Narcissists use the silent treatment indoctrinate you!
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Merry Christmas,🎄
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Thank you.
@@spyder5280 Merry Christmas 🎄
Yes! It’s so cruel!! It’s so lonely 😢
A good trick here is replacing that word “lonely” with “peaceful.”
It is absolutely cruel yes and so painful
It’s worse than being alone really; If you’re alone, you can feel lonely but not have that person around physically to taunt or trigger you with their presence.
It feels twice as bad, seeing the tormentor while you are being to feel lonely and disconnected.😢
@sparklecanada0112 no contact
Don’t see it as lonely. Look at it as a perfect exit ramp from the relationship. They made it easy for you. It’s also not a loss because you can’t lose what you don’t have.
I remember the very first silent treatment-I dared to say something, just trying to make him feel better, about not “wallowing in his problems” and to be grateful for what he had-a good job, a beautiful home, etc. He got this really ANGRY look on his face , & wouldn’t speak for a LONG time. I just turned & watched TV, & wondered what the hell was going on. Finally after a long time , he said, “you know what you said a little while ago? About moving on & all that? Well, I don’t want to EVER hear that again.” WOW. 😮😮😮That should have been a clue into a future of silent treatments & rage towards me over stuff he REFUSED to stop playing the victim over. But I didn’t know what a malignant narcissist WAS then; the minute my brain registered “verbally abusive” is when I should have walked & not looked back, like his first 2 wives.
@ I didn’t actually say the word “wallowing”, but was hinting at it. It was a really kind , “count the things to be grateful for” type of talk. But instead of just shutting it down, or agreeing to disagree, it ANGERED him, was my point. At the time I was young & didn’t know that I was with someone that was not only verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive, but someone that had the emotional maturity of a 6 year old boy. It was the start of a really awful relationship that lasted 18 years, until he died.
Also telling you what to say and do is never okay.
@@ktbiwk like she was telling him to stop feeling down?
25 years into this sham of a marriage to a covert narcissist parasite of a man in my life. His silent treatment used to work in the beginning. Now I enjoy the silence. He hates how it doesn’t affect me anymore. He drinks and then concocts other ways to try to get under my skin– which also are ineffective because I know every move and gameplay he’s going to make. 😈 .
Same here! 22 years of marriage & currently we’re on about 10 months of silent treatment. I’m enjoying every moment of silence now. And yes, he’s also trying to do other things to get a reaction out of me. Like ruining my hand towels that my best friend gave me for my birthday. He used them to clean up grease & who knows what else.
@@dawn7733 same with me; I got to the point where I loved the 3 day silent treatments, because at least then he’d leave me the hell alone for a bit. It’s so awful when it gets to that point.
He tries. Sleep is best when he isn’t here. I set my alarm for him and sleep accordingly. He will wake me doing weird stuff.
He told me I woke him, because I stirred. But he said you were ‘disturbed’. I said you just ‘pinged me’ referring to a great video I came across by Jerry Wise.
He looked at me and he dropped it, end of conversation!
Thank you for posting this reply. Silent treatment is what I used against my narcissistic family. I am so happy I did this. I don’t have to deal with their anger and me trying to fix everything. They now text to wish me and my kids for major events and now I say Thank you, sending you and your family lots of love. My husband has blocked them and is so happy. I cannot bring myself to blocking them so I allow them to text me. Only one of them apologized and admitted to all things that was done to me. We are on light speaking terms but I keep my boundaries now. Silence is golden. Someone once said (Buddha?) if you don’t accept their gifts of anger, then it goes back to them.
Oh my goodness, you don’t deserve that. Peace in your life is more important. I am currently going through a separation in my relationship and told him I no longer consider being together unless he gets help from a therapist; he agreed and he has gone twice already. I am doing the same but I have started 6 months ago. I feel that my peace is more important and I rather be alone than being in an unhealthy relationship. Be well.
The silent treatment. I know it well. It did indeed work well to make me feel worse than a criminal for a long time. Then the person who most often used it on me to get her way told me that she used it because whenever someone offended her, they lose the right to exist until they make it right.
