The FALLOUT of trying to make it work with a narcissist
LONDON ENGLAND WORKSHOPS:
September 5-7, 2024
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
The more you try and make it work with a narcissist, you will just end up burning yourself out. You have to understand that they cannot make it work with themselves. And their trauma, drama and chaos is not your responsibility. You are only responsible for yourself.
Amen 🙏
They cannot make it work with themselves. Nailed. It!
Truth❤
Please talk about how misogyny is the same as narcissism
Not …. Sheesh. @@jointhefun4
Hi Dr. Ramani, I’m your follower,thank you so much. Now I understand why they blame me despite my sacrificed in my family. I got married at 40 because I help them but Instead they see my sacrificed,they make me as their enemy. I realized that my family is narcissistic.my father is covert narc.and my sister too. Watching from phillipines.
Ive in the past tried to make it work with a narc, but it didn’t work out and in fact I ended up getting shorted again and again. They forever attempting to change other to their own liking. Theyre only concerned about themselves. The manipulations are such mind ucks its sickening and depressing.
I did wear out myself with now ex husband. I am still recovering from that hell. Chronic fatigue is real. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👋👍🙌🫅👑🙏
Yes, they are experts at wearing us down aren’t they? 😢
I hope this comment is helpful, but I saw you included the Psalms… And I just read this Bible verse today — Leviticus 26:40-42.
This verse right here proves that even God has conditions to being reconciled to anyone who betrays Him. He requires acknowledgement of wrong doing, remorse over the pain they caused, and a change in behavior!
We are often pressured in religion (and by the rest of the world) to be reconciled to people who are not willing to treat us well — We are always expected to carry the entire weight of a relationship on our shoulders — but no one ever talks about how even God refuses to keep the company of narcissistic people.
Even God expects a change in behavior — an apology without a change in behavior is not grounds for reconciliation.
Only if someone repents (turns from their betrayals and sin, and works on becoming the partner they promised to be), will God renew His wedding vows. 😊
Again, I hope this is a helpful comment… I just had to share it because it freed me even more from the pressure to make one-sided relationships work.
Leviticus 26:40-42
“‘But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers, with their unfaithfulness in which they were unfaithful to Me, and that they also have walked contrary to Me,
and that I also have walked contrary to them and have brought them into the land of their enemies; if their uncircumcised hearts are humbled, and they accept their guilt—
then I will remember My covenant with Jacob, and My covenant with Isaac and My covenant with Abraham I will remember; I will remember the land.'”
Trying to make it work with a narcissist is like pouring water into a bucket with holes. No matter how much you put in, your efforts just keep leaking away.
The Law of Diminishing Returns.
well said
I love my Pomeranians. Skookie and Toto. They are rescued.
Great analogy!
That’s a great analogy
You’re 1000 percent correct
No use trying to make it work. Try to heal by living for yourself.
That’s the only way I can get through this.
That’s exactly what I did —
Leave the narc and keep the dog. 🎉
Just like me.
I did exactly that 6 weeks ago after 26 years with the naarc
me too
I praised my ex NARCISSIST for over 30 years. 🤢Finally the praise became truth in the form of insults. As they say the truth shall set you free! 🥰(freedom 9-12-22) anyone else?
I really needed this today. Exactly this. I so wish it could work, but the toll it takes on me is unbelievable.
Narcissists ruined me, but dogs healed me. 🐶🐕😊
it’s made me not trust anyone anymore. The last narc was a friend, I thought we were good friends…but it turns out she was a Narc too.
@@BustedFlush7096 We are drawn to what is familiar.
Me too .mine give me a breath when I can’t breath.
Indeed…they,the doggies, are God’s special gifts that bring joy and peace and healing.
YES!!!! If it wasn’t for my pug, I probably would be worse off.
My mother was my first narc. Everything was my fault and I became the target of her vitriol. I had no power. My father revealed himself over my lifetime as a wimp who didn’t protect me. He was Neville Chamberlain. Peace at any price. Peace for him but I paid the price. I cut them out. They left me nothing. But my own peace which was worth the price.
Ditto Scapegoats … that’s just the tip of the iceberg
Chamberlain. Never heard that one. Well done. I learned something today. Thx
Life has been more peaceful since I left the narcissist, then adopted a Rottweiler ❤
My story: 12 years of my life lost trying to make that relationship work. Please ! Don’t even loose a minute!!!!
You have nailed it dr Ramani. Narcisistic relationships are not sustainable, they are eternal oneway relationships, where you constantly have to cater to their changing expectations and are treated as an object used to meet their needs and regulate their unpredictable and changing moods. You have to turn your authenticity off and are forced to behave in a dishonest way which in essence is enabling their evil behaviour to wreak more havoc in the world. There are no ways you can make adult life problems work out fine with narcissistic people whose emotional development has been arrested at a pre adolescent age. Thank you for your immense help and support 😊 God bless you ❤
perfect explanation…thank you.
These videos are so helpful dr Ramani, thank you so much! This one made think of my work place: the company I work for acts like a narc. I’m SO TIRED of walking on egg shells and having to be very careful to say the right thing in the right way, to be defensive all the time because the moment I get vulnerable people will use information against me, how they gaslight me and how I’m always the one wrong… I’m quitting, it will never “work” and it’s damaging me
Thank you, Doctor Ramani, for helping us sort this stuff out on the path to healing! They do not change in the transactional mindset, but through the years there is a feeling of a bond of love from what we give from our heart. The more time that passed engaging the more love I gave regardless of abuse. I can not stop loving people and that is why boundaries or no contact is so important with narcissistic abuse.
THEY DO NOT CHANGE!!! I live in the world of possibilities soooooooo 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
I’m 60+ days out! I have my appetite back and the Narcissist BLOCKED!
Wow, so Brilliant. One of the best summaries of “making it work” so far. I would have to transcribe the whole video to highlight the gold nuggets. YOU will forever be doing all the work and making all the changes while they continue in their entitled, minimizing, and blaming and shaming ways.
7 years out and still listening. Reminding myself about how bad it was and how good it is to be out! She nails it every single time. Thx Dr Ramani!