A Case Study on Narcissistic Abuse in FX’s The Bear
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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Essentially, if you pierce their veil of grandiosity, their shield, if you become your own person with autonomy and agency (free will), they see this as a deep betrayal. This might not make sense to you, but the reason is this: In their mind, you exist as a fixed version of yourself, as an internal voice or image that must stay consistent. You exist only as a messenger and affirmation of their own hallucinations, not as your own person.
And once you show your own personality or reveal it to them, it creates anxiety, the fear of abandonment in them.
That’s why they belittle and abandon you; fundamentally to avoid being rejected and to escape their own sense of abandonment.
Why victims donโt be fight them and just suffer with the abuse I will never understand sorry your letting someone hurt u then blame yourself makes no sense and yes my aunt was a malignant I know about narcissist I just always fight for myself wouldnโt be so many damn narcissist if yah sensitive people would just stop walking on eggshells and being scared of them ๐ yah ainโt never gonna learn feel bad for yah
yes, yes, and yes! each of your paragraphs above are mere windows into my own life’s patterns. Thank you! I find hope in your words.
It also proves, in ways, what goes around, comes around.
Sue
(a daughter of a narcissistic mother [-Karyl McBride], uh father, brother, and sister)
I agree 100 %
Yes! This fixed version of me was always the most puzzling and powerful part of what they do. They must always keep themselves fixed in a black and white time warp of themselves to go with it. I think thatโs why it must be a loop.
Ok now Iโm going to watch this show. You didnโt spoil it for me; you made it relatable.
Although I never watched the show, I can deeply resonate with the concept of wrestling with the ghosts of narcissistic abuse, as it feels like a never ending battle with the demons from my past, hence making it hard for me to move forward or find peace. Iโm constantly struggling with these ruminating thoughts especially when Iโm alone, replaying these toxic memories and feelings on loop. Itโs an overwhelming experience that just never ends.
It’s a great show.
… Been there, still there, not sure if I can ever get out of this abusive prison from deep within planted there by my extremely abusive narcissistic Bi-polar ex-wife!!!
This gives me chills. There is a short film name Your Reality, it’s an award winning short film about Gaslighting … it’s on YouTube so you can simply keyword search, the ending is so warped, gives me chills, and it takes some times to process the whole thing …
Must watch this I got out after thirty years โฆ mostly thanks to educators like yourself โค
I am so happy you addressed this on the Bearโฆ..!!!! Thankyou !!!!! I lived this **** itโs right on what harm Narcissistic abuse did to me ***** every character- every -I experienced- living hell-
no contact was the only way out – at 66 I wish I knew about this years ago but now- working hard to get stronger *
As a survivor I picked this up right away watching this series. The brother was the Golden child and the damage that was done is obvious. I relate to Cam and his perfection and doubt. Beautiful acting and a deep emotional show. Thank you for highlighting this as a tool for so many โคโคโคโค
Same!
Yeah me too, from the first scene with Jamie Lee Curtis, I knew immediately what was really going on, the way she acted at that dinner was so dead on, I had to pause the show and catch my breath. I was not prepared for it at first, but I’m so glad I continued because it’s been kind of healing to watch it.
@@HexenFrau right?! She really did they scene all too well. It’s too real for some of us. That scene is what confirmed my suspicion from early on. I mean his primary relationships were what made him ok with tolerating such a tyrant abusive boss in the Michelin restaurant. But also the addiction and codependency and even the way the brothers friends were. I love the complexity the show puts on all the characters. Light and dark, they highlight each ones arch so well.
I only of know of this show since anything beyond internet service is out of my budget. The dynamic sounds very familiar though—my ex was the problem child who died in his late forties, the middle son was his enabler and the youngest son continues to be mama’s favorite who can do no wrong and as a result too often lacks remorse for his wrongdoing. My ex mother in law is a case study in domineering behavior, parenting ineptitude and malignant narcissism. That woman created a train wreck of a family.
I absolutely agree with you, but I loved season 3 for focusing on the other characters as well. Especially Syd and how Carmy’s obsessive perfectionism has been stressing her and also traumatizing her.
My favorite episode from season 3 was episode 6 about Tina searching for work. Her relationship with her husband was so reassuring and healthy in the midst of the chaos that I loved seeing them together. It also highlighted the frustrating process of searching for jobs and getting rejected, and losing hope. Feelings I relate to at the moment.
๐ฏ
I love The Bear and the Seven Fishes episode had me white knuckling the entire way through it because it felt so real. Mikey, Carmy, and Natalie all developed their own ways of managing the abuse but those methods kept them in it or led to worse things. Mikey went with fight but it led to him falling into the same chaotic patterns. Carmy was flight, his work training gave him the perfect out to flee to New York but led him to another abusive situation, and Natalie always asking their mother if she was okay was a habitual fawn response that backfifed by actually putting herself in her mother’s crosshairs.
