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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I find some narcissists in this comments section who insult and demean in their replies to other commenters.
Yes, they come frequently to leave entitled comments… Most of the time they are ignored. Some other times they are bullied back a bit 🤭
Yes, the narcs love to come to channels such as this and make their ridiculous comments! I have seen it here, and other other narc abuse recovery channels. Most of the time I ignore them, but once in a while I can’t help myself, and I respond back! I usually regret it, though.
Sure. My ex narc does this… as she’s been doing a dirty long smear campaing trying to destroy me, many crimes, so she kept coming all groups on narc learning working to keep her facade and crimes hiden and twisted… and as she spread edited intimacy pics to many people and social media calling me as a predator or such, I decided to do something other than just to stay away/no contact, and only since then, after I started to show also picts of her (in the lovebombing phase) she (and/or her flying monķeys) became less encouraged …!
People who do this … I just don’t see how they have so much time on their hands! Don’t they have anything better to do than put down people who they don’t know and don’t care about? Guess not.
Healing from narcissistic abuse does feel like swimming upstream in a river of societal shame. But what’s worth it is freedom you find after the journey.
Exactly. I’ve recently come to a new understanding that has enabled me to give other people the space they need, understanding they need, and in return it gives me the understanding I’ve always needed.
@@emilyf.5 I’m in my late 30s and stopped chasing people years ago. To me, it’s not worth the insanity. If you’re not interested in me, why should I be interested in you?” Is the way I look at it. I’ve tried to reach out to other people in my family system, and they all have the same attitude towards. the abuse that the people who actually raised me have and have had in the past.
My narcissistic abuse by my ex husband was outright mocked by the woman who calls herself my “best friend” because she has been the victim of domestic violence and believes I am co-opting her story for attention and “coolness points.” (Direct quote on that last one.) I just stopped telling her stuff.
That person would no longer be my friend, or have any place in my life!
So, only she can be the victim, or victimized? Maybe she needs all the attention and all the empathy? I would walk slowly towards the door and then run. This is not a friend.
@@Sweetpea-2023 oh she loves playing the victim. Actually it’s her treatment of me that led me to this channel/community because she is a narcissist herself. I am trying to work through my issues from my marriage as well as a 22-year complex female friendship.
@@christinelamb1167 I would love to be able to send her packing. She is a narcissist herself, and I have given her slack for 22 years because her abusive upbringing has left her with C-PTSD and addiction issues, and I admit I pity her. Also, she can do some damage to my life so I have some fears about leaving the friendship.
@@lindamcmanus3057🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I add to the chorus below. Thank you, thank you. Been there, done that. People want you to share when 1) it is totally superficial and 2) when it is easily “fixable”. Something I have noticed as a survivor of sexual abuse. As soon as you mention it, you can feel the person emotionally step back.
My experience, exactly! This is why I don’t share anything other than superficial, with anyone. No one gets it, and no one has the capacity to hear and understand.
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani! You are a god send to this horrible world filled with cruel narcissistic people🙏 I hope one day you win a nobel prize. I’ll be cheering for you.👏👏👏👏😀😀😀😀. I wish you could be my in person therapist. I am also a survivor here.😔
Totally 100% agree 🙏
Yup. I was encouraged to leave my abusive ex not when I described how I was treated but instead it was when he went down the Rogan rabbit hole and bought ivermectin.
My coworkers who came to my office to complain about our narc boss and the hostile work environment and our union who only focused on the professional staff instead of also us support staff wanted nothing to do with me when I had no choice but report forgeries that weren’t being addressed in house. I also filed a complaint about my union to the labor relations board. During my unfortunately ultimately useless fight, even friends who weren’t from my work avoided me because it made them uncomfortable to hear about what was going on with me.
With everything I lost, I don’t regret the people who showed their true colors during this time no longer being in my life. I finally went no contact with several family members whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life. My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I’m okay with that. I’ve been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself.
“whose breadcrumbs I had made meals out of my whole life”. Wow, that hit my heart like a thunderbolt. With that one phrase, you illuminated and encapsulated relationships that I’ve needed to end!
No more breadcrumbs masquerading as banquets for me!
Thank you.
LOVE this: “My world is incredibly small now, basically just me and I’m okay with that. I’ve been clay for others to mold as they wish my whole life so this is a great opportunity to really get to know myself and what I actually like and think- especially about myself.” 👏👏 Yay! In retrospect, I woke up to myself when my social circle shrank and I never connected the two before. Knowing and liking myself for the first time in my life is 100% worth my lost ILLUSIONS about those people. And now I have the discernment, self-love, and comfort enforcing boundaries to risk letting GOOD people in. That’s a win-win, not the tragedy I sometimes feel about losing so many people. *THANK YOU for this helpful reframe!* 😃❤
@@apricotcookie4850 Yes! We must learn to set our own table
@@bellaluce7088 Thank you for letting me know how good the otherside after getting to know myself can look!
True after all I have been through it has made me to get gaslight from doctors which is happening a lot today
Yes. It’s tough enough for someone traumatized to seek out and ask for help.
