Do you SMILE through the pain of a narcissistic relationship?
Today, let's dive into why so many of us in toxic and narcissistic relationships find ourselves saying "Everything is fine" when it’s really not. We’ll talk about how this habit of pretending can make you feel even more alone and ashamed, and how it keeps you from getting the support you truly need.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
A lot of ppl are like narcs. They need you to mirror the reality they’d like to believe.
Indeed!
I try to appear unbothered as much as possible when I actually appear distant and numb. I dont want to burden others while appearing normal. Even though Im out and away from the Nacrs, its a battle of thoughts from the past. I wish others much relief and healing from these bad chronic bothersome and anxiety of the future and thoughts from the past.❤❤❤
Always. Then when things go too far, they don’t believe you when you’ve finally had enough and tell them what’s really been going on. Here’s how it goes, “Oh come on, why would that person do that to you? What did you do to make them hit you or what did you say to make them be nasty like that?”
Absolutely. Or why didn’t you say something earlier. 😮
Yeah seriously.. That’s the script !!
I have learned to only share with my special friends who know what this type of abuse is. I have pulled away from my family because all they can see is that my ex has money and AT LEAST he takes care of his kids. They know nothing about the cost.
I heard a really crusty older guy once say “I don’t tell anyone my problems. 90% of people don’t care anyway, and the other 10% are actually glad you’ve got them.”
I have grown to see that in many ways, he is right.
Don’t tell anyone your problems 80% don’t care and the other 20% who are narcissists are happy you have them!
80% are narcissists and 20% dont care…
since most people don’t understand narcissism, they think you are the problem. it truly feels like you’re living in the twilight zone with them, on top of what you’re going thru with the narc.
most people don’t care to learn or understand something unless they went thru it or it affects them directly. 100% of my self-improvement and learning about narcs came thru watching youtube videos, online communities and reading books.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Accurate! (I too, am from Ontario)
@@Floridafanatic28I am from Ontario as well. Irrelevant to the topic but feels good seeing a comment from someone around.
No words can explain what we sometimes feel. And explaining to someone who had never experienced this type of abuse, often does not make sense. Sadly.
@@Floridafanatic28 a friendly canadian hello to you too. happy labor day.
-cheers, steven
Right
“If I answer any question honestly, other people will pick up on it and use it to prey on me” … That’s what it felt like at home anyway.
Yes, as I’m not a miserable person by nature and I like to smile when I’m around others, as it makes me feel normal, if that makes sense? When I meet strangers, I always tend to have an intelligent conversation for once, without being invalidated, interrupted and shouted at. Being married to a covert narc is a very lonely, isolating experience. The only downside when putting on a cheerful exterior is that other people, usually family, never truly understand the severity or effects that the narc abuse is having on me. We are supposed to be miserable or crying all the time, either that or we are meant to fall flat on our faces, so that someone might then just ‘get it’, but as victims, we have had to build strength and resilience over a long period, so we prefer not to show our vulnerable side too much. Strange, when we do get annoyed or defensive though, we are blamed and the empathy goes towards the narc, yet being defensive is an emotional scar from the abuse…..we can’t win 😔
My go to is “The struggle is real. You know what I mean?” It feels closer to the truth but not too heavy.
My friends and family know how I’m doing. 💖🙏🏼💖 With my work I see clients everyday and they all ask how I am ~ my go to is “Living the Dream everyday” ~ helps keep me mentally motivated
haha mine is “The horrors persist, but so do I” or the good old “still alive”
“If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”. 😂
🤣🤣
I moved half way around the world to not have to deal with an abusive narcissist.
I’m so grateful for your videos. You really hit the nail on the head with this one. As it turns out, most people really don’t want to hear about how you’re really doing. It makes me sad about the state of humanity.
Of course. Nobody wants to hear your problems. They have their own. Idk why we greet people with “How are you?” because nobody wants to know the honest answer.
And after they ask you, they don’t stick around for you to tell them!
@@pamelastewart7128 There are people I ask how they are, and they go into a long monologue of all their problems like I have all day to listen. And never once ask how I am.
@@pamelastewart7128hahaha
@@TawnyC_u asked a narc sis..
@@shreyaindia4024 They’re everywhere lol
I have this wall with my family. It’s been there since about 1986. Because I watched them melting down and pretending nothing was wrong. I’ve watched decades of them pretending, then pointing fingers at each other, and only one of them talks to me without gaslighting me about what’s really going on. Oh well, at least there’s one. It’s fine.
Neither the smiles nor the eyes can hide the ultimate truth of despair, fear, disappointment, sorrow that exists in any humiliating relationship with a narcissistic person.
I have totally hid and isolated rather than be honest with people. I am honest now within reason depending on the person, otherwise I keep my healthy boundaries with it for my well being. I can’t stand the fake positivity that some coaches push. Just because I’m hurting doesn’t mean I’m not positive or grateful. It means I’m human. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! – I remember every single day my mom would pick me up from school suuuuper late (like the sun going down, usually the last one, teachers had left) when I was like 8 or 9 in elementary school and she would always ask me “How are you”? seriously? I learned to just say “Fine” bc it was worse to tell her the truth – that I was sad, mad, hurt, hungry, cold, scared, worried, disappointed, felt unloved, felt uncared for, felt unwanted, school sucked, I hated my life, wished I was dead, etc…
Oh you dear. Breaks my heart to hear you suffered through that.
My default response to “How are you doing?” was always just a reflexive “I’m hanging in there.” and I honestly don’t know why I said it. I have zero social support, no one would believe my ex was capable of any of the covert abuse anyway.
Thank you! Yes!! All the time. It’s the How are you? from people who’ve said several times they want to be there for me, but then are just dismissive or upset when I tell the truth. I don’t lie anymore, I give non answers (“oh, ya know”, or. “I’m doing what I can” , or “trying to make it work” ). If they really want to know they will ask follow up, and even then I’ve had so many folks get annoyed and spew toxic positivity,”well, at least… ” 😢
“Only small number of folks who can hear ‘not so good’ with open heart.” I agree! Sending hugs to you Dr. Ramani and hugs to you all who is in and who survived the narcissistic relationship 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