Narcissists are looking for something VERY DIFFERENT than you…
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
If you’re not afraid of being alone, you’re not afraid of anything. Keep looking for means to live without them.
Absolutely great insight! One step ahead of you, already approved for housing. If I can do this in my sixth decade of life, so can whoever is reading this.
It’s so true. Thank you for the inspiration.
It’s absolutely correct .
Am a living testimony. The day I over came my fear of rejection and being alone was the start of my peace of mind. I decided that if God was for me, the I didn’t have to struggle to be in the lives of those who did not see my worth. This surely was life changing. It was hard but when the pain of emotional abuse exceeded my fears, I became brave.
Freedom comes when you no longer care about them. It’s really hard because they chose you because of your caring nature. But one day I pray, you will awaken to their abuse and realize it was never about you. It was them the whole time.
Staying single is not such a bad idea. Be your own best friend. Then if a real partner comes along, you may make a better choice especially if you had narc parents.
I agree. I’ve been alone for 4 yrs and working on my co-dependent issues. My only regret is that I didn’t “stop, pause and do this earlier in my life”. I realize now at 67 that narcissism was normal and an ongoing factor in my life: My father, my daughter, MIL, siblings, 1st, 2nd and 3rd (oh my) husbands all narcissists. To heal I had to grieve the loss of the co dependent women I always was. It is possible to rebuild and find your hope, strengths, creativity, goodness and keep your love and compassionate nature – but I can only do that alone. I need to know what I want and need and what I won’t put up with to establish healthy boundaries. That takes some time. So many of us find we suffer from betrayal trauma and dissociation. Working on grounding myself, journaling, cultivating a spiritual practice to be authentic along with zero contact with narcissists is rewarding. Today, right now is the best time of my life. It wasn’t easy but I’m on the other side now. No boo hoo from me…this is a disease that has ravaged my life and I’m recovering. Good luck to all of you and you are worth it.
The psycho I was with would cry watching a documentary about the holocaust or a movie, give money to the homeless but didn’t cry a single tear when my father, her mother and our dogs died. She wouldn’t let me grieve and basically told me to get over it.
I was literally thinking about this the other day….I never had a chance to grieve
Yes they👹 do that false stuff to deceive people so they will think how nice & great they are. It’s really their false self cause they👹 treat us like 💩 & most of the time behind closed doors they Abuse us in many ways 😢💔.
Isn’t part of the definition of a Demon/ Devil someone who’s a Deceiver???💔
Oh my God I know I know
That’s my story all over again
And even that crying was an act. They “react” how they think they’re supposed to. Nothing about them is real.
Thank you so much for this video!!!
Everything that was said here is sooo true.
When you gave an example of them saying “Bless you” when we sneeze and we get so happy about it, I laughed but then cried… Gosh, we set the bar so low. When we sacrifice everything for this relationship, keep trying for it to stay afloat, they give a BARE MINIMUM.
When we look for the spark of humanity in them, they look for our flaws only to point it out….
Sick people, life destroyers 🥺
While you are looking for goodness in them, they are looking for your faults. There’s an asymmetry in those relationships. You can not connect because they are looking for supply not connection . If you start living on your own, you realise how beautiful and peaceful life can be without them.
Yes, the contrast is like night and day!
