Did you split yourself to love the narcissist?
Ever feel like you were in a relationship with two different people—the fun, loving one and the cold, cruel one? That confusion isn’t your fault; it’s a survival strategy. In narcissistic relationships, we split them in our minds just to stay—and in doing so, we split ourselves. This video unpacks the cost of that fragmentation, and why seeing them clearly might be your first step toward finally becoming whole.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
LISTEN TO MY PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
When fragment self is normalized it’s time to embrace the work of change for oneself.
Dr Ramani always on point. You’re healing the world m’am.
Every now and then I come back to these videos just to let people know that it does get better, you will heal and you will move on. Stay strong folks and you’ll get there.
Emotionally yes, I was able to escape and have been free for 1 year 3 months now but unfortunately I’m still dealing with the financial fallout my psycho narcissist inflicted on both of us by causing an eviction under both our names. Sure I won’t get to live on my own for a long while but I would much prefer this than still being mentally tortured everyday by someone that isn’t stable enough. It does get better emotionally but YMMV.
Wow you hit the nail on the head on this one!!! Thank you!
It’s the ‘curse’ of an empathetic person. They forgive easily, let go, overlook, give 48 chances, fear asserting themselves (often for good reason), get used to abuse.
It’s also what society forces on us, being shamed and pressured to forgive and be the bigger person. So tired of it. Learning to accept that people may think I’m the bad guy for keeping healthy boundaries, I just don’t care anymore. I know the truth and I matter too. ❤
Sums it up well.
I’ve given up on relationships. And relationships have given up me. The feeling of belonging is long gone. Trust is gone. Belief is gone. Things are what they are.
I am 68 now and have had the same emotion. But I have learned to invest in myself. I am lonely but! I have myself now! I paint, walk my neighbourhood, write letters. Paint rocks to place outside , sew quilts for charity and forced myself to work part time. A woman of substance I have become. I have something to say over the breakfast table And dinner table now !
‘You can’t be YOU in it.’ ❤
What make a narcissistic relationship so dysfunctional and mentally draining isn’t the non-stop verbal, physical and emotional abuse but when they love you one minute and then want to kill you the next. Worse, when you know they are being purposeful and even intentional about it when enablers gaslit you and tell you they don’t mean any harm.
Or go along with it because they are TERRIFIED as well!
Odd. I had a nightmare last night that I was with one of my narcissists from the old days. She was in some sort of trouble and I was supposed to help her, though I knew any help I gave would just be me being used. I kept trying to explain to her why I had to get away from her, but I couldn’t quite find the words. I woke up feeling sad because in reality I did have to cut her out of my life to protect myself. She has since passed away and so that part of my life is over, except, of course, for the scars and the memories.
@@TorgerVedeler yeah bro same I get nightmares of situations that are happening decades ago where I’m just being manipulated towards some big help I need to give and I’m just not able to find the words to say no
You can’t save them from Hell.
It’s unbelievable how many pieces there are to the narcissistic puzzle. 🤯Thank you for providing another one.
I would have gone to the ends of the earth to be there for “the good them.” I tried to understand and rescue and repair the “bad them.” I excused inexcusable behavior. I wrote it off or tried to mend things to get back to “the good them.” I totally lost myself along the way.
the song “Two Of Me, Two Of You” by Jackson Browne encapsulated this for me one day and I figured out to leave not long after…me and the fool I’ve been – and the two of you…
Came across a photograph of myself from the days when I was still trapped. I looked so sad and empty, so shrunken and without light, it brought tears to my eyes. I had become a shadow of myself. After 17 years, I can look at her (my younger self) with compassion and forgiveness, but the lost time, it is still hard to accept.
I feel for this. I’m in the slow process of letting go. But my better years are past me. I’ve accepted and am sad that I may not date or find love again.
This is interesting. I sometimes catch video of me now and see I have sort of a “pained resting face.” My natural expression is somewhat wincing. I don’t believe I looked that way before this relationship. The toll of a ten-year relationship as described in this video has been deeply felt. Hope you are doing well now. Here is to our mutual recovery!
I have felt the same way. I take comfort in Joel 2:25, which promises that God will give back the years the locusts have eaten and also Genesis 50:20, which says that all that was meant for evil, God meant for good. I hope that these scriptures can bring you as much comfort as they have brought to me.
This is the most difficult especially when you love them and they’re your parent. I try to protect myself and then there’s a memory of a good moment
I’m right there with you. I’ve dealt with many narcissistic people in my life. Leaving them behind was extremely hard for me. Now that my parents are getting older, I’m seeing SOOOO many narcissistic tendencies and patterns in them. Especially my mom. I knew when I was growing up that there was something not quite right with her. I knew she loved me, but some parts of my childhood were hell for me. Now that I’m older, and I’m really seeing them for who and what they are, it sucks to be honest. I’ve been trying to keep my distance as much as possible so that I can hold onto my sanity and not ruin my future. And then a good memory will pop into my head, and I’ll start feeling guilty and like I’m a horrible person. Having a parent like this is horrible, because we love them, but we still have to find a way to protect ourselves.
@@jennaywar85 were they truly abusive though? Parts of Childhood is hell for most children, sometimes a hell of our own making.
@@HDVMB Not physically abusive. But my childhood and teenage years was definitely not like my friends. That was the only comparison I could make of it. I suffered severe depression and anxiety from the age of 12. Developed anorexia at 12 due to my mom’s comments about my weight. There was definitely mental and emotional abuse, which had a major negative impact on my life. My mom was very controlling. Way above what would be considered normal. I was accused of all kinds of horrible things that I wasn’t doing. I was expected to be perfect in every way, and any screw up or deviance from what she wanted meant there would be hell to pay. It WAS NOT normal or healthy at all. There were good times, of course, but alot of the time, I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. I wasn’t a bad kid. I was quiet, respectful, made excellent grades- yet nothing seemed to be good enough.
no contact for almost a year, sometimes feels good, sometimes feel sad and angry(for the cheating and betrayal), keep move on
I think this may be the most valuable talk for truly understanding not only the dynamics but the path to survival.
It actually makes me feel sick to finally understand the decades of my origin family and the marriage I left. Very hard to forgive and find a way to live with it
Thankyou.
I absolutely know how this feels. I remember when I was being abused by my ex husband I would think to myself “I wish the other version of you would come save me from this person… he wouldn’t let you talk to me, or treat me like this.” 😢
In a past video Dr Ramani described how an authentic person responds to a narcissist (hint: indifference). That video and this one have a tone that is so regulating, the message really gets through. It’s like a guided meditation. Thank you, Dr Ramani.
I finally get to the point that I tell myself I deserve better. 18 years of marriage, and I feel like I don’t even know this man yet. Constant abuse, disrespect, sex denial, manipulation, and gaslight. He had damaged me to the point of becoming addicted to weed just because he wanted me to be on the same boat with him. I don’t know how to leave with 3 kids yet, but I’m glad I’m finally awakened and know that nothing I do for him will ever make him change. I choose joy, I choose, I choose happiness, I deserve better. My only regret will be….I should’ve left him long ago, even though I’m having financial issues now, I trust the universe on this, that I will never regret I left