Vanity and narcissism – are they always connected? Not every narcissistic person is obsessed with their appearance, and believing they are can cause a lot of confusion. In this video, we break down why the stereotype of the vain narcissist is misleading and how it might be causing you to miss the real signs. If you’ve ever wondered what truly defines narcissism beyond the surface, this one’s for you.
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You are such a blessing ❤
Right?! I’ve been pledging since 2020 that we all petition her for the Nobel Peace Prize 😊 based off how many lives she has SAVED and the impact of her work!
I pray she does get an actual vacation sometime.❤
Completely agree. I am 71 and have been seeking help understanding what was going on in my family since I was in my late teens. I tried it all – therapy, group therapy, self help books, I even read the Bible from cover to cover. Listening to Dr. Ramani has done more in a few months than all the others combined.
@@ktbiwk I have no clue about that, but I do agree. I just enjoying watching her talk about it a lot. I chose not to be on social networks, so I might be missing out a lot. 🙁
My covert narcissist mother was so focused on the appearance of her daughters that it was painful for us. She was so hurtful in her unending criticism of what we looked like.
I didn’t wear orange for 12+ years because my mother said it didn’t look good on my skin tone (same as hers). When I was older I was able to determine that she was just blatantly wrong, but I still believed she believed the crap she said. It took me awhile before I realized she was sharing anxieties like that so that I would be fearful of them, not because she was actually fearful of them herself. 😮💨🙄🤦🏻♀️
@@PaigeSquared In my mother’s case, it was me wearing black. Once I was an adult, my wardrobe was 50% black clothes
I don’t think they’re all vain but all I’ve known have severe insecurities over someone else being prettier or more attractive, sexier than them. I’ve seen some fall into depression over meeting someone they seem prettier, start very obviously copying that person, or become almost vengeful towards that “more attractive” person.
I ‘ve had the very same on my mind…. any of those I have met was NOT over-over preoccupied about having the MOST attractive and striking apperance in public. All of them overdressed occassions in order to be sure they overdressed others… this way they could walk around like queens gathering all accomplishments including situations when it was someone else’s “day”.
This is very interesting. My mom is (I’m pretty sure) a covert narcissist and appearance has always been over the top concern with her own appearance, my appearance, my sisters appearance, her house and clothes and who she spends her time with. She seems to be so unaware of how her comments affect other people – mainly my sister and I – though I always received the brunt of it. We’ve been told that we’re covered in lard, that she was embarrassed to be seen with me, constantly asking what size clothing we wear now….like…it’s a lot. She’s incredibly vain and shallow and hurtful all the time.
My parents are a little like this but they never took care of themselves I have no idea…
My mother is also a covert narcissist, she’s obsessed with her apeareance, she keeps telling my sister(40) to get a nose job . She’s 83 and even though she doesn’t have grand children she was called a grandma in a sweet friendly way at the grocery store, she got furious, she thinks she looks 25
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** 🙂 Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Thankyou.
Yep ! I wish my mom would had left my narc father. He’d be out of town a week sometimes. Everything was quiet and about every night we had pot pies. To this day I hate pot pies but his absence was worth it!!
Someone who was vain is exactly what I thought a narcissist was up until 5 years ago.
I find most narcissists are appearance focused
It still comes down to a failure of parts of the mind to develop. The he said, she said drama isn’t that important for me. The exact causes of narcissism seems to have a variety of causes. I’ve drawn in narcissists of different types. I’ve joined in the shared fantasies. My personality has been on the codependent side. That’s the real problem for me. I’ve been narc bait. OK, so while I’m here, I’ve seen more than normal. And I have higher goals. I thank researchers like Dr.Ramani. The narcissists aren’t capable of permanently trapping me. That(imprisonment ) I’ve done to myself by my own desires. Nothing has been stolen from us. We’ve given our lives away to beings without mental and spiritual cores. I’ve believed because I wanted to believe. It’s not pleasant to overcome brainwashing, but, hold my beer, here I go.
Just remember that you owe No one a relationship or your compassion.
Sometimes, it can be a matter of perspective.
I’m pretty sure a couple neighbors have felt I’m an arrogant, vain narcissist, who doesn’t want to lift a finger to help anyone, in part, because I think I’ll never be in need. They’ve already determined that, because I’m single and with no children, I cannot POSSIBLY have anything to do, that is more important, than running around, seeing who needs what and availing myself to their whim. These people dang near expect for me to be clairvoyant, watching out for their needs, keeping my ear to the ground, looking out of the window, hoping for the chance to see what I can do for them. Neither considered that, before they moved in, I was living my life. But, they’ve certainly seen themselves as, “Well, now that I have landed, I’ve got things you’ll be doing!” Then they disappoint themselves, because none of that materializes, without so much as an argument. I ignore them. Whether they figure it out or not, is not my problem. But, to them, me living my life as I always have, as a single woman, is selfish and neglectful of other people’s wants and needs. It’s a devaluation that, if you don’t have family, you’re to be desperate for validation, by lending yourself out, like a library book, hoping someone will take interest in reading you. These are arrogant, self-important people, who think of others as sundries and that’s even if they’re single. But they at least want YOU to feel that the definition of “friendship”, is you doing everything for them and them doing nothing for you. Using you like a rag. Both have seemed to literally feel like, “I KNOW you heard when I was going out of the door! You could see when my child was outside! What on earth could you POSSIBLY be DOING, where you didn’t come downstairs, to see what you could do!!!?”
