgive them.” As we know, narcissists will NEVER be accountable and forgiveness comes with accountability and change. For me, I don’t forgive them. I forgive myself for whatever it may be, being in a relationship with them or thinking they will change or whatever it may be. Like someone said the forgiveness is for us NOT the narcissist. So I find the statement “forgive them” may sound nice bit doesn’t seem realistic. For me I forgive myself I wish them well or at least no harm and I move on with my life.
Biggest mistake I ever made was thinking I could call them out, forgive them, show them kindness and then they would change and become a better person. It only escalated the abuse
Amen what a nightmare
My experience says the same.
Yes they are full bullshit and can come up with all kinds of lies just to please their egos they will say anything to demean you and it happened to me do I didn’t even argue with them! She’s right be careful because around them when saying something because they just use your words to use against you!
I think blocking them was good but then I unblock them because I just feel so disgusted by them
Keep in mind that they are not well, I understand how their provoking language and attitude provokes you, but deep down it’s self hatred 😔
My sister is a fierce narcissist. I avoid her as much as I can. I could never imagine being married to a narcissist. I send so much love to everyone living with a narcissist.
Thank you for sending love. My heart breaks for my 11 year old grandchild who suffers daily abuse of put downs and shaming made to feel he’s a bad person because he’s so frustrated and hurt he lashes out which only leads to more demeaning of his soul. He’s so sad convinced that his mother hates him.and he’s not worthy of love. I do my best to let him know how much I love him and what a wonderful caring person he is. The problem is we live a world apart. He’s in the UK and I’m in Canada. There is no help for a child under the control of a parent.
Things have calmed down since my malignant narcissist father has been in and out of the hospital. He never speaks anymore willingly on his own. He’s now extremely peaceful. It is very very odd. But he’s suffering from dementia and delirium is what my narcissistic older brother told me. I do not talk to him at all. He makes excuses for why he won’t talk to me on his own. He’s been treating me invisible on purpose to make me submissive and feel inferior and unimportant.
They will all crumble around me
My sister too I had to mourn my relationship with her 2 years ago 😢 I always use to look up to her 😕
It’s difficult to manage this. Because they will always be part of your family. You know, for marriage there is a divorce, but in this case…I have a sister narcissist as well. Keep strong!
Me too me three me four. You’re not alone. I’m glad I’m not alone. I used to think I was crazy or mean. My God, how good it feels to know we are NOT the problem. The trick is that she’s blood related and we cannot completely avoid her. I also have to control myself to cool down when facing her for my Mom. Dad just passed away and I don’t want to cause more grief to my Mom.
I used to think I knew what a narcissist was until I met one. It’s like they create a pocket reality and suck people into it. One of the worst experiences of my life.
You’re quite right! A narcissist learned very young that there was only one way to get love from their parent, and they lock themselves in that one way from then on in life. They can’t handle anything outside that tiny world.
I find I rage more than they do cuz I let it all build up as I learn more and more. I give easily it helps me see all the tricks quick. Then one day I switch suddenly and show my martial arts back ground just so they think they will attack me like these other people they’ve attacked. At that point they talk to me they know I communicate well and I can also lock down easy (child abuse survivor)
SPOT ON
Well said
ditto
The Best way to deal with a Narcissist is to not deal with them at all! Remove them from your life and be on your way!
If you can afford financially to get out absolutely but unfortunately for a small few that’s not possible and please unless you know the exact circumstances you don’t know . And they can’t get out. Unless they win the lottery it’s impossible.
AMEN!
I did it even with my own son. It is hard but necessary
@@MMP9 I´m doing it with my son, my only child, right now!
