Are you AFRAID to become a PARENT after growing up in a narcissistic family?
If you grew up in a narcissistic or emotionally abusive family, the idea of becoming a parent can bring up a fear you can’t quite explain. This video explores why that fear can feel so intense—and why it shows up even when you want to do things differently. If you’ve ever wondered, “What if I become them?” this will help you.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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I didn’t have kids for myriad reasons but one of the reasons was my commitment to not passing to trauma on
@MzShonuff123 Me too!!
YYEEAAAH. Now we’re talking 😎 good lesson indeed
Yes because I escaped myself from a communal malignant narcissist ex friend so happy she is out of my life now. But I learned is that when dealing with narcissists don’t engage don’t explain don’t argue and don’t personalize. This strategy worked and all my narcissistic exes have left my life.
I had two narcissistic parents. I didn’t want children because I believed I could not be a good parent. Abstractions too broken. I changed my mind and had children late, at age 38 and 40. Unfortunately I married a narcissist and had to raise children with him. However, I am thankful I found Dr Ramani videos so that I could finally understand what these relations were about. My kids are wonderful. Definitely some baggage and I hope they will get into therapy. But we love each other and they are strong and have inner resources at ages 20 and 18. I did the bubble wrap approach at first. But learned to let go and provide support as needed.
I don’t even want to breath anymore….
Most people become better people to erase their toxic childhood.
Oh absolutely I was terrified about becoming a parent, because I thought becoming a parent ruins your life.. As my dad used to say alot when I was small.. Turns out it’s one of the most important learning experiences of anyone’s life.. Which also makes it very understandable why my dad is still a man-child in his late 70s. because he viewed it so much like a constant chore and a burden on him he wasn’t able to grow
So very sad! I dedicated myself to never acting as if parenting was a burden. I regularly changed my son’s diapers always with a good attitude. I showed him that loved him by caring for him with love and kindness and respect. I know a few man-childs who are in their 60s and 70s. When I see their pouting tantrums, I wonder how injured their adult kids are from daddy’s self centeredness.
Yes. Absolutely! When I did become a parent I felt like I was parenting with no experience or even a playbook to go off of. It is scary. Feeling like a fraud and not knowing how to do it right? It has been joyful having children but also painful to see my own children pass through ages and stages realizing I never had a safe place or moment to enjoy my own childhood. I tried to model after teachers and mentors but always unsure. I found I tried to be everything my parent was not. Opposite! I’m sure I’ve made mistakes. But I tried my best. Hopefully they will be one generation better off. 🙏
Perhaps, just tell them. Ultimately it is about them and what they know about life and other people, understanding.
@Kenzofeis Thank you. They are grown now! Survived my crapshoot parenting and are well adjusted adults. A miracle considering I had no idea how to do the job. They’ve come forward to say they understand, in hindsight, why I was always so protective of them and kept them away from the dysfunctional family of origin. But it wasn’t an easy road going it alone…no partner, no family. It always felt like the most important mission in life was handed to me but I was largely unqualified. No pressure there. 😂
Snap!! ❤❤❤
Yes!! I fell pregnant when I was 21 and still living at home with my parents (my mum is the narcissist and my dad is her enabler) and I was not only fearful of the thought of being like my mum to my own child but because I was still living under their roof, I knew they would take over my child and every decision etc. I would have had no say in how to bring up my child that I decided to go ahead with an abortion. That was over 20 years ago and I still hold guilt, shame and regret over it but I still believe I done the right thing because life would have been hell and I didn’t want my child to be growijg up in that environment. I wouldn’t have been able to move out at that point and with a baby on board I definitely wouldn’t have been able to afford my own place. There’s one half of me that has always wished to have a child, even now at 47 I get broody, but I’ve always been too scared to have a child for fear of being anything like my mother and that child going through any little bit of what I’ve experienced.
You made the right decision. Give yourself the gift of letting go of shame and regret. You saved a child’s life. There are many, many destroyed people because they were born into exactly the circumstances you describe. You might find it helpful to find a psychologist who can show you how to free yourself mentally from shame and regret. Develop compassion for you, the 21 year-old girl who was in an impossible situation and yet made a very courageous decision.