What I feel, about myself and my neighbors is quite the opposite. That I hope they can get along and have the best lives they can, without me intruding, imposing and entitling myself to their lives. I respect their lives and their privacy. For one who may have felt that I thought what happened to her, will never happen to me? Oh, no! I feel worse is coming, for me. I’ve long understood that what I’ve seen happen to aging narcissists, scapegoats can often have a life traveling a very similar path. It may not be for the same reasons. But, not be so different. I just won’t be giving my life up to people, who think of me as a roll of paper towels to use and, oddly enough, they seem to feel so, when you may be doing better than them. They’re also not asking. They’re telling and you have to practically call the police, to confirm a boundary.
I became aware of just how many narcissistic people there were when the pandemic first happened. The girl who does my hair later told me that she got numerous calls from people who expected her to go to the salon and do their hair. She said they didn’t care about her or that she had a very ill husband (brittle diabetic) that she had to be mindful didn’t get sick. She said they really didn’t care if they got sick, either; they only wanted to look good. They didn’t care who it might affect or who it inconvenienced. She, herself, was quite shocked. There were also people becoming violent because they couldn’t work out at the gym. This was certainly vanity but it was also very clearly narcissism. I do believe there are more people like this than anyone realizes.
Some narcs have an unkempt appearance and some narcs are neat and tidy.
Be aware.
Yes 😂 it’s crazy
My narc dad hustled by dressing down.
When I was growing up I wasn’t allowed to wear nail polish, scented lotion, perfume (seen as “too grown up” by narc parent). I was ridiculed for wearing black socks with brown shoes, I was even told how I should style my hair. It makes you lose SO MUCH individuality when a parent is so obsessed with how you look!
I agree! Once I came home from a sleepover when I was 11 years old and my friends mom painted our nails. My mom was infuriated sent me to the store to get nail polish remover and punished me for the rest of the day.
I’m 66 and retired. I spent 50 years sometimes 7 days a week 12 hours a day in dirty work clothes. I now wear nice clean cargo pants and occasionally button-down shirts and nice boots. I don’t care if people look at me as being vain.If they do, that’s their problem. I just like looking half decent during my last years walking this planet.
Doesn’t matter what a narcissist wears we will know them as soon as they start speaking.
Being with a narcissist is like trying to have a conversation with a person who is wearing headphones, they can speak but all they can hear is the sound of their own voice and I was just background noise. Completely self-absorbed and every time we talked it would be about her or it would be a order/command for me to do something for her.
My mother is so jealous and vain that when I was a little girl and started to develop, she would be little me and threatened to cut my hair off due to jealousy
I am a narcissist. I would love it if you could put out videos for people like me who do want to change. I watch your videos, and they have helped me recognize my narcissistic patterns. I want to change. I want a fulfilling life. Statistics don’t lie that most of us will not change. I just don’t want to be a statistic.
Good for you ! I had to look into learned or trauma survivor narcissism behaviors. My first step was to be humble to myself! I am what I am and I am my experiences! And the world didn’t fall apart! Only I did.. and this was great!! I was like a puzzle who had to be put back together again. Though some pieces are missing! You’ve got this !!
Good for you ! I had to look into learned or trauma survivor narcissism behaviors. My first step was to be humble to myself! I am what I am and I am my experiences! And the world didn’t fall apart! Only I did.. and this was great!! I was like a puzzle who had to be put back together again. Though some pieces are missing! You’ve got this !!
Dr Ramani, you’re such a beautiful soul in this chaotic world of mental abuse. I rarely comment on YouTube or any other social media. But I couldn’t resist. I am listening 2-3 videos every day and at the end of each video I think this was the best video I ever watched. I have learnt so much from your videos. I can go on and on but words can’t describe how grateful I am for you. I am sending you loads of Love. Thank you ❤
My highly malignant narcissistic sister was beautiful when young, but she did not age well. By 60 she was no longer attracting any glances. But, she continued to behave as if she was still her 18-year-old self, believing that men had crushes on her, and she would act according to that belief, chasing them around and clearly making herself available. She just never saw herself any way other than her young self looks-wise, and then she would be angry and bitter when the men refused her advances. It was really strange to witness. She actually seemed to take pains to be unattractive, it seemed to me – overweight, refusing to see a dentist, not bathing very frequently, wearing dirty clothes, etc. Yet, in her mind, she was still a babe, and fully expected men to acknowledge that.
Dr. Ramani, words cannot express how much your work means to me