Did you LOSE TRACK of YOUR VALUES in a narcissistic relationship?
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Becoming a convenient liar is mine.
To survive and not argue I lie.
I had to tell a lie to literally save a life and it still bothers me. I hate it. I hate what they do to people.
Oh boy.. I did.. at risk of my life, and lost my “miracle fetus”. My family of origin already had their Golden child,. So couldn’t bother with helping me out of abusive ( familiar relationship ) narcissistic marriage. I almost died. My only chance of being a mother died. Now I’ve become a disabled introvert who doesn’t want to risk that pain again.
I’m SO sorry.
I was taught from birth to not have values, boundaries or emotions.
Learning all of that now.
I have never heard of anyone nit being raised with no values ever. Certainly you went to school and learned something. Or you didn’t have any parents or the ones you did have were useless. Some how through l8fe you learn something 😮
This woman was exactly me
I can relate, paying my black tax and extended black relative tax, felt like digging a scab and as months become years, you can see and are aware that you are responsible for it not healing , it feels impossible to stop peeling and digging it, you realize that you can no longer feel anything but the pain. You have completely lost all reasoning for why you began doing this but you feel like it’s what you were taught to do, you don’t know anything else. So you have a man that has destroyed and altered your sense of self, but now you are still chained to the cancer you can never divorce yourself from ( your own family), it’s so crushing looking back at the financial abuse and lack of appreciation.
Turned the other way around here. Usually it’s on not being financially dependent on the narcissist. Which I was. And screwed over. To giving to much , to a bottom less pit. The narcissist sees your purse as theirs too.
Lol….when my husband (I was planning on leaving) wanted me to invest my inheritance in more education for him at 54, I told him to PROVE what kind of ROI I would get that investment. He got mad & obviously refused to do it. He didn’t get a cent & I moved far away across the country
Thank you for sharing, not only a shocking story but one to be aware of. They sucked her dry financially and did not care, another life destroyed by narcissists.
The difficult part is to keep our values while being hurt. Our values are deeply tested and strained and keeping our sanity is enough.
These grifter family member were MADE by the Mother and Aunt who enabled them. I will never forget after having sent money monthly to my Mother for years, even at the expense of my own needs, I finally had to tell my Mom I could no longer give her that income. I gave her a few months to be able to adjust. I then received a call from my golden child narc older brother, who had not provided a dime for my Mom, screaming at me that I was a selfish piece of work and how dare I put our Mother in that position. I told him that if he was so concerned he could provide for her, since he had a good job and income. Of course he said that it was not feasible for him, lol. As Dr. Ramani says, there is no winning with narcissists.
Sounds like my narc brother..almost exactly..
This is one of my deepest regrets as a former victim of narcissistic abuse. Especially since it affected my children.
Stories are so Powerful. It’s when you know it’s important to you to take care of them, and also know that taking care of them would be your undoing.
Exactly
Wow…thank you yes I have very similar dilemma …have funded my adult covert narc son for years…and now at 70 realize it will never end…and in order to insure my own financial future I can no longer let him drain me…it goes against everything but my self preservation is kicking in…after all I have learned here…this one really helps as..its true the only one I can actually save is myself and yes learned from Narc FOO that’s selfish…had to face that paradox and deep feelings of I’m the bad one for letting go when in fact he has drained others and will never take responsibility …thank you for sharing this- it helps to realize others who have done the right thing all along still have that moment of having to let go and realize its not us its them
This struck home for me today, thank you. My values were to grow old together with my partner and support each other in all ways. I had to come to the realization that these values were not in alignment with his and I couldn’t stay any longer, because I couldn’t afford emotionally or financially to stay. It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do. In the end I will struggle immensely, but nowhere near what he could possibly place upon me.
I had to re-evaluate my values (and morals) when I no longer recognized myself in the relationship.
Same here!
Yes. I think this comment describes most of us here: We didn’t know much about this narcissistic behavior until we came to this channel and others like it. If I had known a few years back, I could have escaped. Unfortunately, for those 70+, health issues prevent us from a full break. And then add to that, like the story Dr. R. tells, financial issues and other narcissistic family members make it impossible for me. A flood took my home. The lawyers just laughed and told me that when I my husband and I pay off the mortgage of a house we can’t sell, I can get a divorce. I love Dr. R. for supporting those who live daily with this!
This story rang a bell for me. Here:
Me: I’ve suffered a stroke.
Narc: That’s a shame. Sorry to hear it.
Two years later, without another word, until:
Narc: Send us money!
I so needed this video. I walked away from my two daughters who were in their mid to late 50s. One of them moved out of state, but still expected me to drive to her to take her to recurring doctor appointments. I told her she would have to find a doctor closer to her when she moved, but she didn’t. When I walked away, I felt guilt because my values were challenged. Now, I see that thinking about myself first will always be an issue for my daughters. However, I no longer want to be abused.
Thank you so much for talking about this Dr. Ramani. I won’t go into detail, except to say I can empathize with your friend’s dilemma. Narcissistic relationships are like war though, you want to be able to “play soccer on no man’s land on Christmas day” but you know that you’re liable to get shot. You want to be kind, and generous, but you know you’re simply going to be taken advantage of because you can see the values that you live by aren’t being lived by those you’d like to help. You have to “come out and be separate” sometimes -to save yourself. It reminds me of the Opossum, who often wind up having to gnaw their leg off to get free of the jaws of the Gin-trap. *You don’t have to go to dinner if you’re on the menu.*
This happens to so many caring people. Narcissists are disgusting.
I did above and beyond for the narcissists and toxic people that were in my life, but when I needed help where were they? Tumbleweeds. Don’t sacrifice yourself for people that won’t lift a finger for you.
Some people were so upset because I didn’t struggle like they did. I relied on my principles and morals and that has always kept me safe and blessed. Trying to play hero was wasting my life away. Now I focus on saving myself and only do what I can. Guilt is heavy but living for others was not working for me.