My response from that moment on was to push past my feelings and enjoy not having to listen to the horrible things she’d normally say, taking her silent treatment as a break instead of an attack. When she figured that out, after a couple of times, the silent treatment stopped . . .
Years of silent treatment – amazing!
My mom was the master of silent treatment. She knew I would eventually need something from her, like something signed for school, and she would smirk when I would ask her, instead of responding. She relished being able to demonstrate how perfect and superior she was, by putting others below her. It took a long time to realize the lie behind her outward appearance of superiority. I feel sad for her now because I know she felt so inferior and unloveable that the only way she thought she could get her wants and needs met was by manipulating others to force them to make her feel important and loved.
What’s fascinating? If you ignore them they magically start talking to you again as if nothing happened. Life in the spin cycle. Over and over again.
@@nopereradicator not always but that’s not our decision
Literally, and when I told mine that things weren’t just magically fixed because I told him that our cat needed food, surprised Pikachu face. 😂
I grew up in such a toxic environment where the silent treatment was a daily occurrence. Looking back, I remind myself: If they truly cared about me, they would have stayed in my life. That’s not the reality, though, and I no longer care about them. I’ve stopped chasing after people or worrying about their actions. They chose to cut me out, and that’s fine—done and dusted. Don’t get me wrong; in the past, it hurt when someone ignored me, but not anymore.
Well said!
@@moniquejackson7741 Thank you
After the third day of the silent treatment, is one indication that they never loved in the first place.
Excellent point. Healthy people don’t use the silent treatment on their loved ones.
@@moniquejackson7741 I hope that’s true. Because my ex used the silent treatment on me. I could be wrong but I don’t believe I ever used the silent treatment on him. But yet when we’d fight because I suffered from anxiety and depression he’d blame my illness and say I’m being paranoid and he say it’s your illness that’s doing it you’re taking it the wrong way blah blah blah.
@@moniquejackson7741 I was sure I had replied since I was using a voice to text thing so maybe I forgot to click reply so here I go again. What I said before was I hope it’s true that healthy people don’t use silent treatment under that once the reason I’m saying this is because my ex who purported that I was the one that had the illness. He blamed the stuff on me he said it’s your your illness that’s doing it called me paranoid and he did the silent treatment on me if I said anything. But he said a lot of things that offended me and I don’t believe I ever once used the silent treatment on him.
Finally had enough of my bully eldest sister and ignored her 2 week custom silent treatment. She finally ran back and stated, “I know you’re hurting. I know you miss me just admit.” Admit!” I smiled and stated I was quite alright
I turned the tables on this one; I decided to embraced it! I simply just acted like she wasn’t there. It was wonderful when she got hurt when I didn’t make her dinner, make her morning coffee, go grocery shopping for both of us-just me. I prefer the silence over the smartass comments and digs. Know what felt even better? Divorce! 🎉
Woohoo!!!🎉
She obviously was not the violent type of narcissist. Good for you! That’s not an easy technique to try.
Yes indeed!! I turned the tables for a month! The amount of peace and quiet from the passive aggressive comments, the small micro aggressions- it felt like a vacation. I knew then I had to divorce him and that I was not put on the planet to live in that mess. Divorce had been golden!🎉
After my grandfather and cousin stole money from me, then me calling them out for it, they resorted to stone cold silence. It turned out to be such a relief that I grew to enjoy. I decided that we should keep things that way. It’s been a peaceful past year. A few months ago, I was told that my grandfather was in my state. He didn’t call, text, or come to my house. Cool. I do the same when I’m back home; simply acting like he doesn’t exist. He likes it, I LOVE it. By the way, keep your inheritance, Gramps. ✌️
I’m right behind you on that!
I am now trying to utilize the “Silent” treatment back at the narcissistic. Its Christmas Eve and he hid my stocking. He put out his stocking, the dogs stocking but lost my stocking. He took an old, holey work sock and hung it up for me. When I i asked him where my stocking from my childhood,the one my Grandma had made it for me, he still hasn’t answered me about “Why” ” Wheres my beloved stocking” and “Why would you put a old, worn sock up as a replacement?” I haven’t gotten an answer, not one. I got nothing, nada. God help me! I am stopping asking. I can’t handle a passive aggressive response. I am now silent. I pray this is my last Christmas with this person.
