Grey Rock Vs Yellow Rock
You probably have heard of the Gray Rock Method, but if you are living with your narcissist, this method isn't easy. The more realistic method in your situation is the Yellow Rock method. In this video, I explain the differences between the two and how they can be used to interact with your narcissist depending on the situation.
There's nothing harder than divorcing a narcissist, especially a covert or malignant narcissist. You can expect flying monkeys, gaslighting, parental alienation, stonewalling and every other type of narcissistic abuse. I can help you get through it all!
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Absolutely. Also makes the “victim” of abuse feel more human….you know, like you USED to feel prior to your relationship with the narc.
Exactly!
Excellent! I used “yellow rock “just the other day, without realizing I did it. LOL! After a brief exchange I simply said, “Have a nice day. bye” _(Only to keep peace, with a narcissistic neighbor).
.I was second guessing myself, that I could be misunderstood by this person, after I used “Yellow rock”. (I hadn’t heard the term “yellow Rock” before). Thank you. This was a validating video for me! lol Glad I found your channel. 🙂
Thanks for your kind comment! I hope you’ll keep watching 🙂
Victoria, yes – 100%. To keep the peace I’ve been “Stepford-wifing” it off and on for 20+ years now. And – yup – Yellow-rocking is helping me survive the divorce process as we live under the same roof for over ten months. I am barely keeping it together. 😬. Yellow rock is the only way. It is surreal – and he would be completely content to live this shallow fake way forever. Sad.
So glad you’ve figured out how to survive! Let me know if I can help 🙂
Wow. I could have wrote the same comment. Been yellow rocking it from my own sanity and health…long before I knew what it was. Just started mediation and we live together. Ugh
@@janw952 Hi Jan, Well – I am officially ten days away from moving and he is loosing it. It is hard – but I refuse to take his mean and toxic bait and guilt tripping – then in the next breath crying and apologizing and then blaming and spiraling again through his his victim stories. It is exhausting – but I am staying strong and calm and time is moving and so am I. You’ve got to stay strong and laser focused on what you want and what is in YOUR control – and get a dear friend to keep connected to for moral and mental support. Keep it close to the chest. Not that you’re asking for advise. This has worked for me over the years and months of insanity. 💗💗💗💗💗We’ve got this!💗💗💗
@@yellowbird2157 Yellow Bird hang in there! Sending you support woman to woman. Since I had dealt with a narcissist growing up, I knew I did not want to EVER have to deal with one again.
I hope life catches you in a kind place and that your future days get better and better!😊
@@ggbouvier9897 Hi GG! I am happy to report that I am now officially divorced and moved and healing one day at a time. I am so grateful for every day now. 💖🤗💖
You are doing a great job! Thank you 🙏
That is so sweet! Thank you 🙂
I would definitely like to talk about what you think I should do in this my situation. Going throu a separation, with the mother of my year and a half year old. I am a very devoted father. I am overly agreeable, deeply empathetic, and have a history of week boundaries. I am working on those things now. Setting up a parenting agreement that is fair and balanced has felt impossible.
Happy to help! Can you schedule a session with me? There’s a link in the description.
I found that yellow rock caused my ex to have delusions he could still pursue me romantically so I switched to grey rock and talk like an automated machine now via our court ordered communication platform, Our Family Wizard.
Brilliant! So happy you were able to reclaim your power!
Thanks, ma’am. Been doing this for years, had no idea it had a name or was a known strategy to deal with the abusive narcs who are obsessed with you, hate you, but insist on staying in your life, which is just their way of continuing to abuse you.
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Thanks for your comment and for subscribing!!!
I suffer from my narcissistic mother
I will try it with her, thank you❤️
I had this person who I thought was my support when my partner was in hospital. But I noticed she was weaponising me with her words and mocking my situation as the patient was not cooperating
I tried doing yellow Rock and it was so disgusting….For me atleast.
I am not married, and not living with a narc. I am probably not the average viewer on this channel. But I think this method may actually be helpful to me as well. So I just wanted to say thank you. 🙂
I think I have been gray rocking since I was about 8 years old. I met a lot of cruelty. I don’t know if they had the diagnosis ‘narcissism’, but their actions and treatment of me was dead-on with the methods narcissists use. The gray rock method have been helpful in keeping the ‘bad people’ manageable. But the problem is, I have started to do it with everyone.
Whenever I meet someone new (not in dating, just generally), I automatically see what they will be most repulsed by/look down on the most, and I behave that way. Even if it is very far from who I really am, I will convince them that is who I am. This way, they judge me very harshly, and help reinforce the message that I am worthless. Which is obviously somewhat destructive to my self-esteem.
I am at a place where I need to start letting people in, or I will die alone. But maybe, trying to channel the yellow rock, could be a good transition to genuinely open up to the people that are trustworthy. Because the focus is more on portraying yourself positively, than appearing uninteresting to make people loose interest/judge you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I hope this method will help. Sending hugs 🙂
I feel like the grey rock method is exactly what you are describing the yellow rock method to be. In my opinion, the point of grey rocking is to be entirely boring. Nothing too good or too bad happening in your life. You implement this gradually. But it’s not being “stonewalling.” If you are stonewalling, giving one word responses etc that is certainly going to alert the abuser that something is wrong and you are actively trying to trigger them (in their opinion)…this is supply to them. The true grey rock method has some peppered niceties because it is by definition sub-perceptual…in other words, the abuser slowly and overtime arrives at their own conclusion that you have become a boring person.
I’ve uIsed “yellow rock” for years on people I see infrequently esp relatives during the holidays and of course the first husband. I’m friendly but do not linger and do not encourage conversation. It’s a modified version of the silent treatiment. Some people may think I’m dull and boring but that’s ok with me. It’s much more diff when one sees a person frequently such as co workers.
This can work, The Yellow Rock Method, with relatives other than a spouse, such as a narc mother, or a narc sibling, etc., I have a narc grown daughter, who was doing drugs and now has mental health issues. Didn’t realized that I had already been practicing ‘The Yellow Rock Method’ with my grown daughter.
My husband and I don’t want to totally cut her out of our lives but until she gets her act together, we need to keep our distance, support her without enabling her, but not get caught up in her ‘drama’. Last Christmas, my husband and I invited her to a restaurant for Christmas during the holidays, rather than have her over for dinner on Christmas Day with the rest of the family. We never talked to her about our Christmas Day family dinner and she never asked, as she only focuses on herself. She was delighted that we paid for her meal at a nice restaurant and as it was in public, it was a very ‘pleasant’ dinner. It was worth the price of her dinner to prevent her ‘drama’ ruining Christmas for the rest of our family.
This is brilliant. Thanks for sharing
How would you use the yellow rock with a parent effectively?
This method worked well for me with a coworker. I had to imagine my audience was the jury of my peers. I’m never changing the narristist. However, I’m not actually interacting with the narristist. I am interacting with the jury of my peers.
Great strategy! Thanks for sharing it here.
Cool.
Grey rock is best but def in a workplace setting esp where a narc in authority I have gone grey rock then switched it up to being nice without engagement ! I see that makes sense as a yellow rock technique! There just isnt enough said on workplace narc bosses etc def anyone out there plan exit strategy, deploy yellow rock and go off living your best life ❤🎉🏃🏽♀️
So glad we are not married and don’t live in the same house. I’m done!
Niceties in my experience never, work. Weaponised!