@kevinhornbuckleKevin, thank you so much for your message and your kindness. It was like a hug in a text. Thank you
I understand 100% and would make the same decision in that situation. You were not born to serve and sacrifice yourself. You were born to live your best life possible together with those who love you for you. I hope you do that every day 😃
@ricalina4371Thank you so much for your kind words. Your message made me feel a little lighter 💕
You made the right decision. All my love to you. ❤️❤️❤️
My wife mother is a narcissist and a survivor she was emotionally abused by her mother. Until we got married and after our first child we were always together especially my wife she became an amazing mother and supportive. After her mother passed she cut her ties with her sisters because they are narcissistic. We are so much happier now especially with our grandchildren. We have decided we never accept her sisters back into our lives it’s been 10 years since.
Opposite for me. I wanted to lead by example. Find a quiet, kind, lovely wife and giv my kids a happy, carefree childhood.
And I did it because I persisted. My four kids had a great tme growing up and are all doing well as adults.
We don’t have to be like our parents. Learn from them.
If you are a young adult whose parent or parents are narcissistic, and you are afraid of becoming a parent, be aware that the first very serious risk you face is mating with a person who is a narcissist. Because then you can be the best parent ever, despite your troubled upbringing, and it won’t be enough to prevent your child from being destroyed, right before your very eyes, by the person you mated with.
Thank you 🙏 ❤ my Daughter really needs this video and her family me to 😊
Its the feeling of shame for having a family when your parent was jealous of you and didnt want you to experience the happiness they never did.
I am not afraid of. I just do not want. Period.
Never thought of that. But I do remember, as a child I would tell everyone I wanted to have four.
But at 54, after years and years of several severe depressions, recognizing my trauma’s, intensive therapies, healing, spiritual practice, and a brain stroke at 42, I am overly glad I never had children, or a partner. Because in hindsight, in those years that you become a parent or a partner, I was not ready. And I also was not able to be a parent after I suffered a stroke.
My Life Path wasn’t to become a parent, it was to heal and become whole again, and not pass on my trauma’s. And I am okay with that 🤍✨️
I did not have children, I def have over corrected in life to protect myself, avoid the mistakes of others, etc. I suffered a particularly painful abuse around the age of 8/9 yrs old and when my niece hit those ages it brought everything up for me. I was taken totally off guard by all those thoughts about how could someone hurt a sweet little girl. It made me feel really sad and afraid all over again. Thanks for talking about this. ❤
Wow – I really resonate with this. I didn’t know other people had this same fear due to childhood experiences.
Thank you for saving that – becauss I’ve been constantly been blamed and gaslighted for abuse to me which started in my childhood (my earliest memories). I feel so alone in dealing with it, and it continues.
I literally had this conversation with a friend of mine last week. I’m currently 7 months along and I told him that I could never imagine saying or doing what my parents would say or do to me, especially after nurturing her for this long. Like we haven’t ‘met’ but I already feel like I know so much about my baby and her budding personality. I started to cry just thinking about how messed up my parents had to be in order to tell me that no one cared about what I was passionate about because I couldn’t imagine doing that to my baby and she’s not even born yet. It’s tough but I keep telling myself that I know how I felt and what I wanted. I know how important is to listen and be supportive but I also know how important it is to not be overbearing. I think reminding myself constantly to be kind to myself, especially in those moments where I might not be ‘perfect’, has helped a ton. Mostly because I never wanted ‘perfect’ parents. I just wanted parents that could actually listen to me when I said ‘hey, that hurt my feelings’ instead of dismissing me at every turn.
I didn’t have my daughter until about a year ago at 36. I wasn’t sure if i would be a good mom and I did huuuge inner work for years before having her. I had to overcome the hurt from my own mother. But I made it. My baby is the LOVE of my life. I smile just thinking about her. I just want to give give give all my love and attention to her for as long as she wants and needs it. And then, one of my biggest goals is that she’s going to want to be a part of my life when she’s adult and doesn’t actually need me anymore. If she does, I know I’ve done a good job. And her father is the kindest sweetest man. ❤