Are you HOARDING toxic people?
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
this came out at the right time
Yes, this is good timing, she is often on point and on time, thank you Doctor Ramani.
They keep people stuck in the relationship. With no possible outcome except doom.
its sheer torture
The best (sarcasm) are business owners that keep their employees dependent 😢
Recognize the limitations I have with these people. Spot on! I am alone a lot. And I pretty much have let go of everything including them jeans. Ty Dr Ramani
I had no idea about narcissism until about two years ago. Turns out I had gone no contact (didn’t know that was a thing). Also turns out my mother, younger sister, and ex-husband are all covert narcissists. And I had lived my entire life with gaslighting, devaluation, and wondering what is wrong with me. Thank goodness I found real doctors like Dr. Ramani. Healing can happen.
I feel this in my bones.
Me too
Me too
yes, totally same my situation as you describe… thanks to good people, ‘doctors’ never helped, no one, greetings from Belgium (very harsh-hard)
I went no contact with my ‘best friend’ out of instinct very suddenly. Now I know why I chose him as a friend and kept coming back around after godawful treatment.
I’ll be 80 years old in December and I have stopped doing all the work of maintaining friendships with people who don’t take their turn to be in touch with me.
This is a great topic for me today because I have been working on this! Downsizing to 20% of my previous home and getting the list of friends downsized as well. I am going to add that I do fit into those jeans 👖 again. 😊💕Thank you so very much 🎉
When I was in school I used to examine our photo albums, trying to remember.
Even photos of our bedrooms where everything in it’s place.
I played outside.
It was a big deal to me that my children had their things, had their likes, organized their own things.
I feel like it should have been somewhere more in the middle.
AND, I should have made more space for me and my belongings and interests.
I’ve gone through and gotten rid of so much but I have boxes of trinkets of memories that should have been seen, talked about, remembered, and displayed.
Memories of those special moments and happenings is what we leave behind. If you stuff them away they will be forgotten and you let others paint your canvas!
Omg. Dr. Ramani, you are soooo on top of this! I’ve followed you for years. But you totally called it today as well. I have been driving around with “car load of stuff” for the thrift, for two weeks now. I keep chickening out. (What if no one wants it and it just goes to the landfill, etc). But it’s just stuff. … Today is the day.
The things that have sentimental value, are the hardest things to throw out.
I swear I dont have Schizotypal PD but these videos are popping up right when they are at their most relevant to my life.
I lingered in toxic friendships although I realized something was wrong with them. But after I started the healing process, I got rid of them. ✂✂✂ Now I enjoy solitude. ❤😊❤
Same. Couldn’t have said it better
“Pay attention to how you feel.” … is very crucial … thank you for assuring this, Doctor Ramani. A mild example was when I was at my mid 20s, I keep on feeling the bitter after taste similar to the after taste if one has eaten artificial candy or fake sugar, I literally feel this bitter taste on my tongue, but due to what I was born into I of course self doubt and self shame “I’m too sensitive, I’m too difficult.” … turns out those girls and “friends” are extremely cruel and toxic … To now, it takes me more than 15 years of education in souls, psychology, and human behaviors for me to slowly learn and rewiring my brain and my emotions to self trust to seriously listen to my body and my instinct. The body and the instinct is the most honest and loving, so truly respect and seriously listen to this.
“Breaking out of the cycle of people and things.” YES. Thank you once again, Dr. Ramani, for articulating our thoughts so beautifully. Your support means the world and we truly appreciate you.
This hit me hard. I don’t hoard things but I hoard some toxic people in my life even though I’ve gone no-contact with many. Your video totally makes sense. Now I know why I’m unable to heal. It’s because of these few toxic people I’ve hoarded and scared of getting rid of them. Because I don’t want to be left alone.
Exactly this. ❤
All that “space” can be extremely lonely; I cannot emphasize enough the importance of sticking with the belief that there’s something better… because eventually, it feels free and peaceful. The last few years as I have grown and healed, I’ve made so much space in my shittie relationships. I have room for new soul friends, but it still takes time. it’s taken so much courage to “not belong” especially when you still have to interact with those toxic people to a degree. It’s hard to be authentic when you know some people you once relied on for social support will not approve, even dislike you. I can really relate to the wondering if I’m the difficult one (which was one of the first gaslights I remember as a little child). Now, I have only a handful of people who really know me and I enjoy them so much. I’m all about the smile and wave with everyone else. And I’ve sort of come to enjoy the fact they don’t like me so much, because I don’t want to share their values. And it was like living in toxic waste when I tried to. I like myself so much more now.
This really spoke to me. Recently, I realized that I had this collection of unhealthy people in my life. I felt outnumbered whenever I gave an opinion or stated my needs and boundaries. It had gotten to the point where I began thinking that they must be right and I was wrong- if they all disagreed with me. But inside, I didn’t agree with them. So starts the emotional tug of war. So thanks for sharing this with us.
when you talked about thinking about “why” we let these people in, “why” we gave them a chance… it shook me. It also reminded me of a little video game created for (young) people to create awareness about abusive relationship : Sea of Roses. There was this moment when the player meet a “ghost” of a man who was victim of an awful partner and feels ashame of not seeing from the start how awful they were. One of the character stops him and says something like “How could you be wronged. You believed someone you loved.”
And that’s it. I let them in and kept them because I was starving for love. So much, so long, since always. I wanted this thing that looked like love because it was so much better than what I had in the past. And to get out, to get rid of it, I also needed to face an awful truth : they didn’t love me. It wasn’t love. I was never loved in the end. I kept and idea but no reality.
Now I’m better, don’t worry.
❤❤
Love the idea of not devoting precious closet, cognitive, or soul space to unhealthy unsafe toxic people. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤ Being more discerning and aware of what/who I attach meaning too, radically accepting who they are/aren’t, letting go of unrealistic expectations, and focusing on how I feel to prioritize my well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
If you’re raised by a narcissist, then being around other narcissists feels “normal.” Healthy non-toxic people feel “boring.” Until healing starts, you’ll keep looking for the dopamine hit that accompanies the drama. I didn’t know what narcissism was until about 2 years ago, after starting my healing journey in 2008. I’m so grateful for Dr. Ramani and all of the other healers along the way.
Truth, you sympathize and connected with toxic and cruel people as “friends” because they are familiar.
At some point in our healing process, we may realize that because of our poor boundaries, our tendency to be people pleasers, the way we get validation (from outside sources), our compassion, and our super empathy, we’ve attracted not only Narcs but all kinds of toxic people and “users” (friends and foes). There can be no healing without removing ourselves from whatever causes us stress and takes time away from us. We must fight against our kind and helpful nature, and to learn to stop ourselves from helping, rescuing, etc. The wrong people will keep taking advantage of our nature over and over. When boundaries don’t work, no contact may be the only way… As Dr. Ramani says, the less clutters our mind, the better we take care of ourselves. Clean-cut time! ❤