Be CAREFUL when the narcissist goes to THERAPY!
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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When my narcissistic ex went to therapy, he gaslit the first one as bad as he gaslit everyone else in the world. He enlisted the second therapist to create a game plan to leave me. In retrospect, I’m grateful, but at the time, I was pretty offended that I paid someone to coach my spouse to leave me instead of working on his many many issues.
Oh no! When the narcissist goes to therapy, they learn new techniques to weaponize against you. They will start having boundaries that they will put in your face and claim that they “weren’t being malicious” when they did something that hurt you badly.
That’s what my mom does……….. It’s not “negative, derogatory.” Yet there’s no real other way to take it when, where and how it was said.
JESUS! So true. I still regret the day I invited him to join couples therapy… it was the first and last time.
@@thethreadedtarot777 same here
They get better at being Narky.
Oh yes the “my therapist said” is a big weapon. Our therapist told my ex-husband in our joint session “You have a sweet deal” with respect to how little he contributed to the relationship. My husband turned into “No, he told both of us we have a sweet deal”.
I once saw a bumper sticker that said, “I told my therapist about you”. 🤔
If they or you go to an enabling therapist, you become the problem to be fixed. 😮😰😖
My former therapists didn’t understand toxic relationship dynamics at all, so I fired them.
Been there with a family member who is a narc. I suggested therapy after she had a “suicide” attempt. A few weeks in she was already using all of those tricks. Much later I started to connect the dots and realized there was no suicide attempt at all. I should have realized sooner, but I was so used to being gaslighted that I doubted myself even when evidence was right in front of my face.
YESSSS!!!!!! Thank you so much for addressing this problem!!!👍❤❤❤
My narcissistic partner went to a therapy session, thought he was a guru, and then told me I was the narcissist. I tapped out of the relationship after that.
Oh yeah and I’m the parental alienating one after I begged him to take part in his children’s lives…their whole lives. But I’m alienating. I could just crumble into a pile of lava.
Yes, this my sister went into therapy, she came out worse than she went in. Only now knows all the tricks to be a more effective narc..
I have known two people in recent years who made a point to tell me that they were in therapy, and they were on a “path of healing”, and they were aware of their issues and committed to doing better. I didn’t ask them about therapy, by the way, they brought it up on their own. So it all felt very honest and self-aware at the time.
Well, later it became really obvious in both cases that their idea of “healing” is learning to feel better about the ways in which THEY have been hurt or mistreated, while giving absolutely not a single f—- about the ways they hurt or mistreat others. In fact, both would be angry if you tried to address something hurtful they did, no matter how calm you were about it. They’d “reason” that if you were “truly healthy” their ugly behavior wouldn’t have bothered you, so the fact that you had even NOTICED what they did proved you were messed up and they were the victim simply by having to deal with someone as horribly messed up as you.
Yes! Exactly
Oh my God, what contorted thinking.
My ex husband came back from therapy with the ‘7 o’clock rule’. It meant that we couldn’t talk about anything of importance after 7 in the evening. Seeing as my ex often didn’t get home until 6 or 7 o’clock, I was supposed to bottle up everything that was going on between us. Of all the horrible things he did, this was the most significant in ending our marriage.
I have been dealing with this for the last 2 months since I left my husband. Except for him, the line is “my spiritual teacher said”… thank you so much for your videos. It’s very reassuring that I’m not alone in this toxic journey to freedom. ❤
All of a sudden, radical acceptance (and possibly no contact) feels like a much better option than urging a narc family member to go to therapy.
I’ve also seen a emotionally immature man do this, he went to therapy as I suggested but then when we argue say things like ‘I will show my therapist this message exchange’ in a threatening way to prove a point rather than learn together. He would also only tell the therapist the parts that made him look good so naturally the therapist got a very distorted picture and gave advice accordingly.
If a narcissist goes to therapy WITH you, they will gang up on you and manipulate the therapist into ganging up on you, as well. Beware of couples counseling with a narcissist — you feel hopeful and end up on the losing end.