Thank you so true
1. Ignore their antics 2. Show them that you don’t need them by actions 3. Ignore 4. Let others witness 5. They will pay with their own actions and karma 6. Sit back and laugh and watch 7. Don’t save them 8. Keep laughing
Love this ❤
😂
Thanks for this! ❤
7 is so important and a tough lesson to learn
So true. 😂
Healthy relationships are about balance, respect, compassion, and mutual regard.
all the traits a narc doesnt have!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🔥🔥❤️🤝🏾
So true
Great video! This quote came to me after many years of dealing with a narc sibling-“You can never win with a narcissist. But you can’t lose if you don’t play the game”. Appealing to their sense of fairness,humanity,compassion? Forget it. They live on their own planet. They simply don’t care.
Not my monkeys, not my circus is a term that has stuck with me and helped me.
Brilliant statement. Thanks for that enlightening quote
Avoiding a feeling of pity is also a great rule of thumb. Don’t let pity suck you in. Act with compassion when prudent to do so, but avoid feeling sorry for anyone.
He was diminishing me, gaslighting me, minimizing my feelings, and hating me when I was physically unwell with severe allergies and menstrual monthly pain and nausea. When I was diagnosed with Sensory processing disorder and hyperacusis, which made it difficult to find a regular job, he was still saying that I was exaggerating and pretending. No matter what did, I never was good enough. He destroyed my persona and my self-esteem by constantly belittling and attacking who I was. The biggest shock was when he started to blame me for his own insecurities. This is where I realized he would not stop until he destroyed me completely. You know when I had enough? I realized that he made me feel bad about myself and said to him, end of the story for me, we are getting a divorce. Since that day he has been maliciously mean to me (we lived together for a few months) because I was the one who petitioned, he tried to punish me. It’s a nightmare not only to be with a narc., but also to leave a highly unhealthy relationship like that.
I’m happy I divorced from the narcissist ! ! !
Let me guess… He downplayed, diminished, or even discounted your claims of physical illness until you had proof that was a refutable and he could no longer do that so then he just resented you for it? It’s evil
A narc is never wrong. It’s always you. and they love to keep the argument alive.
And why do they have so many minions? I’ll always be the ogre because I see through them but How Dare I Say anything!!
What do you do if they keep bringing up the same argument even after they’ve been proven wrong? They’re raging at this point. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Like so many people, I just want to say thank you Dr. Ramani. Like so many other people, I felt betrayed, lost, powerless, helpless, etc for the longest time thinking what I put in would mean something to this person, that one day they would see the light. Unfortunately I didn’t know I was dealing with a narcissist and most if not all of what you are saying makes so much more sense now. You help me see the light that I had prayed for. Thank you for saving me. Thank for doing what you do.
My ex! Never wrong! Even about trivial things that are proven.
Stay silent that’s what I do.
I can’t wait until I am strong enough and financially stable enough to leave this relationship – it is so toxic and it’s literally draining me
I had that mentality for way too many years. Don’t wait, get out right now. You won’t regret it.
Don’t wait, you will only slide deeper! Leave and pray, doors will open. Leave now!!!
Please don’t wait, my brother isn’t here anymore because he waited & gave chances to someone who has no respect or ability to respect a 2nd chance. You Waiting means giving them more power, more time to upscale the abuse & the ability to finish you off- financial stability is no use if you’re not here to benefit from it, Please please put your life value & worth before a narcissists, if you don’t then they have won. Just like a leech they suck the life out of people until there’s nothing left & they move on without any conscience & find another host .
me too
I just left him. No car, no job, I don’t even speak the language here fluently. I’ve got my best friend who’s been helping me a lot with my exit plan. But the hardest was to convince myself that he will never change. Took me over a year. I’m 56, not a very physical person and no idea whatsoever about how the system works here.
Put your mind into it. Remind yourself everyday of it. Be brave. The difference is like cold dark night and bright sunny day.
Hope to see you very soon on this side, sweetheart! ❤🤗
Narcississt is an angel of light in the outside and an angel of darkness in the home .