Thank you for your beautifully written comment. I think this is what I’m looking and hoping for. It’s so hard to enjoy the simplest things when in their midst, under their control. The fear and retribution is unreal. The things they do to punish you for simply speaking up for yourself or trying to set a boundary. I’ve studied and tried so hard not to provoke them, but they’ll throw a “surprise attack” and I react or say something without thinking first. The retribution is unreal. My s/o’s mom breaks into my room with knives. I’ve got oil, bleach, or had a seam ripper taken to nearly every article of clothing I own. I have no means to replace it. I asked her to please respect my privacy, things, and space. She took and disposed of journals from childhood on, huge boxes and bags of family photos, gifts from my mother, special items from passed relatives…She gave away my jewelry supplies after asking her son if I was serious about making jewelry and he said yes. She’s stolen and broken nearly every precious heirloom I have, stolen mail and documents, medication, put bugs in my food, cooked food that’s made me extremely ill…ruined or stolen everything I had listed on eBay, cut feathers on a dreamcatcher I treasure. Her daughter is my landlord so it makes matters worse when I tell her. I don’t understand. She’s moving soon. I just stay in my rented room for now. Legally, it’d be considered breaking and entering, burglary, destruction of property…She thinks she’s exempt from the law, but I’m afraid to do anything, I don’t know what to do really. Appreciating nature, my beautiful cat, or anything “me” has been impossible. I never imagined someone going to these extremes. I’m so depressed. I took really good care of my clothes, now gone/destroyed. I have a couple things left, but feel like it’s a matter of time. I wish I’d never said anything at all. I have 1/4 of what I moved here with. At least 60% of that is ruined. She stole all of my new kitchen/bathroom towel sets, products, photo albums my deceased grandmother put together for me, most of my kitchen utensils, containers. This goes above $5,000. It’s unreal. She started right when I moved, with the things she knew meant the most to me. I’ve lost and lost and now feel lost. I told her she doesn’t have to like me, but to please stop and she went onto doing much worse. She burned a huge hole in a nice wool sweater last week, cut and bleached a shirt that belonged to my stepdad, who passed on Father’s Day.
So true!!!
That’s my sister in a nutshell. She seemed to be able to find good in absolutely everyone except me (well and now her husband who she abuses)
Iza, pomysl, kto mysli codziennie o NPD? Ona wrzuca filmy od 6 lat, codziennie o tym samym, codziennie mysli tylko i wylacznie o narcyzmie, dlaczego? Bo sama ma to zaburzenie. Do tego ta mowa ciała, ona jest walnieta i to konkretnie, cale zycie zamknieta w swojej glowie, pochlonieta soba i dlatego tyle o tym wie. Ktos pomysli “a co w tym zlego jesli sie dzieli informacjami nawet jesli jest Narcystyczna?” a taka ze ona jest zachwycona swoim umysłem, “kocha” to kim jest, mysli ze jej rozkminy sa wyjatkowe, codziennie nagrywa i czeka az ludzie beda jej sluchac.
Dziwna babka.
What they initially said they loved about you and admired then becomes everything they hate about you. Unbelievable!
500 Days of Summer seems to be a documentary from the narcissist’s point of view. I feel that the writer was a covert narcissist. He was even surprised when the audience didn’t take his side. Hahaha
Yes!
Absolutely FACTS 💯
Activating a narcissists shame means they’ll find a way to hurt you in return. Eventually, you’re stuck living in fear/hypervigilance, and that’s no way to live. But when you continuously try your best not to step on their toes, they’ll continuously think of new ways to pull you in and get you to genuinely believe things are better when they’re really just reeling you in to cast you out.
I’m not so sure narcissists actually feel shame. I think it’s more that they’re humiliated and they lose control of the narrative and control. If they felt any sort of shame they wouldn’t do what they do.
Nailed it! No win situations and they’ll invent situations where none exist.
@@stuekere good point. I wonder. I definitely don’t think they feel guilt or reflect on how their behavior affects us. They look to dominate and control and control the narrative.
@@stuekere Interesting take. Maybe Dr. Ramani could discuss. I googled and they could be the same thing in a narcissists eyes.
@@stuekereI agree. It’s not shame. It’s anger that you aren’t upholding their false self and aren’t fully under their control. The research is bearing it out. The lack of empathy means they don’t actually feel shame. What’s activated is rage that you aren’t doing the job they picked you for.
It’s important to remember that narcissists hurt us for their own reasons, not because we did anything wrong. Not because we lack something. They use our good nature against us. It hurts. While we are sincere and good natured, they perform and mislead, and revel in our pain/loss/confusion and striving to be “just right” for them. We wither under their thumb, going from hopeful, self-empowered, with a sense of purpose to hopeless and lost. They don’t care. We have to “get it right” for ourselves, as trying to do so for them steals potential, time, energy, hope…we lose pieces of ourselves along the way.
