A COMMON misconception about what THERAPISTS think of NO CONTACT
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My no contact was I will not communicate unless in writing. That way he couldn’t say I didn’t say that.
I did the same, only contact through text messages so mom and dad couldn’t yell at me. They then started writing i CAPS when they got mad. 😂😂😂😂🤷♀️
Only email or texting.
@@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl Only email and texting. short answers and no informatiom.
I’m amazed how gullible the therapists we went to. They bought her story hook, line and sinker.
Mines too!! It was ridiculous.
They just want the big paycheck.
Hell, half of them are narcissist like anyway.
Especially if medication & FAA health insurance in 1978… A lifetime of abuse set in motion at age 17. No escape even after graduating college at 22 buying a home at 26 as my own realtor. Waiting until I could be full time at home with my children in 30s. Isolated & harassment without home or Family age 45 to 63! Just because I hired lawyer & said he is not safe age 41 in 2002. Movie 🎥 ENOUGH
Ugh sorry to hear. This is the fear for some to get actual helpful therapy, from a few exceptional professional therapists under insurance coverage. Curious, did you yourself leave with helpful info to improve your outlook on your healing…. besides the negative exprience of unsatisfactory therapists? Thank you. ❤
@@jrs2024 No, I left being told I was the problem. They told me I was angry but I was really frustrated and confused. Dr. Ramani really helped. I’m not perfect but I was the one who wanted to fix our marriage.
My father’s three children (myself included), all decided at different times to drop contact. Each of us has ten to twenty years of freedom. None of us has any regrets.
I am 100% no contact with every last ‘family’ member, and I absolutely LOVE the freedom. I do not need any manipulative tool they have to bring me back (bullying, shaming, deny inheritance, etc…). I am self-made, and I do not need their money or trinkets. No contact works. I know for a fact I’ve spared myself from nonstop abuse by being no contact from them.
100%
Me too. Just the thought of going back into that dysfunctional system makes me cringe.
Same here. I dealt with the grief and uncertainty for a long time but now feel more free than ever from their manipulative tactics. I realized I was the family scapeGoat and why would I ever want to go back?💡
Except if the breadwinner “normal” parent dies first, that leaves the money in the hands of the manipulative and cruel parent and her enablers. Cutting you out of your inheritance isn’t just cruel, it’s like disinheriting you from the other parent as well.
@@kimhaas7586 I don’t need or want it. All money ain’t good money. There’s a certain satisfaction and pride in achieving on my own that only I can grant myself and nobody can take from me. I own my car and my house. I have a wonderful life and career. I have everything I need or want. I’ve lived and travelled abroad already and can do it again if I want to. There’s nothing that a narc can give to me that I don’t already have or would much prefer giving to myself. A ‘normal’ parent should create a trust and will for their children anyway, if they are truly normal and self-aware of who they’ve married/ had kids with.
You have absolutely hit it out of the park. I have been estranged from my entire family since 2012. It took me 20 years to make the decision. But my life has been exceptionally better since doing that. You are absolutely correct it is not an easy decision to make and the sadness that comes after you make the decision is very hard to handle. But after the sadness goes away the reality hits you that you did the right thing. I could not spend one more moment with anyone in my family any longer. It has for me been an amazing freeing experience but I definitely would not recommend it to everyone.
Dr. Ramani sure did hit it out of the park.
I went no contact with both my sisters, the younger one lives across the street from my mother and the oldest sister moved in with my mother with her three spoiled kids. I was hoping that my mother will see what they’re doing and stop enabling them. Doesn’t work, she tells me that’s how they are and to accept it. I miss my mother, it’s been over a year since I seen her. Her birthday is this Sunday, I want to go see her and I dread running into my sisters when I go to her house. I hope my pride doesn’t stop me.
Tell your mother that flying monkeys are agents of evil.
I feel same way I miss my father but the dread of seeing siblings and dads partner has just stopped me. I feel disappointed this has stopped me from reaching him but he doesn’t reach out either. Actually his partner contacted me on his birthday!
Make a time to see your mom without sisters. A small trip. Togerther time with a person you love and respect.
Have you tried spending time with her AWAY from your siblings?
Just call your mom.
Going no contact was not just my decision. It was also multiple medical professionals whom my narcissistic siblings kept contacting because they wanted a diagnosis which was impossible to make. I’m getting past the grief and finally able to breathe. Narcissistic siblings are dangerous
Narcissisters are an actual existential threat. As in could literally end your life
Yes, they sure are
For sure…coz we grow up together..they know us more than the parent ..we share with them more too..and hence making them more dangerous
Yes they are dangerous. I have one sociopathic narcissist sister and the other one or sister is a mid to mid range type B narcissist. I now have peace by going no contact. My husband and daughter have peace also because not only was I attacked and abused but my sisters started in on them saying my family was controlling me. Huh. It’s my sisters who want to control me and my family
Am I estranged from someone? Yes. Was it an easy choice? It certainly was after I fully realized all the moving pieces that the BS was tangled in. I went for years holding onto hope, and that was the hardest part, the holding on.