It’s even worse, when they are met with either disinterested concern and zero assistance or made to feel they are being unreasonable or overly emotional.
I find that as I get older and have learned more about narcissism, I have gotten less willing to tell myself that someone in my life is a narcissist, but much more willing to simply conclude they are bad for me, for whatever reason. And because I have dealt with a number of clear narcissists, I now know what to do.
I cut them out of my life, whether they are narcissists or not. And when a friend tells me about someone they are dealing with who seems like a narcissist, I tell them that I think that person is a narcissist. And if someone rolls their eyes at me for doing this, I write them off as an enabler.
As a teenager in a depressive episode, the woman who raised me said, “You can choose to be happy or depressed; it’s all in your head.” I wanted to tell her, “Walk in my shoes for an hour, then say that,” but anything I said was considered’talking back’ so I stayed silent.
🫂
Your real father and mother is God, not this woman. U r z child of God. Pray for God to bless her and set u free. Soon u ll be free studying in college away from her. I v been there. I m 50 and peaceful now since 17yo when i left Mt family to study
🫂 🌹
Yes, It’s often the people doing the abuse or uninterested in our mental health, that throws those kinds of harmful advice at us.
They’re often the cause of the depression and not the remedy.
I’m sorry you had to live with that. 😔💔 That woman was clueless. I hope you’re having a good, healthy life, because you deserve it! 💜🤗
My cousins never understood the amount of trauma I have been through. It hurts because my reality keeps being denied even when he was inflicted more pain again. I had to pull away from the whole thing but it made me sad because I didn’t just lose a father, I lost a whole extended family. With my mother & both sets grandparents passed away, there’s no tie to them anymore. It has its freedom but it’s also very lonely. Narcissistic abuse wreaks lives.
I lost my extended family too. It was either a family full of narcissists and flying monkeys or living my life alone. And I chose my life, I feel soo sane.
My brain always tells me not to read the comments, but I feel compelled to. Bullies are rampant online, and people will disagree with you and say the most unhinged things just to get a reaction. Sometimes, I fall into the trap because of my moral values. Statistics show most abuse and unalivings is familial or someone we are dating or married to. My doom scrolling is true crime. 😢
So true. 😔 Those who are dismissive of narc survivors and our trauma are *the worst.* I have, before, found myself feeling like I needed to _explain_ myself and _prove_ the validity of my feelings, and the situation; throwing me right back into the same dark hole that the narc previously put me in. It’s an awful, awful feeling.
Yes, to be invalidated can feel even worse than not sharing at all! 😒
No one deserves that. And I can relate. I used to explain my whole life away and I drastically cut back on that.
Yes I have had the same experience although I have been fortunate enough to have a few close relatives who were able to confirm my experience when I finally started talking about it nearly forty years later. Gotta love the idiots who say things like “but it’s your mother”🤮🤢
It’s certainly a lesson into not letting what other people think affect us, i.e. not getting our validation from the outside. Sometimes, I think it’s the purpose of the whole “lesson”…
Thanks for your comment. My golden child/covert narc sister ( she is a doctor) has reached out to me as she found out I had a surgery…a legit way for her to cross the boundary I have set for her…phew…I get really triggered…and know what you mean…
This is exactly why survivors need to write and tell their stories ❤ How freaking dare this jerk say its navel gazing self absorption. It took me 2 yeats after i was in the right mental space to even feel like i had the right to speak about my life and of course i could never do that directly. And yet they’d be like oh my God that is so horrible if it was the narc telling their bs. Eff this crap.
“In the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost, who says what you had, you know what you lost” – Dreams, Fleetwood Mac, The Dance
❤❤❤❤❤
Great quote. Not to mention, writing is great therapy. When well done, it can also help others…
Thank you!
Thank you. It’s so rare to find someone who truly understands. Luckily I’ve found a few people who at least believe me
I do feel like a fool for not being able to put together the pieces of the narcissistic abuse I was going through until I was in way too deep.
@@tonymartos2922 You’re not a fool. But I felt that way too, until I realized I trusted, believed, gave the benefit of the doubt etc, because that’s a reflection of who I am. It’s easy to trick someone who doesn’t know a game is being played. Now that you know act accordingly. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. Give yourself the same grace, compassion and kindness you showed them. You are not foolish, you’re probably a good person who couldn’t comprehend that someone who said they loved you could be so devious and malicious. At least that was my story. Forgive yourself.
“Some people aren”t worthy of seeing the whole you. And that, is their loss.” I loved this final statement. 💜
It’s the weaponization of the people closest To you in your inner circle that is so particularly Devastating ! And incredibly Traumatizing .
Dr. Ramani, your insights, compassion, and transparency are life-altering. Thank you so much for your work.
You are making a difference for so many of us.
Thank you. ❤ I’ve come to the conclusion that most people don’t deserve to know the whole me.
“No one cares” is a motto I adopted in childhood wrt talking about my experience. I’m 42 and it continues to hold true.
No one cares until it happens to them