When I went with my husband I had already been abused for years, and my anger showed very close to the surface. He put on a boo hoo self pity bit, cried and had that lady convinced that I was abusing HIM
@lechatchateau6941 – Agree. The lies to the therapist were astounding and right in front of me. Oddly, one of the reasons I had chosen this therapist to help us (begged him to come, one last shot and he knew it) was because I met her as a speaker at a multi-track VICTIMS RIGHTS conference that I had help put on in the 90’s. I knew nothing about NPD or the NPD spectrum at that time and apparently, neither did she. I was truly shocked, confused and heartbroken that she bought his schtick — hook line and sinker. Eventually (after 20 years of marriage), I gave up and filed for divorce. It remains one of the most frightening and courageous things I have ever done in my life. One day he confessed that he had lied to the counselor, I guess his form of being vulnerable? It took me 30 more years to come across Dr. Ramani and have a tremendous mental health awakening for which I will ALWAYS be grateful.
My brother took ONE psychology course at the local college when he was going for sciences. He learned how to be a better narcissist.
Exactly!
Mine got a BS in it. But it was prior to narcissism. He self diagnosed as a ‘alcoholic model family’ minus the alcohol, and cast himself as the hero. I was invisible and scapegoat. he was golden child who occasionally was truthspeaker. He came home a Raging narcissist just like my mother. I never got my brother back. he learned even more lies and fancy ways of hiding things. he was so full of himself and how he had tricked his professors he came home and told me he had ‘raised me himself.’ he didn’t get a job until he was 19. I was waitress at 12. I cooked and cleaned he ran off with his gf. my parents paid money for his college food clothes and dates and gave me nothing. I paid rent to sleep on the living room couch. he had the largest bedroom for free plus student housing from my parents.
also the horrible people at my job literally get pointers at our anti harassment lectures. I think therapy sometimes just teaches them more mean tricks.
@@user-wi9hv2pb2q He already was a narcissist to begin with. You just didn’t see it. It sucks to have a brother like him.
I wish I’d known this several decades ago when my late narc husband went to therapy for “anxiety and depression”. I didn’t know about, let alone understand narcissism back then.
My late narc husband did the whole “my therapist said” gaslighting thing…and I believed him.
Despite my caring for him during the last two years of his life he never stopped viewing me as the enemy. He was incapable of expressing love, gratitude or taking responsibility for his cruelty through the years. It sucked! I’m still working on healing from the damage he caused.
This video is really helpful.
1) I now understand that it’s likely that the therapist did not say all of those derogatory things about me. In addition he did not likely endow on my husband the wonderful wisdom and discerning powers my husband claimed. My husband was gaslighting me.
2) My anger at his therapist has evaporated, The therapist was a victim of my husband’s sob stories and manipulation. I am able to have compassion for the therapist and let that go.
Thank you for this much needed video Dr. Ramani!
It’s impossible to know but you can guess what they are telling therapists and people in general. It’s all constant effort to prop up their false self at any and all cost! I’m glad you’ve found some peace. ❤
I’m sending you a hug for going through this. I had a similar experience. We will heal and thrive. 💐
😂😂😂the part where you said “ let’s talk about the trash cans “ impression had me laughing 😂😂😂
We separated in August. Now he’s on a 3 week intensive therapy retreat. Just yesterday he said the phd’s there are “worlds above” the therapists I’ve been seeing here and that he’s seen a few times. Now he’s armed with lots of new vocabulary and will be transformed soon. I’ll hold my breath!
Also he has been eating up all the attention and supply from everyone being concerned for him and helping him with this retreat. It’s top-notch supply!
Keep strong and away from the narcissist.
So Brilliant. Best evolution of the When the Narcissist Goes to Therapy video so far. In my FB group, one woman was genuinely concerned because her narcissist had told her that he had personally called five therapists who confirmed that there was something wrong with her, and had a list of things they said she “needed” to change. I replied this was a bold faced lie. I had managed mental health practices for a decade, and there was no way any therapist would diagnose someone they had never met over the phone. She was shocked that he was capable of this kind of gaslighting, but was so grateful for the clarity. They will do and say anything!
Great video Dr. My husband went to AA and came home telling me how messed up I was . this went on for years so beware to anyone when they go into self help groups then they become gurus that know it all
Thanks Dr. Ramani for the great topic. This hits home. My ex and I went to marriage counseling before divorce. She continued on with “therapy” after we split. She calls me a year later to tell me that her therapist thinks I have Schizo affective disorder, and despite divorce, she is still concerned about my welfare and hopes I will seek help. I learned the condition exhibits delusions of reality and inability to complete tasks. I realized immediately what was happening in therapy.