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Andrew McLaurin
A narcissistic parent is the most inexplicable, emotionally debilitating way to be forced to live. Thankful that in my 50’s, I finally found the answers. As an only child, I always thought it was ME who had the problem. Such a relief to know it’s not me. Thanks for the channel. You’re spot on with every, single video.
Thank you for this Valerie, same experience for me. Was oblivious until I stumbled into info on narcissism in my early 50’s. I bought into the scapegoat narrative, that I was the problem and the narcissists were normal. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for this video, in which I instantly recognized my direct supervisor at work. At first I thought he was stressed but now I see he’s low key malevolent with potential to provoke quite a damage. If you could do a video for narcissism at workplace it would be super helpful. Thank you once more for your educational content.
Man. It must have been brutal being an only child in that situation. I’m sorry. Glad you are finding YOUR way forward 😊
I’m in my fifties to celebrating with you!😊
From 0 to 0.25. It was my life. Dr. Ramani you got it 150% again! If it wasn’t for you, I would never have figured out my mother has (mainly, but mix with other types) a volunrable narcissistic personality disorder. I broke myself to make my mother happy. I finally gave up at 50 to save myself.
I gave up when my mom basically chose money over the well being of my daughter. She could do things to me but not my children. A therapist told me once that I need to mother myself, care and fight for me as I would my children.
@anitah3258 I finally gave up at 40 too I realised my covert narcissistic mum was jealous because I was putting my 3 children before her.
@@tinacouling1572feel you!
I was getting nervous for a minute because of the description of the negative life view which I feel that’s how I am these days, that maybe I have some covert narcissistic traits. Raised by a diagnosed, malignant narcissistic mother and overly strict father, who both complained a lot growing up, I know I developed some of that type of personality. But I’m also a positive person, have a great empathy for people, love my kids and others dearly, and I’m extremely self-aware. My problem I think is I developed a lot of health issues over the years that are out of my control. That alone makes me feel helpless and depressed because I’ve lost the life that I had. My negativity of people and the medical field and my situation has grown over the past 10 years. I’m hoping since this video brought it more too light, I can work on that. I don’t like that about myself these days.
I’m right there with you, Langolin
You’re “allowed” to complain if rough things happen in your life. Also, if you’re spending a lot of time reflecting on your own thoughts and actions, I doubt you’re a narc.
These vulnerable ones go unrecognized most of the time. They keep changing the narrative according to their interests.
Hanging on by my fingernails, your videos give me the vocabulary and understanding of what has been happening over the last 11 years.
Totally agree. I watch every morning and always relate. It is like a dose of truth and reality to start that day.
Go gray rock now 😉 you’re stronger than you know!
Discerning the differences between these people like complainers and narcissists is just so difficult for me. This video helps me to discern. Philosophically, for what that’s worth! — it helps me to have a kind of radical acceptance about labels versus non labels: getting good at categorization is good for recognition of what something is psychologically. On the other hand, getting good at letting go of labeling and categorizing is also good. I think both are good. Both approaches are good.
Yes. We are not qualified to diagnose and we shouldn’t try. Instead we should focus on how people in our lives behave in these relationships, and give ourselves permission to opt out of abuse and toxicity.
I just told a vulnerable narcissist that this is not the kind of relationship I want any longer.
He said this is bullshit, I said yes me and my feelings will always be bullshit. I am willing to be the villain in his story.
I put a play list together, to encourage me that I can do this and I will be ok.
I’m hoping he is my last test and now all the healing I have done is working.
I can do this (walk away and not give in).💪🏻
Good for you!
“I am willing to be the villain in his story.”
That’s hitting hard. Thank you.
You’re stronger than you know 😉 also not his mother… he already has a source of mommy supply & you don’t need him 👍
I found these there are a lot by female singers on my playlist my favorite one is VAMPIRE by Olivia Rodrigo, Anti-Hero by Taylor, You should be sad by Halsey , and one really good GASLIGHTER by the Chicks .
Left my covert narcassistic Friday!! I am safe and the process to freedom begins!! Thank you Dr. Ramani, for everything you taught me.
You’ve got this girl. *hey siri, play Freedom by George Michael*
💪👏
You’re stronger than you know 👍 now break that trauma bond & no more codependency 😉
Reading your book for the first time right now and at the tail end of it, unreal. I’m shocked just how on to my mom I was but I just didn’t accept or know that she isn’t going to get better. I feel like a whole new chapter of my life is starting, It’s Not You is a gift from God.
I’ve found covert narcissists want constant care giving and looking after. They don’t want to do anything for themselves and seem downright lazy. It’s never enough and the minute you draw boundaries and limits you’re evil. Everything you have done for them gets forgotten and you’re the worse person ever.
Coverts are extremely lazy
Its like everything you do for them “just pissing in the wind…”
Extremely lazy!
