Can You Spot A Man (over 40) Who Will Betray You?

@WalksfortheSoul77 says:

He told you he doesn’t want to see you anymore, but then 45 days later reaches out and says he doesn’t remember saying that. My first thought was gaslighting attempt from a narcissist. My sociopathic ex/covert narc began contacting me during the day saying he wanted to get together that night (this was about 4-5 months into the relationship), but then he would just ghost me until late that night when he’d text me as if we had never made plans to go out. Something he hadn’t done in the beginning. When I finally saw him again and brought up how it bothered me, he said he had memory problems. (He was 31 years old and no signs of dementia before that.) So my alarm bells should have been going off then because I KNEW he was lying, but I let it slide. Even though lying is a huge red flag as it shows a lack of character.

And yes, I’m here watching this video because he cheated on me starting around month 7 or 8 and I’d like to avoid that scenario again. It turns out that little white lie about memory problems was soooo the tip of the iceberg. The massive, blatant, pathological lying I found out about after he cheated and went far beyond the cheating scenario. Everything about him was a lie.

Big hug to the person who asked that question. He ghosted you and then wanted to see if you’d accept his flimsy, gaslighting b.s. and take him back. Well you know my answer lol. I learned the hardest way possible. To be fair, to me, and anyone who is confused by these people, my ex had also convinced my family and many people in the community that he was “an angel” as my aunt once called him. Edit: By the way, this guy I mentioned was severely abused and abandoned as a child. That is partly why I let him get away with things I normally wouldn’t. My pity for him and the trauma he endured made me excuse behavior thinking he just needed more love. He knew this. He knew my compassion would give him a very long rope.

@WalksfortheSoul77 says:

I have to admit hearing the story you relayed to us in the beginning felt like a gut punch as it brought up my own memories from a relationship that ended 6 months ago. I am much better now than I was, but I used to trust people on the whole and took pride in my ability to spot the players and disrespectful ones. I don’t know that I can trust again. I mean probably, maybe, but I’m on board with the interrogating phase you talked about. If they can’t handle some questions they aren’t dating material, much less partnership that I’m desiring. I’m probably coming off as a ball breaker here, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Jaded from dating a snake though, well yes.

@WalksfortheSoul77 says:

Who are these women who think men are supposed to wine and dine them?? I’m 52 years old and never had these kinds of expectations. Maybe I should have lol. I’d have more money in the bank. To be fair most women do spend a LOT more money than men on makeup, hair cuts and coloring, a variety of clothes, good conditioners, and all the other stuff from vitamins, beauty lotions and potions that cost a lot of freakin money out here. And I shop at Sally Beauty Supply, not Nordstroms okay.

I love your rants Jonathon. You give me hope that there are emotionally mature, intelligent, and very alive 40 plus men out there. I had given up on men my age who seemed half dead, listening to the same old music, lacking passion for life, but had plenty of anger. But most of all just missing the communication skills to have funny, interesting, and deep conversations. Okay… going to reach out to someone in next 2 days and give the support that others have given me through rough times. 🙂

@ginam.4990 says:

Is this guy with the woman he was cheating on your friend with?