I also remember Richie and Carmy’s discomfort around Pete that they can’t really ever seem to verbalize why they feel that way, and I realized that it’s because Pete is a genuinely nice person who treats them kindly, and they’re not used to that and they actually don’t even trust someone who treats them nicely because they’re so used to abuse.
Edit: realized I made a mistake, the character’s name is Pete. I have no clue why I thought Todd lol
While Pete was a secondary character, I truly enjoyed seeing the development of his character and be able to see how good/right he was for Natalie.
At first they depict him as an annoying/oblivious characterโฆ and then they went to show how truly companionate and supportive of a person he actually is to Natโฆ who just knows how to act to โnot stir the potโ
Now I must watch season 1 through 3 if The Bear.
Recently I had an epiphany about my father growing up as the son of a malignant narcissist and the fallout on his family. He became a grandiose narcissist and raised at least one covert narcissist. The dynamics of generational dysfunction continue, despite going no contact nearly four years ago. Large dysfunctional families operate as cults and my narcissistic sister has so damaged my reputation some relatives will no longer speak to me. Others thought they could steal from me.
I had simply wanted to stop her abuse. Now I recognize this as a gift as I work towards living my best life unencumbered by toxic people who never loved me and despite all my efforts was never enough.
You sound like a very strong person. ๐ My hope for you is that you encounter someone who can give you a soft place to fall, and still respect your strength. ๐๐ผ
@susanbradleyskov9179ย Thank you. That would be nice, but I do not expect that to happen. I will save myself. My dream is to spend some quality contemplative time in nature healing. I hope someday my joyous heart will assist me in finding or creating my own special tribe.
I am so much stronger than even I realized. Strong enough โก.
Iโm a psychotherapist also. The Bear is a masterpiece. There are many depictions of the ways that CPTSD shows up in adulthood due to narcissistic abuse.
Nen de uzman bir psikolog narsist maฤduruyum, รงifte maฤdur ๐
Could not agree with you more. This show is both triggering and super validating and very very very well done,, especially since I’m a foodie and aspired to be a chef and grew up in Chicago.
Is a heartbreakingly real story and the layers of the dysfunction and how it reaches into each of their respective lives and relationships is so well portrayed.
Havenโt seen it but Iโm going to watch it now. I definitely relate to the obsession with perfectionism. When I was in my 20s it was debilitating. When I first watch โMommy Dearestโ and โGrey Gardensโ I started to think something was off but I was dressed so beautifully by NM and gaslit that everything that was said or done was my imagination and I need psychological help. Looking back not knocking mess but Iโm grateful I turned inward towards meditation and lifestyle changes to help me manage. I pray for anybody experiencing this, it may be of the top reason behind health problems, anxiety and depression. Thanks Dr for continuing to educate. If I hadnโt seen your YT I donโt believe I would have ever stopped blaming myself or believed my own mom would go through such extremes to sabotage my lifeโคโคโค
Iโm going to watch this! I cried when you spoke about what Carmy said while stuck in the freezer. It struck a cord of truth in me. Iโve felt like Iโm not deserving of love and I canโt seem to do any type of relationship right (not even friendships). I donโt like hurting peopleโs feelings, so I struggle with being seen. I donโt know how to be authentic without hurting feelings or people being angry with me. I had to walk on eggshells in previous relationships. Iโm also a perfectionist, raised by a narcissist.
As a survivor, these siblings represented past phases of my life; giving up, giving in, and going all out to be valued by a parent.
OMG, same here. I see pieces of me in each character. Some of them more at the forefront than others in different stages of my lifeโฆ
I had never put this together but it makes so much sense thank you
I caught that! Not feeling good enough for love. Dr Ramani you are love you teach us about narcissism! Iโm a Dr Ramani warrior and there is a whole lot of us out here!!! Every once in awhile I can sit still for a movie..
The episode โFishesโ with Jamie Lee Curtis was the most intense tv show Iโve ever seen. She should win an Emmy for that.
I don’t think I could breathe properly throughout the whole episode ๐
The most haunting part of this series was the horrific verbal and psychological abuse of Carmy by one of the chefs who trained him — the dark haired, bearded guy with glasses. So haunting because I have experience with callous, manipulative, cold people who see other people as chess pieces to play with. So expertly depicted.
Dr. Ramani, you are an Angel. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to narcissism. Itโs like a plague, Itโs everywhere. And narcissists keep getting more and more creative because they realize the world has exposed them.
Watched the Power of the Dog and Gloria Bell. I am coming out of years , all my life, being supply. I wanted others that are menacing, to feel betterโฆ.so I feel safe. No more. Raised with 2 narcissists and 30 years married passive aggressive covert, now divorced. My head is filled with incorrectness and I work daily to know and love me. Worth every second. Thank you! For you! And us!