This is 1000000% my ex husband
This my present husband@@mimi42428
My Mom was a vulnerable narcissist but one thing that she did to us children was pit us against each other. So life was a competition to see who could do more and win her affections but the finish line was always moved and the one in the lead always fell behind because they didnt do exactly what she wanted. If you bought her groceries you bought the wrong coffee.If you paid for repairs on her home the person you hired did it wrong. There is no pleasing a vulnerable because as you said everyone is against them.
You will learn how to stop doing nice things for them when they don’t offer to pay, rage on the phone to you about how you bought groceries. Learned quickly to remind them they had another child they could start calling on for assistance.
Point is that they are miserable human beings.
There’s nothing there. Period.
😢❤I feel your pain❤
Nothin is never enough and you’re always wrong in their view. There is no win with them.
Love booming? I learn about that. That’s why the best way that works for me to avoid that situation is to be independent, avoid co-dependency. Having no expectations about anything, basically not waiting for nobody doing nothing for me or giving me nothing. If I need anything I need to work or finding for my own ways but not thinking that any one will help me with nothing. And that is a huge difference love booming repellent tool. Thanks for sharing 🙏 peace and blessings to everyone
It’s true that not walking around being needy is one way to appear less appealing as a victim. I would just say, I hope you aren’t shutting your normal, healthy emotions off too much.
Growing up as a child with a narcissistic mum. It’s so draining. My sisters are 12 years older than me and moved out when 16. My triangulated all 3 of us. I was always made to feel sorry for my mum, always wanting and thinking I could fix her, never wanting to upset her and treading on egg shells. Now in my 40s I realised that she was a vulnerable narcissistic. My sisters realised at a young age. But it took me longer. I’m now in contact with my sisters. My mum gave me the silent treatment years ago because I said no to her. I have 3 children and I now live in peace. Xxx your videos helped me heal, thank you xxx
My Dad being co dependent just can’t see it. Always pandering after her. Always believing she is right, like I used too.
A few years ago I even told my Dad what I thought and I reckon he went straight to mum and told her. Great, more fuel for her. My Dad said, even if she is a vulnerable narcissist, we should help her. I knew straight away that that is what my mum told him to say.
Honestly, I realise I just can’t help them and there is nothing I can do.
It’s really hard but very horrible when it’s your mother, she the reason I ended up married to a malignant narcissist
When my sister told her vulnerable narcissist husband she wanted a divorce, the next day he started having panic attacks. He was convinced he had a heart problem, and went to multiple doctors who all told him his heart was fine. He kept having panic attacks, and had one at work. They sent him to the hospital, which pronounced him fine and put him in a taxi to go back to work. Unfortunately, the driver was drunk and got in an accident. So my brother in law ended up back in the hospital with a serious arm injury, and my sister decided she couldn’t leave him while he was injured. She stopped divorce proceedings, and a few months later died in her sleep at age 36. To this day, I can’t shake the feeling he was the cause of her death.
Oh my God, I am so sorry!
People telling me what I’m thinking or explaining to me why I did something are now a huge red flag, these people have always been so wrong that I’ve been stunned to silence – why would they think I would be so mean, it’s been extremely confusing.
I knew the why or what of what I did, and it was about being honest & truthful with them, I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone – yet I’m portrayed as sneaky, vindictive or manipulative.
I’ve only wanted openness and honesty- just tell me the truth.
None ever have.
I finally realized they aren’t capable of being honest, even with themselves.
It doesn’t matter what you do for them, they will not change. They will drag you down to their level and then blame you for their miserable existence. Nothing, I mean nothing will ever be enough for them. Get out while you can.
It’s horrifying when they are your parents. You will never be enough.
In my case the things that stand the most is the silent treatment, and the only little detail that makes things never good enough, which is frankly draining and heavy.
Being raised and enmeshed with a vulnerable narc is no joke. It feels like they are the hardest to leave, the way the guilt trip and gaslight.
Can confirm, they HATE to see you happy. Small or big joy, but ESPECIALLY when you’re truly in the moment because it DOESN’T include them (even if you’re trying to be happy WITH them). It’s the same when you are truly hurt – they can’t stand this either because the last bit of humanity in them recognizes your suffering but they NEED to make it about them. Vulnerable/coverts have the worst flying monkeys too.
I was in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. I ignored the red flags of him being no contact with his grown daughter and family of origin, taking his word that he was just a poor misunderstood soul who was unfairly blamed for everything. Of course when the honeymoon phase ended he ironically and predictably blamed ME for every disagreement and problem. I finally reached a state of utter apathy: “Oh, you’re mad at me. Again. Must be a day ending in ‘y.'” Since I no longer gave him supply, he broke up with me. Dr. Ramani, I appreciate your efforts in educating people about these toxic personality types; hopefully they can see the signs and get out more quickly than I did.