Dr. Ramani Reveals How Narcissists Know You Know
Dr. Ramani reveals what happens when narcissists know you see through their manipulation. Learn how narcissists react when they realize you're aware of their tactics and gain strategies to handle these moments effectively. Discover how to maintain control and protect yourself in toxic relationships.
ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts:
Spotify:
Stitcher:
iHeart Radio:
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Simple. No contact. My life has never been better.
True….unfortunately they turn into stalkers. Be careful my friends.
It’s the best option.
@kiran menon it’s TRAUMA bonding and cognitive dissonance…it does get better but you have to know what your up against…my soon to be ex swears I’m the narcasist..yet I didn’t abuse, cheat, lie or neglect him. Progress not perfection…I’m working on new beginnings and being a better person…he never will!
@kiran menon i understand…its the trauma bonding and cognitive dissidence that leaves us connected…its a recovering process that worse than any drug….they nave memories but when you look back all they remember is what mattered to them…mine can’t remember or see anything good about me although I supported him financially, emotionally and physically…..just the fact you are researching all of this means you are healing…I bounce from different levels of recovery from day to day…some days anger, some days forgiveness, but the key is to keep moving forward…everything happens is from god or is meant to happen….I choice to let all the abuse not bring me down but to encourage me to be a better person…progress not perfection…hang in there….it was from god that I was financially able to get out…..god was doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself….hang in there my friend
@kiran menon sorry I was responding to another post….im not a professional only a survivor of two narcissistic marriages…your counselor probably has better answers than I do, but sexual abuse is a common trait that they use against us to keep us connected…mine was/is addicted to sex,porn, sexting and cheating….its something that he has to work on….marraiges are far more than sex, yes it important and if your needs are not getting met mutually then only you can move on, you are not responsible for her reactions to you….
The narcissist not noticing your needs, but noticing a shift in narcissistic supply is a revelation. It’s so true.
OMG YES!!!!
@@chriswyma145 Yep. Going through this RIGHT NOW. Step one was to stop trying to argue or defend… it became more and more apparent that the arguments had absolutely nothing to do with what she attacks me about, but were just to start a conflict. When I stopped arguing the attacks became more frequent and hostile. And more ridiculously petty, sometimes even comical. Yesterday it was over me opening a window to let beautiful clean spring air into the house. How could I possibly be so stupid and insensitive? 🙂
Now when she gets in my face with some inane complaint rather than defending myself – which is exactly what she wants – I wait till she gets close (she always closes in as she spins herself up) and concentrate on looking right into her eyes to see how large her pupils become. I have noticed that the more enraged she becomes, the larger they get. I use that distraction to maintain my own detachment, then either formulate a brief disengagement statement to create a pause in her attack and walk away, or if I have to, just walk away without saying anything. Lately I have made a game of creating my own ‘word salad’ to feed her to disrupt her for a second and leave. It’s a lot like yelling at an aggressive dog to stop him in his tracks. It works briefly.
For a long time I thought not defending myself and walking away was ‘letting her win’. In fact just the opposite is true, as borne out by her increasing irritation since I learned how to do this. There really is no winning, not for her or me. Only surviving and distancing. Maybe she’ll accept help one day but I really doubt it. I gave up on trying to convince her.
when i started stonewalling my narcissist he would complain to other people that i operated on “attention currency.” like what. way to project.
@@bunz6268 Way. To. Project. For them, I mean. Wow.
It was for me too 🤦♀️
“They know they are lying. We know they are lying. They know we know they are lying. We know that they know that we know that they are lying. And yet they continue to lie.”
Utter craziness but so true.
It’s like: chill, let’s just pretend things are like this. I’ll pretend my lies are reality and you just do the same. Do not insist.
There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we
do not know. But there are also unkown unknowns. The ones we don’t know, we don’t know. – Donald Rumsfield
Like permanent 5 year olds.
@@KO-lq1yo looking forward to it.
Yep, and if they can’t control you, they’ll try to control how other people see you.
This explains what my child’s teacher is doing, thank you
日本人ですか？🙂
… That is why they listen!
so true like jerry wise did to me when I reached out to this person for help
facts
The key to removing a narcissist from your life is making them think it was their idea.
Sadly doesn’t work in every case…
Until they figure out what you did there…then no contact is very crucial coz they will be coming with hell fire behind them to “win” it’s saddening. Let’s just hope they never find out.
I just did that. He (a guy that I’ve had NO contact with for 40+ years!) sent me a ‘friend request.’ Short story shorter: he sent a message that I’m a moron, a fool, and I should “…go get polio…bye bye.” I think he was drunk from the # of incomplete or misspelled words. My reply: “lovely” That was easy. I only wish I had included the # of the local AA house.
Lol
wow, so true. that’s what happened to me, and it seemed to work.