I’m right there with you with my wife. I’m not praying it’s the last Christmas, I’m promising it’s the last Christmas. Been on this hell for 29 years. No more.
Ruuuun! 🏃
Pray, but also ACT..leave asap
They really are infants in adult bodies.
Playing their games only hurts you more. It might FEEL good, like revenge. But feelings and thoughts of revenge aren’t good for you. They’re just not. The only way to win is to stop playing the game and leave. They cannot stand being alone because they feel terrible about themselves, in reality. It might not seem that way but it is.
For 10 years now! I have learned to live with a ghost that pulls out a mask, when a third party or witness shows up . I don’t even try to break this silent treatment anymore.
So sorry you’re going through that dear.
I called my son out – *FINALLY* called him out on his BS and I stood my ground and I haven’t heard a peep from him in months. He has removed himself from my phone group list of “my babies” of my children. I don’t care. Years and years of gaslighting, abuse, lies, making up stories that were absolutely NOT TRUE, absolute crazy-making behavior, putting me in impossible situations….I’m DONE with it! The silence is beautiful! The few days I’m really sad, I remember that I’m grieving for my little boy, not the man he turned out to be. Then I give it to God and move on. He will no longer have any of my life; he has taken too much of it as it is.
My son doing the same thing! I adopted him when he turned 19- his dad traumatized him, not me! I left when I was able- his view of reality is so screwed up- the gaslighting, degrading remarks are too much! I’m done after all his cryptic remarks on social media too! He isn’t talking to me, my other children. My door is open but I’m not going down his rabbit hole period!!!
Can you hear the cheering?!
100%
Same with my daughter. The only picture I have up is when she was a tween.
It’s been years and the last thing I said when she started her bullying was “ ok, I know how you feel about me and when you can bring a adult conversation to the table, I’m here “
She’s 34 and it’s been over 2 years. Not holding my breath
My son just turned 26 yesterday. I put up some ornaments he made when he was little. I did spend time with him yesterday – the way HE wanted, not healthy at all – and I realize that I too am grieving my baby boy who is a grown man now and not the innocent child. He still has a good soul somewhere in there, I know, and his behaviors are just covering it up. I also feel like he will keep Taking from me until I die and there’s nothing left to take. It stops now. He’s toxic to me and it’s abusive. When and if he gets sober and figures life out, I may still be there or not – I don’t know how I’ll feel. I love him and hope he gets it for himself. And in the meantime, I’m sad. And done. Thanks for listening. ❤
The narcissistic in law in my family gave me the silent treatment when I said hello as I literally was standing right in front of her. I don’t know why. It was unnerving. She then continued to scapegoat me, verbally assault me and do a smear campaign against me to my family. So toxic and disgusting. Protecting my health and peace. Not playing their game nor taking the blame. Going DDEEP . Standing strong in the truth. 💪🏼 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Early on in the relationship with my ex I caught him rifling through my private paperwork and got annoyed. He gave me the silent treatment and I ended up apologising. Another time he sent me a sexually explicit message which upset me because I felt like I didn’t know him. The guy I’d been dating wouldn’t find that type of smut funny. So next day he asked me if I got his message and I said yes but I didn’t like it. Guess what! The silent treatment again and again I ended up being peacemaker. This person went on to become a very abusive, emotionally/physically/financially and sexually. We really need to pay heed to these early red flags. It took me ten years to finally get away from that miserable creep and a lot of therapy afterwards. Thank you Dr Ramani for your excellent service.
My mum used to do it a lot. It’s dehumanising and unbearably painful.
My mom too, and now I’m dealing with it from my husband. They all play by the same hand-book, I swear.
My God! The pain in the comments from viewers! What torment you all have endured or are enduring! May we all find peace and warm love!
The part about “it silences us” I can relate because we can’t say the things that we normally would say lest the silent treatment happen again.