We want to be who we are in this world, but they’ll see to it that we are not.
💯❤️🩹❤️🔥
Absolutely correct! Well said 💯.
This was the most concise video you’ve done imo. It summed up my entire relationship with a narc and sociopath. It’s been 4 years, and I’ve moved on. It’s just good to get these reminders to not let someone like that in again the same way, and spend months getting to know someone before you truly let them in. Slow and steady. Be well ❤️🙏🏻
It’s so hurtful to discover how conniving and deceitful they can be when your mind just doesn’t go to those kind of places.
When they tell you how honest they are, and appreciate how honest you are, beware! An honest person doesn’t have to tell they’re honest, just as a lion doesn’t have to tell you it’s a lion. They appreciate your openness and honesty only to be able to use it against you. They are anything but honest!
Thank you for all you bring to light.
I know I denied the truth for way too long.
For soul felt uncomfortable.
I refused to see the red flags until I didn’t.
EYES WIDE OPEN 🙏🏻❤️
This is one of the most spot on takes on narcissistic behavior and what victims do to cope that I’ve ever come across. Thank you for this. The part about the narcissist crying in a movie due to wondering what it would feel like if that terrible thing happened to them as opposed to identifying with the sadness of the character is bone-chillingly accurate and demonstrates how heartless and cold they really are. This video needs to be rewatched often because it is a very helpful grounding tool.
I once watched a movie with a narcissist where the hero sacrificed his life for his fiancée in a flashback replay of the accident. I was touched to tears as he said that he didn’t understand it!
My sister was visiting me. She does not drive so I always had to take her places. The scenario was that she pretty much treated me like a chauffer, she never spoke to me, but when we went through say a drive thru or reached our destination, she was all smiles with other people. I finally made the mistake of saying “You know I really would like it if you would treat me like you do the people we encounter.” Well, you guessed it. It resulted in a rage that went on for some time. I just cowarded. When she finished she gave some lame excuse and acted like it was no big deal. I walked on egg shells until she left.
Tell her to get an Uber and go no contact. You don’t deserve that.
Many people should listen to this video who don’t understand narcasism or have to deal with them. This video gives many great examples of what people have to deal with that can be hidden from others.
Omg..I swore I’d give Narc videos a rest for a while as coming up on 3 years no contact I’m feeling alot better and don’t want constant reminders of the painful past. But..Doc Ramini is sometimes so spot on in her title I just had to watch. This one nailed it dead center and actually made me feel even better that I got the hell out of that mess..
Stay strong survivors!
So true. That feeling about when the next time you’ll screw up is ultimately inescapable. The next silent treatment is just a mistake away. It’s a terrible feeling. One that I’m glad I’m over two years removed from now. I knew each time she came back from a silent treatment, the clock reset and it was just a matter of time. Worst off, they’re terrible communicators and even if you try to talk to them about what’s wrong, they’ll never answer you. Granted that could also be because you’re in a silent treatment, but even when they come back you’ll get no explanation, and they’ll expect you to be over it like they are. It’s really not an ideal way to live.
I knew of a couple, where the woman divorced him the minute after their life of taking care of a sadly terminally ill child. He had given her a silent treatment for the last months of their son’s life. After, he passed, he smiled and said’ I am back”. She divorced him. What people go through. Narcissism is about “Dismissing” the person. What a horrible power play. It leads to our dismissal, leaving them.
So Brilliant. As long as we keep assuming they want the same things we do, we’re stuck. It’s such a 180 to train ourselves that they will NEVER want the same things from the relationship.
The look of disgust, even in one fleeting moment, is an absolute sign. If experienced, I would exit faster than my legs could run.
Narcissists see their faults in you. That’s their coping mechanism for their insecurities
This is horribly true … Doctor Ramani is not only intelligent, but I feel that only someone who is deeply intuitive can understand this information to this level, of course maybe having so much personal experience would impact one’s understanding .. either way, many of us are so grateful for her work …