When a narcissist says you’re being cold when you ignore their bullying 😂
So true,
That made me lol 🤣😂 oh my gosh that’s true.
Or when they tell you that you’re lying because you always look at them when you’re talking and they are talking 😂😂😂
OMG, that happened to me and I even apologized for having been “cold”.. bcuz back then I didn’t know narcissim exists. So glad I dropped her now.
Yeah I know
A narcissist will lie even when they don’t need to; as though they are just practicing their craft.
Yes! ….that’s what they do and its Pathetic
Or they’ve just come to the point where they can’t tell the truth.
I felt that…
Whether they lie, tell the truth or give an excuse,, they’re practicing their craft.
They’re always practicing their craft .,, they feel good at it,, or better yet they feel the best at it
Yessss…Lying for random inconsequential things ….made zero sense. Obsessive habit of lying and hiding any and everything. Like keys and papers and virtually anything. I’m think they are scared insecure morons actually. I almost went insane
So true and funny 😅
When they say “I never said that”😂 yes you did
“That didn’t happen the way you’re saying it!” Yes, it did
Or they make up a lie about something they claim you did but you really didn’t, and when you ask them for an example, they can’t even give an answer to their own lies cuz they KNOW they’re lying 🙄
💣💣💣 YESSSSS! the one I knew said she’d never work at my place of employment because it didn’t pay enough. Month’s later she was working there. I mentioned to her that she said she’d never work here ,she said ” I never said that” I let her know that she absolutely said that.
Or the opposite “I’ve already told you that” – no you didn’t. That’s why they don’t like it when you take notes or diarize something. Because then you know for a fact if and what they’ve already told you.
Addition: And when you get your notes out and say: See it was that, they say “it doesn’t matter now … [changing the topic]”, even though they made a big fuss about it some seconds ago. Then you know, you caught them in a lie.
oh gosh,I KNOW!!!
This women is doing the Lords work
Is he too busy to do it himself?
Does he not use people as vessels?
@@dferg6339 Why? He could do much better. In fact he could stop narcissistic people from even being there.
There are a lot of things the Lord can do to protect people, but bad things still happen to people all the time, also why would he not use people to do his work? How do you know he is strategically using other human beings to help one another? 🤷♀️
@@dferg6339 Maybe he’s not doing anything, maybe he’s not really there. Who would notice the difference?
My dad is the narcissist in my life… He recently realized “I know”.. He asked me have I ever considered talking to a therapist then proceeded to make me an appt with one he knew personally.. He paid for it so I agreed and went… Within 5 min of the session I said “I really don’t need to be here, my dad should be in this chair..” and the therapist said, “I know.”….
😂😂That clever on your part.
LOOOL. I needed this. Thank you
I think your dad may be watching this. 😅
@@PS-nv2qpRiiiiigggghhhht. So its definitely not YOU…..
@@velveetaslingshot that’s the point – it could be me, could be you
True Narssasists never admit they are wrong…or make people uncomfortable…they believe they are justified because they are always right and you are a lesser being than them.
I’m better than him .
True…They are superior to all.
Run away from the Evil, Shut all the contact….Surprise them with your Silence.
Abondon them as soon as possible for your own Health!!
I had a lodger like this. She constantly lied to me and the other lodger. She would do sneaky things out of retaliation to me behind my back. So I would be thinking it was her but I couldn’t prove it was because it was always when I was out, not in the home.
She would constantly tell me her sob story expecting me to just feel sorry for her. And then pretend to be nice to me other times. She thought she was buying her immunity to not get kicked out and that she was more self entitled now to act how she wants and disrespect me and all the house rules.
Then when caught out on anything she would lie, deflect and eventually blamed me.
The day she blamed me, insulted me and shouted at me in my own home in front of my family member, I told her to leave immediately.
Of course consequences to this. She came back with rage to collect her stuff by getting her angry spiteful friend to shout in my face. They left rubbish and didn’t clear up and ruined an important meeting I was having on my phone before that.
Truly disgusting and self entitled people.
I’m so glad I spotted this fake and toxic piece of slime before getting into deep and letting her stay longer.
She banged on door after to ask for the rest of the terns money back. Even though she had damaged property on purpose and I hadn’t asked for a deposit in the beginning.
So I told her ‘I don’t owe you anything! If you come near my house I’ll call someone’ And haven’t spoken to her since.
I’m so glad that she will be without a home for the next few months while she is trying to find a place to live.
I wouldn’t usually if it was anyone else. But she really was something else! 😅
In all honesty, I hope she learns something from this experience so that she doesn’t do this to someone else again.
Good God yes
That part
I felt I was dying with her at the end I had to disappear for good to save myself
BINGO! Someone give this guy a prize!