@toyabdool5127 That’s a very fake way of creating their facade if they act all good in false pretense, then become demons outside of the public eye.
absolutely
Yes❤
So true
So true
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It’s quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It’s too late now I had to get a TPO as he’s 6’6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He’s constantly talking about killing someone.
He’s violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.andrew_james
My Mom died in February of this year. She was married to my Father for almost 69 years. She attempted to leave him for YEARS, since we were kids, but always believed the love bombing and empty promises he’d make and he’d soon discard those promises upon her return. Years of narcissistic abuse caused STRESS daily. I believe it absolutely played a huge role in shortening her life. She had stomach issues. I’d say Mom needs to see a gastroenterologist. Why? He’d ask, “She’s had stomach problems all our marriage.”. Yeah….she died suddenly from ischemic bowels which led to sepsis, adrenal dysfunction, heart attack and death. I miss her. But she’s FREE at last.
She used to watch your videos. They helped her. Now I am watching them, gaining more insight on not to allow my Father to use me as his next supply.
Im reading you’re a very strong person. Hold on to self compassion for the strength it takes to deal with it all x
That’s very sad and I am so sorry for your loss. ❤ I’m glad you are getting some clarity and help coping with your father.
Please daughter have a very distant contact to such a father. Even though it hurts somehow. Have distance. BE YOURSELF!
I am so sorry i pray you continue to heal from this trauma🙏🏾
My mother made all family members flying monkeys. I had to turn my back to them all.
I gather it’s better to be lonely than being made laughing stock, being lied to and being ignored.
Same here … sorry you are going through this ❤
@@Affiliate_ep I’m sorry for you too. ❤
She turned a few classmates ( lived very near the school, invited them to come for a coffee during free between hour) and friends against me too. My best friend said in her face to shut the F* up about me.
Then my mum tried to befriend her on fb for over 10 years.
@@duintje14 How blessed you are for having a TRUE Best Friend who stood up 4 u..💓 I find much healing in Gratitude. I recently lost my best friend of 50 Years! She’s alive, we just no longer Friends. We were so close, we called each other Sisters! In reality, I have only 1 blood sister who i unfortunately, and recently, became aware that she was really a true Narcissist!?! …it was a hard 4 me to swallow & didn’t wanna believe it after ALL the yrs… Anyway, my (so i thought) Best Friend, was turns out to be a flying monkey, i guess! She made all kinds of false accusations about me and ended our friendship telling me that she’d been talking to my (real) sister behind my back. She said she believed all the things my Sister(the narcissist) had told her about me. Obvious lies, in order to turn my friend away from me, i suppose And that’s Exactly what happened. I lost (what i Thought to be) my Best Friend. It took a toll on me w/many months of grieving… as of today, I would not even Consider taking her back as a Friend. Even if she were to beg too. True Friends don’t turn their backs on Friends! One hard Life lesson learned. You must always treasure that Friend of yours! You are Blessed with a Real True Best Friend! i just 💕Love that!❣ 🥰
Same hun I hear you. It isn’t easy but better then fake help, broken promises, being controlled and lied to on a daily. Emotional abuse is not easy to deal with
i hear you. its strong of you that you can go away from it. I did for long time, but since mega crisis in my life some years back , my mum has this hold over me again now, more than ever, and has turned all the family against me by selling herself as some victim. i feel very alone. Wish there is some place to connect with people more likeminded. the narcissist theme has reappeared in many forms throughout my life. your comment gave me some hope. Thank you and wish you happy and well. well done.
1.do not call them out.
2.put your energy into understanding what all this is about.take the new found knowledge and use it to your decision making.
3.Grey – rocking . Not sharing your pain , just sticking to superficial topics.
Fire walling is another level. The boundaries that keep your intimate knowledge from them.
4. Turn to a social support group or friend. Vent in a space where you are safe.
5. Radical acceptance. Calling it out is potentially harmful.
6. Distractions- pick up a hobbies. Do something else. Watch a show or movie is helpful.