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Andrew McLaurin
Setting boundaries can actually be a selfless act. It prevents people wasting their time and getting too deep into something that isn’t going to be for them anyway.
It’s also a test too, I avoided some pretty toxic/controlling relationships. One was in a rush to be in a relationship who would later guilt trip me.
Agreed. I was recently on a narcissistic-abuse forum where someone was questioning their date’s boundaries about intimacy, and everyone was screaming “red flag”. To me, it said: I know what I want/need, I’m clear on my priorities (protecting myself), and I respect you and your time enough to be clear with you too.”
My hero! ❤️❤️ You validated my feelings and helped clear the fog in my head that he is a good man. He raged at me on the first trip to Alaska and it got worse after he Hoover me back a couple of times. Thank you Dr. Ramani 🙏
Your biggest fan! Marta M
My boundary is to not react or respond to all negativity around . I set boundaries within.
Ty good advice
@@sushmayen BOOM!!💣💥🦾🦿🧠🙏🤗💝💯
Yes I find that I have to set boundaries for myself and other people at the same time. It’s a very delicate dance that I will make missteps but that’s okay, I just talk to God about it and see where I might still be not respecting my boundaries with me and everyone.
Thank you. ❤
It’s called gray rocking but walking works better
It’s like the day after I came home from a Craniotomy for a 6 inch brain tumor and my mother in law wouldn’t allow me to rest. She came over at 8am and ran around yelling and blowing a whistle teasing my dogs. Eight hours later I asked if she would mind going home so I could get some rest. She went around telling everyone that I kicked her out of my house and was rude.
Insanity , that’s a nark for you. Ugh
Time to get a restraining order!! Have her charged with harassment, endangerment etc. in court and get the Doctor’s orders recognized by the courts when it comes to your recovery, health and wellbeing!!
“Boundaries are a question of personal sovereignty”. Welcome to America 🇺🇸 culture does NOT trump personal sovereignty!!
You need a better spouse. You shouldn’t have had to do set a boundary in that situation.
🩷 Sorry about your brain tumor. 🎉 Congrats on setting your boundary with your mil!
💪🩷 Stay peacefully Strong! 💞💞💞
These videos remind me everyday how fkup my mother is.. thank you
I remember when my narc dad said “you’re cruel” when I told him to speak with me in a respectful manner. Lol. He was such a prick.
Narcissistic parents feel that, if they have to respect you, it cancels out you respecting them. Untrue. Didn’t say I intended to disrespect you. Just said that I ALSO deserve respect.
They really are the absolute masters of twisted logic. Mine would do the exact same and then declare my insistence on not being his emotional punching bag as elder abuse. Okay, Harry. 🙄
@@privateprivate8366 that wasn’t the dynamic in our relationship. I always had to treat him with respect and he could act any way he wanted. After over 50 years of abuse, I stood up to him. Is that okay?
Mama’s boy
@@caroleminke6116 what a childish, dumb comment.
I had one boundary with my narc parents: No negative comments related to me. They are so damaged that they can’t do it and then lash out. Pathetic. So we are no contact. Oh well, I’ve given them plenty of chances after all the abuse.
If you tell a narcissist that you don’t like something, they will make sure they do it.
aint that the truth. Weaponized politics, predicated on intimidation- fear. these people cant see for looking, its about glossing over the previous shame, on to the next supply!
@@herbgarden496 I think that’s why some of us have such an uncomfortable relationship with boundary setting. It’s easier to go through life with the theory they simply have no self-awareness. But once they’ve been informed of the boundary and repeatedly cross it, seeing how intentional their actions are feels way more violating. Deciding whether or not to make our boundaries known, especially among family members, is a delicate dance and one in which I am still quite clumsy.
Unhealthy people always accuse you of something when you set boundaries THEY don’t like. When people do that it’s time to either drastically limit time with them or go No Contact.
I’ve been called selfish many times for engaging in basic hygiene routines &’ saying No when I don’t want to or can’t do something and for needing time alone. If being “selfish” means prioritizing my needs cause nobody else will, I’ll take it. At this point narcissists will throw whatever bait sticks at you, but luckily you’re not a fish. Don’t take the bait y’all, peace & love
I have this thing lately when I feel like I didn’t know how to communicate my trauma or my family history so people treated me badly. For example they might invite me to Christmas dinner but because I decline to go they think I’m a snob. When reall it’s because it’s too painful. Story of my life.
I’m going through this with a friend right now. She often leaves me hanging for days and cancels last minute on plans with lame excuses. Tired of it. Going ahead and doing what’s best for me, not waiting for her anymore. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Boundaries are so much harder when you 1)don’t know yourself and what you need or want 2) are stuck in fawn/freeze response.
Learning! Growing.
I am watching this video now! I have been watching your videos and finally realized I was a victim of Narcissistic Abuse. It was an awful, scary childhood, and I am still scared of my Mother. This has opened my eyes to understanding what I had to deal with. My Mom has went as far as saying to me as a child, I will kill you, I brought you into this world and can take you out and I believed her. It was so scary every day walking on egg shells. Nothing I did was good enough ever. I am now looking into therapy for self repair. I am 47 years old and finally have found the root of my pain. Thank you for all of your videos. I fear for any child having to live in the same house with a Narcissistic abusive parent. The abuse was so brutal. Emotional, mental and some physical abuse it was awful.
Thank you. ✨❤️🕊❤️✨
I’ve found myself saying “You need to draw boundaries” and now understand a little better why it’s not just that easy for everyone. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Dr Ramani, you are seriously my second therapist. I feel so VALIDATED listening to you. Thank you times a million!
I had to calmly set boundaries over and over with an elderly woman who has complete learned helplessness. She’s a total hangerson and lives in her RV. I have huge amounts of things I have to get done and she would outright ignore what I told her to do and not do in my home. I finally yelled at her LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! And she left. Haven’t heard from her and I’m so glad.
There’s a huge difference between SELFISHNESS and SELF-PROTECTION. Keep that in mind whenever you feel guilt over ANYTHING you MUST do to survive and protect yourself in a narcissistic relationship.
Peace, strength and growth to all. ❤
The exception is when the boundary setting is less about self protection and more about punishing and controlling the other person