Complete distance in every and all aspects, is the best medicine when dealing with a narcissist. I advocate three distances to completely break away. Physical distance is the start of the healing process, with out it you will continue to be abuse and traumatized. Psychological distance is where you stop behaving like you were, in the battle of a life, with the narcissist (there’s a lot of damage to unpack sometimes). Lastly mental distance which is where you stop thinking about the narcissist’s arguments, embarrassing situations, the things you hated about them, how what they did was so wrong, etc. Once you have all those distances going, then you are truly free and will never go back again!
As long as you give them worship, they love you, or pretend to. The moment we stop, they become angry but pass it off with silence and bouts of pouting, or talking nasty about us to others. No more. I have firewalls that are NEVER coming down. The moment we set boundaries- we HEAL. ❤
SO ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Suddenly teh day I decided not to endlessly ruminate on how to fix the relationship was the same day I felt so much happier about myself and my life.
Yeap , the pouting is like why , why pouting. He could care less how I feel
bro that is exacly how i feel abt them , same thing i’ve experienced
Yessssssssss.
The eye rolling too, grown men…30 to 40.
“They may leave and run away because your presence is too shame inducing for them” hit me right in the stomach.
Same😢
No they run because they know they’re caught and they can’t compell bad behavior from you that makes you look bad and them look like a victim
He now hides his face most of the time when I come in contact with him. Sad beings they are.
Yes! I looked at my bf’s phone and found out he went to another state at 4am and never mentioned. Once I questioned him about it he moved out and started living at a hotel. He refused to discuss it. He ran and hid like a little “B”.
@@raminrouchi202 I think it’s a little of both.
A narcissist hates an empath, they prey on us until we see right through them and then they gaslight you, continue to lie and everything pretty much intensifies at that point and they won’t stop until they’ve lost all control and gone off the rails🙄ugh energy vampires
*you’ve got that right*
My most recent experience with my dad, I thought I was going to have a stroke riding with him. He wouldn’t say a word and he put off this demonic energy that was strangling/suffocating me.
He’s got *everybody fooled* , but God made me empathic for many reasons.
@@Colt8722 🥺😩sorry about that I understood everything you said and it’s draining, even without saying a word the energy is just too intense
@@hdp8889 yes!
I’m about to be 37
Started off life looking at him as my hero but then it began to gradually click throughout adulthood.
I remember when I was about 19 I had a doctor — who my mom and dad had decided they were going to fire and replace — his last words that he said to me were *GET AWAY FROM THEM! Get AWAY from them!!*
And he then fled.
It did not hit me at the time
They’re drawn to us. Because we give and give and give, we are excellent victims to feed from. (Though I don’t believe I am a true empath. I’ve just had enough trauma that I’m hyper aware of shifts in tone and expression.
Wow I am the empath my roommate is the narcissist. She deflects like nobody I have ever seen. Lies to just lie. And gaslights constantly. But she sucks at it because i don’t play into that crap. We are good as long as i don’t hang around her area of the house to much
Once they know you know… be very aware and careful! It can be a dangerous time.
the narc at that time was in a work situation outside the US. I told my sister in a phone call that if something happened to me, it probably was not an accident. Not that I thought the narc herself would do anything — she wouldn’t get her hands dirty and was good at getting others to do her dirty work – but she had money to easily buy someone to do it and make it look like an accident. She was completely capable of it. And she used her piety as a mask. She was evil.
Yes!!! It was scary 😨
Very true!! 😢
Yeah….for THEM
It is.
I literally told my narcissist to stop manipulating in gaslighting me. He stepped out of the car in the middle of traffic, and I haven’t heard from him since.
💪💪🌞🌞
Consider yourself lucky AND Blessed!!
🎉👏🏽🥳🎊
Did he die?
@@serenaann1711 no
Wooooooww!!😮
A Narcissist losing their supply is like an addict in withdrawal. They will retaliate cause their drug source is gone.
Wow 😮
One of the many drug sources are gone. Me.
Yup
Best description for this serious mental illness
But is there not a way to get away without retaliation? There has to be
The worst is when its a parent
Or a child.
or neighbour
Mother, sister, and brother. I’m done.
@@berealrb1496 I’m so sorry. That’s incredibly hard. They can break your heart and put a serious drain on your soul until you go complete NC, then heal.
Mother is worst
My Experience taught me –
1. Stay Calm and Detached: When engaging in conversations, especially during conflicts, remain calm and emotionally detached.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your own mental and emotional health.
3. Avoid Emotional Traps: Covert narcissists often use guilt, manipulation, and passive-aggressive behavior. Recognize these tactics and avoid getting drawn into emotional traps.
4. Limit Personal Disclosure: Be cautious about sharing personal information that could be used against you. Keep certain aspects of your life private.
Agree. I have this toxic relationship for 16years now, and counting.
This is so relatable, especially number 3! I have a narcissistic friend who I am trying to distance myself from and whenever I pull away she uses hoovering tactics, manipulation and guilt tripping to reel me back in. I see what she’s doing and I will not fall for it again!