Staying in a narcissistic relationship feels impossible – but leaving comes with its own set of challenges, especially when kids are involved. You worry about what they’re witnessing if you stay, but you also fear what might happen if you leave. Will they be better off, or will the fallout be even worse? Let’s break down what this really looks like and why there’s no simple answer.
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When I left my husband, my kids asked me what took so long
I was the buffer for my kids. He would wait until I went out to unleash his toxic verbal diarrhea onto my children, especially my daughter. I was so enmeshed in his control that I had no idea how to get out. Everything in the relationship was ours, I had no separation. I started slowly by buying myself a computer. Oh, boy, did he react to that. He said, “What else do you need for yourself? Your own car, your own bed, your own house?” That was such an overreaction, but then he kept saying that he never said that. If you are thinking about leaving, start by separating yourself. Get your own bank account, computer, email address, etc. Stay strong 💪🏻 fellow survivors ✨️
Deanna, I’m so glad that you got out. I left 4 months ago, and they have been the best 4 months in ages!!
My niece is going to ask her dad the same question one day.😢
My kids are asking me what’s taking me so long to Leave my husband. I’m preparing the the paperwork now. This is a lengthy process but my self dignity is important to me. 🙏
Exactly. Isn’t it something how much children see? Kudos to you for giving your children a better life. 🎉
Since I went no contact with my mom and sister ,my daughter 22 who totally understood , says she is ok, I feel so good my daughter can see my métamorphosis and is so happy
Collateral harm has become more vicious & visible after 20-30 yrs😢
She left him. Yet, his parental rights meant visitations. I was the scapegoat & it was hell. I can’t begin to imagine how bad it would have been had she stayed. Folks, if you can – RUN!
DO IT. My Mother waited many years too long, and at 64 I am still a mess, along with my two younger brothers. All 3 of us, No children, no wives. Sad. I am the only one who ever had long-term relationships, and they were rocky at best.
It should be harder to get married and easier to get divorced. Mandatory mental screenings should be added to the list, before becoming parents.
That gets into great area tbh but I do think there’s too many bad partners/parents fr
Amen🙏🏽💥❤️
Narcissistic people are amazing liars.
I am so grateful that I was able to leave. My kids and I are going so much better. Yes there were bad times during the divorce. He told the mediator that I was a neglectful parent. I stayed the course I set in motion. I found out I had breast cancer a month after I asked for the divorce. I wouldn’t have known without asking for the divorce because I was so caught up in his reactions and feelings. I would have been stuck with him with advanced BC. My kids and I are doing so much better. Our relationship is better. They wouldn’t have respected me.
It was two black women that didn’t like me flirted with him. It’s so ridiculous his issues
So true – it seems whatever you do to begin with is wrong/unfair, especially when you are made to look like the toxic parent. I keep forgetting why we broke up and then we go through a stressful situation with the children and it all comes flooding back when the other parent blames me and my parenting style for the problem. It’s hard. Thanks for the reminder Dr Ramani to always be the safe, buffer parent and let the children make their own mind up. It’s hard
You are so right Dr. Ramani. My narcissistic ex was so obsessed with controlling our son. He would get jealous and accuse me of manipulating our son to love me more because our son and I had a strong bond. He would try to run the home like a military. If our son disagreed with him, he would blame me and accuse me of turning or son against him. Our son is smart and has a mind of his own. He would go as far as to not leave me alone with my own kid. He would tell our son awful lies about me and accuse me of abusing our son. Ever since I finally left him. My son and I are happier. My kid is so smart he even expressed to me he doesn’t like his own dad and it’s so much peaceful with just he and I. Every time I would let that jerk in our life he would chip away a piece of our son and make home fearful. Now that it’s court ordered he needs to be at a supervised center in order to see his son, he has no interest and tried getting me to let him see our son alone and not to obey the court order. No Mr. I have given you way too many chances to abuse us. Those days are done.
God bless you. My mother, was not like you. She stayed with that narc for whole life. Ok
Trust victims, especially protective parents. 58,000 new kids are forced into the custody of documented abusers every year in the US alone. Some are murdered, some commit suicide, many are depressed, scared, have their lives permanently affected by the abuse they experience. Many say that if they had known how badly the abuse against the kids would escalate and how helpless they would be to protect, they would have never left.
Wow, you really hit home with this one! Either way the non-narcissist loses and it’s a lot. I had to leave the last year of my kids senior year in high school. Yes, I got out of narcissistic abuse, but I also lost the last year of my kids high school experience. That was as painful or more painful than the abuse. All around, I lose.
They mess up the whole family health
haven’t even watched the video just came here to comment as a 20 something who got out of a narcissistic home and my mom stayed thinking she was protecting us (while fighting cancer probably as a result of the toxicity) LEAVEEEEEEE FOR YOUR KIDS OR THEY WILL REPEAT THE CYCLE!!!!
My husband was married to a malignant covert narcissist. Long before they divorced, she was actively alienating their daughter from him, and it got far worse after their separation. No court would help us, or her. Our own children grew up happy and healthy, while stepdaughter descended into mental illness and drug abuse before losing the battle of both. This is the truth; some narcissists will destroy their own child rather than share. Proceed very, very carefully when leaving one, and get the best possible legal council every step of the way.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It’s quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes Jefshroomies , I have a similar experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and addiction, and mushrooms have significantly contributed to my recovery and being clean today.
I wish those were more easily accessible where I live.
Microdosing was my next step for my husband. He’s 59 & dealing with lots of mental health challenges, possible CTE & a TBI that put him in a coma for 8 days. Unfortunately, I had to get a TPO since he’s 6’6, over 300 pounds, and showing violent behavior, constantly talking about harming others. He’s aggressive. To anyone reading this, if you’re familiar with BPD, is it common to have an obsession with violence?
How can I find Jefshroomies ? Is he on Google
Jefshroomies is the man
“A bumpy path where you will be judged by all sorts of people “
I asked myself if I would survive another 10 years in the circumstances of being abused, by which time my youngest would be 18. The answer i gave myself was “no, I wont survive it.”
A 6 year separation ensued including 4 years of family court, ($350 000 court case), he destroyed every asset he was able to. It was so devastating i almost didn’t survive that.
I often wish now that I had made my peace ith the situation and stayed despite feeling utter misery being in it.
I support the relationship with their father but I do try to educate them on his limitations so they don’t take his lack of empathy personally. I tell them daddy loves them but daddy doesn’t understand how to consider the feelings of others. It’s going ok. But now my son plans to live with his dad full time and I fear what that is going to do to his self-esteem when he’s not just having fun-dad. He’s a very deep and mature 14 year old but he is going to face a lot of challenges.
This described so well my decision making. I stayed to be a buffer for my kids, who struggled when we finally divorced. This video echoed so much of my experience and the “not knowing” if I left would it have been better for them. I’m going to be intentional and remember the things I’ve done right, and to be open and listen to my kids as they describe things they went through that I didn’t know were happening, and apologize to them and keep listening to support them.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** 🙂 Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Never say “we are struggling financially”, (even if it’s true). Instead, say: “i always have more than enough”. ✌️&❤️