How Scarcity Fuels Trauma Bonding
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I have seen this dynamic where a parent is talking with other adults and is visibly annoyed every time their child approaches them. Your heart just aches for the child.
That’s not a bad thing, children or adults should only interrupt when necessary. I have seen kids interrupt their parents when they are speaking to an adult to say something like, “we are going to the zoo next week”. This type of behavior is unacceptable for adults and children but adults already know and children don’t so that type of behavior should be corrected.
@@YouTubeUzername agree. Kids will play these games with parents if they’re not the center of attention. Not saying it’s always the case but sometimes it just is.
@@YouTubeUzername facts
I have seen it too and it’s such a heartless way to raise a child. That is your child after all and children literally need attention. This is how their self-esteem is built in those early years.
@@YouTubeUzername You are wrong about children though. You’re clearly not a psychologist. This is a heartless way to raise a child. That is your child after all and children literally need attention. This is how their self-esteem is built in those early years. You can be kind to them and teach them to interrupt more rarely but when the parents only talks to other adults and doesn’t care about the child, what then? Those other adults are most of the time just strangers, not their own flesh and blood that needs love, care and attention in those early stages of development.
Its sad because in some instances the scarcity is real…its hard to break out of this mindset but I will keep doing it because I will not be tortured by another human being again.
It’s a shame we learn these things after we’re so damaged. We say, “Never again”, but most of my life is over(58) and it’s too late to live my best life with what I’ve learnt from being so disappointed by people.
As Dr. Ramani has revealed in her videos, it’s NEVER too late. You still have life to live. How do you want to live it? I know, it’s easier said than done; but we are not permanently bound by our experiences.
I’m 60. I am still alive, therefore, it is not too late for me to live, and I want to live. I cannot get my time back from those who robbed me if it, but I can go forward without parasites in my life.
We have less time left but its never too late to enjoy simple things like a good weather, the company of pets, the taste of good food, the excitement of new experiences or hobbies… its never too late to feel fullfilled even if you are alone but with God.
You may have 40+ years yet!
I was at Paneras eating lunch a few years ago. I observed this woman and what I guessed was her ten year old son sitting in a booth. The little boy was so animated and talking, looking so excited to be noticed. The woman sat across from him with a look on her face that said who are you and when are you going to shut up. It broke my heart.
Maybe that wasn’t her son, but a new caregiver/nanny.
“That lack of capacity (as a parent) was in them. It was never a lack of love-ability in you”. This is the belief I need to keep working on. Thank you.
Absolutely true. Fighting for that unavailable and arrogant narcissist is not worth fighting for, even if it’s your parent or siblings.
Oh boy, does this video ring true to me on SOOOOOO MANY LEVELS! From the crappy choice I’ve made in marriage. To understanding how poorly my father parented his children. I have lived on breadcrumbs all my life. And it has taken me into my 50’s to see how I’ve undervalued my own worth. I am now at a place in my life, where I see the patterns. It causes me to question a lot of people’s motivations. It does make it harder to have close relationships, because everyone comes with a red flag these days. But, I can only continue with my own self work to make my own resolve and work forward. Thank you for this video! Wishing everyone else here much peace on their own personal journey! ♥️🙏🏻
Since I decided to divorce, heal and understand my pain, starting to set boundaries I’m more happy and more time in peace. I don’t have any betrayal, less people gaslighting and screaming at me. No more mistake or people jealousy or envy. I understand i need time to heal and understanding to my own process because no one is going to do that for me if I don’t put myself in priority. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏🏼
My siblings love bombing consist of giving and then yanking it back when I refuse to play their manipulative games of you better do as I say or else, every single time.
I have one sister who uses baby talk when she’s hiding what she did and who she is, such a fake person. It’s a huge trigger for me, because when I hear someone do that, I feel that I’m in the presence of a very toxic person and it makes me want to run as fast as I can.
What’s sick is some people will do this intentionally to keep the other wanting.
Haha I remember my first serious crash at 19, a nasty malignant narc, after a love bomb and my deep heartbreak after the first discard he thought the show’s gonna continue but I realized too clear discarding me and my deep feelings like this was not okay so I discarded him, imagine the shock😂he thought im gonna play cat mouse for the rest of my life, as if. For many years I forgot about him completely by God’s grace and that was a good lesson for him😅
I recently wrote that my mother was/is the narcissist in my family of origin, and that’s true–the vulnerable type. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that my dad had precious little time for his girls unless we were interested in his interests–sports, politics, news. But I always blamed Mom for his absence and escapism, cuz man I wanted to be away from her too. I just figured that my situation was an inevitable byproduct of someone who was protecting himself. But man oh man did I ever crave his attention, likely because it was scarce.
Words right out of my mouth, just turned fourty and only a couple years in in conscious healing with family
My father would take us to keg parties and I was so proud as a young kid to be in charge of pouring everyone’s beer out of the keg for them. Everyone was so impressed that this little girl could pour a perfect cup of beer without all the foam and just a touch of a head on it. Geez, watching this, and being married to a narcissist, I’m beginning to look sideways at my childhood, which was full of trauma and abuse, and see how my father was a narcissist as well. I’m almost 60 yrs old and I sure wish I could have learned some of these things earlier in life.
The Truth will set you free, at ANY age.
@@moniquejackson7741 Better late than never. This kind of personality disorder wasn’t something that really was around when I was growing up and raising my kids. Dr. Ramani sure has opened my eyes & made sense of my marriage.
@tiffanylamb1187 it was around when we were kids, we just didn’t know about it. 😔
yes, it sure was around! 😢😢
I’m in the thick of this too at so happy I know … it’s “them” Dr. R made me laugh out loud because when my phone would ring and I would take a deep breath and say oh what is it now! I finally went no contact I never felt so sad and so FREEEEE for the first time in my 50 years !!! I’m not saying I don’t hurt still but I know that this is what I needed to lead a positive and productive life Ty Dr. R.
Excellent observations. And beautifully related .
I didn’t experience this as a child. I received criticism, belittling and a sense that I was not really wanted😢
Stop looking outside yourself
That sucks. I am so sorry that you experienced this.
“Scarcity leads us to crave things” This!!!!
Truth!
And as an adult if you have married couple friends, they can develop such self-importance, such primacy, that they think that spending time with you means doing THEIR things with THEM, like you are a friend of their kid and you’re tagging along for the day.
Brilliant explanations and examples. It’s a powerful thing when we can start to see how we were falling for the breadcrumbs.
I feel this way with a friend. She is kind and supportive, but sometimes takes days to answer me, saying she is busy and prioritizing things. I expressed that it hurts me and makes me feel devalued as I’m not prioritized, and she says she cares but that’s just how she functions. I understand but am tired of waiting for days wondering if/when she will respond. I am busy too but don’t leave friends hanging for days. It makes me feel needy and anxious. You’re right it only takes ten seconds to answer or acknowledge someone. I respect who she is but also know that I deserve better sometimes, so focusing on myself too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I’m also tired of this with my parents and brothers. I feel like I always have to do something helpful or aligned with their interests to be seen, but even then I’m not always acknowledged or valued. So tired of it all. I did this with boyfriends too, compromising my values and likes for theirs. No more. Stepping back from it knowing that I am valuable regardless of their opinion or what I can do for them. Focusing on my life and my interests, not sacrificing who I am for their attention or approval anymore. I’m important too. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
My father used me as his research assistant. I value the skills, however, I realize the use truth now. Thank you for healing. Namaskar