Before i was born, the family narc was cut off by not only both of their children, but also a number of friends and a sibling. Then my mother died while i was young, and her death made everyone take the narc back. Then her husband divorced her, and i cut her off.
Nothing more damning to “you’re just being immature” than needing two hands to count the people who cut them off besides you.
A death in the family put the narcissist in my life again. And again, I’m in no contact and will remain here.
My narcissistic mom helped me go no contact with my dad’s nutcase family as a child. Both sides of my family are extremely disordered so I’ve always been the anomaly with them. Mom thought she was hurting them in keeping them away from me, but it only helped me see her clearer. I knew to put distance between me and mom, but it’s taken decades to add the rest of the busy body family members.
It’s not easy as I do love these people and want better for them, but they see me as something to devour and I cannot allow that.
I’ve been in a similar situation. Both sides of my family have issues but in my case it was most of my father’s side of the family against my mother. They never wanted my father to marry her in the first place because she was a victim of kidnapping in their country of origin so it was always assumed she was “defiled” and not good enough to have my father’s family name.
I think a lot of the trauma she endured during that ordeal (the perp never saw justice because he was wealthy and well-connected) contributed to the character flaws of my mom that our immediate family had to deal with for decades.
It was just a horrible thing to witness as a child growing up within this drama and feeling pulled from one side to the other and back again.
The saddest part of all of this: it all boils down to pride (more specifically hubris) and money. Pride and money. That’s all.
Personally I would like more important qualities with which to define myself as an individual.
Bad therapists are based on fantasy. Our goal is not to reconcile relationships with toxic people but to heal ourselves.
Accepting the title and responsibility of P.O.A., Estate executor or Trustee of an aging or a deceased parent will reveal
sibling narcissism on a scale you hadn’t considered. Crisis truly reveals their character, contempt and need for control.
💯
Going no contact has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life. Unless outsiders have been in the shoes of someone who is no contact, I don’t think they can grasp it. They will make judgments and share opinions based on how they think it is or how it would be if they were in our shoes. None of it would come from a place of experience. I don’t take advice from people like that.
Facts they will never understand it unless they too have lived it
Facts 💯 they don’t know how to step into someone elses shoes because they don’t actually listen to us and they don’t have empathy for others. Those two traits are red flags for me to keep said people at arms length! They will never get it & I won’t be invalidated, made to feel bad or defend a decision I know to be correct!
It is often difficult for people who grew up in healthy families to understand the need or desire to go no contact. While I find this to be frustrating and disheartening, I can’t fully blame them for “not getting it.” NOTHING about this kind of dysfunction is normal or okay. It took me years to unravel what was wrong—how can I expect someone who has never even had to consider cutting off family members to fully understand or appreciate what I’m going through/been through? All I ask is that they respect my choice.
I went no contact with a narcissistic father and narcissistic sibling. The BEST decision I have made! And, now I hear through the grapevine that the sibling’s spouse has finally woken up and has left them due to their narcissism. Good luck to my in-law. They will need it as my sibling will try to destroy them for leaving them.
It is incredibly painful. When my father was dying I traveled home to see him. His impending death changed nothing. I remember getting in the car, looking back at him in the doorway and saying to myself “I will never see him again because I will not put myself through this again.” Two weeks before my mother passed unexpectedly she reamed me out for the last time on the phone. I had my number changed. Both of these decisions were way before I knew about narcissists, I just reached the end of my rope and I thought nobody deserves this kind of abuse.
This is why I didn’t go see my narc mother before she died. My narc sister would have made it all about her, so I saved myself that final confrontation, even when people said I would “regret it.” I haven’t regretted it one day.
Beautifully said and I thank you.Raw is the word, the perfect word to use for the pain of it all. The crazy pain of kicking the family to the curb. It is indeed raw. These people refuse to learn anything. It’s the worst ever. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for being an angel for all that need guidance along this awful painful journey of healing our own miserable selves out of all of it. Whew! It’s the worst pain, but I’m sticking to it for good because enough is enough. ❤
My mom lied to me my whole life by saying we were “so poor” growing up, but really she just stole from everyone in the family, including young children, to gamble and leave for days. We actually wouldn’t have been poor if they took care of us. It was just neglect.
After going no contact, they kept showing up to my old apartment, and called the police when I didn’t answer. So I moved and didn’t tell anyone where I lived. My life took a complete 180 and it looks nothing like my childhood.
Going no contact with your toxic family is incredibly heartbreaking and it takes years of grieving but it is the only way to heal relatively quickly. I get unpleasant physical reactions even at the thought of my narcissistic siblings and other family members.