Fear is the LOVE LANGUAGE of the narcissistic relationship
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I am a 52 year old woman who is terrified of my 75 old mother. I’m not proud of it; I’m embarrassed about this and I’m working on it.
You have no reason to be embarrassed. Aging narcissists get worse. Have patience and grace for yourself ❤
Dr.Ramani is awesome She will help you make sense out of your mother’s craziness. The more you learn the more empowered you will feel! Before you know it, you’ll be setting boundaries (without guilt or shame)
I can feel that I fear my 87 yr old father. Yep. I’m caring for him and worry all the time about his needs and afraid I will disappoint him and everything Dr. Ramani said. Control, domination, manipulation, rage. It’s sick. It could and should be such a loving relationship andhe probably thinks it is. It isn’t. I don’t feel loved , appreciated or cherished. Anyway, hang in there. You aren’t alone and don’t be ashamed. It’s not you, it’s her and she doesn’t know how to love you. 🤗
Same I have to stay no-contact💔
I have the same problem and I am older than you 😢
Where there is fear there can’t be love. Fear and love don’t go together.
Wow! Those 2 sentences could change the world!
So true, that’s not love.
I appreciate you for all you do and are doing …. Thank you So much! 🙏🏻
I’m just noticing that I am never “allowed” to be happy in my own thoughts. I think narcissists can’t handle true joy or happiness. So they take it away and then breadcrumb you to control its flow. Now every time I feel a little peace or joy it’s always followed by thoughts that disrupt it.
Yes. That’s their m.o.
Yes, I’ve noticed that. It’s like they find other people’s joy disgusting.
Ngl, I don’t even know what would make me happy rn.
Knowing my kids are happy and feel safe makes me some sort of happiness, but other than that, idk… my life is and has been for the last 8y all “things that I have to do, like it or not” and not in ways that I wish I could’ve done them.
I just want peace, I want my dignity and freedom restored, I want to wake up in the morning without having to worry if my children and I are safe for another day or if we’ll have to move again.
I’ll think of my happiness after that craziness finally ends.
Fear is the opposite of love.
It’s the fear of them making a scene in public and embarrassing you. The fear of them abandoning you right at the moment they promised to show up. The fear of them being mean and abusive even though you’re treating them so well. The fear of having to let them go and drown in their own filth after loving them for so long. The fear of burying your loved one even though they’re still alive.
So true
This biggest contributor to the fear is the fact the rules are always changing so you can never avoid the punishment No Matter What! In addition to the dehumanization of never having your feelings or neeeds ever being a factor.
You will always be punished, even if you do exactly what they tell you to do. There’s always something wrong and it’s always your fault.
That is so true. I always was blamed for not following rules and not attending to his needs.. I am trying hard to get out of my 4 years relationship and it is almost impossible. I can’t date anyone else, I just want to be alone and I am ruminating
Heads they win, tails we lose…
I am minutes into this video. Pausing now before I loose this thought. “Domination by my neglectful, narcissistic husband is him talking over me.” It’s maddening. So DONE !!!
As someone with ADHD, I never mean to talk over people I love but sometimes I get too excited. Does that make me a Narcissist?
I think the fear factor with a narcissist is that they are capable of anything and you have no value to them.
This is so true. You have to be very careful when you decide to stand up to them. Some can be dangerous. Be very strategic when you start to pull away from them.
This is 💯 my brother and his wife. Mainly his wife, who if you disagree with her, stand up for yourself against her attacks, or say anything they don’t like, they punish us, rage at us and refuse to come to family dinners. It’s disgusting. Then they come back to the family when they feel like it or need something, and the enablers welcome them back like nothing happened. I can’t stand it. I keep my boundaries despite what they think. I get shamed and attacked no matter what I do, I have always been supportive yet they have been horrific to me, so I really do not want anything to do with them. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I’m with you
All true, sadly. And in my experience, the fear gets compounded when you yourself make a mistake, because to a narcissist, your mistakes are ammunition to be used against you forever. They have the most amazing ability to remember and draw on even your small mistakes and weaponize them against you. At some level you know this, and so you live in constant fear not only of the narcissist, but of yourself.
Any mistake they make, of course, is out of their mind in five minutes or less, and they will deny that it ever happened.
I have definitely felt that fear of a malignant narcissist. The unpredictability. The wondering just how far they’ll take things and when. The backlash I might get, for doing anything about it, from the narcissist and outsider, including leaving.
But, one of the worst, ongoing fears I have is two fold. That, once their mask begins to drop and/or I begin to pickup on those patterns and red flags, the two questions are, how much of my dang time have you taken up this far and how long is it going to take to rid myself of you?
All of the circus that they are, is a time suck. Everything from the mind games to the legal colosseum fighting to my own rumination, takes away from my time, sleep, life planning and creativity. It is a murder of sorts. That is why, when some enabler feels I’m not being empathetic enough, my thoughts is, “What the heck page are you on!?”
And the catch 22 is that they ultimately end up doing the exact thing that you fear anyway.
Reminding me of how grateful I am that I walked away.
I was just about to write a similar message.
The fear of not knowing what would happen when I get home from work was awful I would spend 15 minutes driving around town just trying to calm my nerves enough to go home cuz I never knew what to expect
A note from a domestic abuse survivor – if they’re breaking things to intimidate you, threatening to harm (or harming) children or pets, threatening self harm, or physically blocking your way to keep you from leaving a space, you are already experiencing domestic violence. And it will escalate.
I have said this but ofc I am accused of pretending to be a victim because I am scared. “I don’t beat you”
@@mememefinallythat‘s what people believed in the 1980s.. DV has changed! Men are not stupid enough anymore to give a woman a black eye and knowing they’d end up in jail. DV just like men, has evolved. Nowadays they specialize in covert tactics that are “not too obvious on the surface”, and that’s why they can get away with it for years without anyone suspecting sh!t, “he was such a good guy, I’ve known him for a decade, I never would’ve thought he’d be capable of doing such a thing, I never saw it coming!”. Why? Because they’re very pressurized ticking time bombs, one that day will come where they’ll go from “being an arse” sometimes to a total explosion, which always ends very tragically.
Please, have a serious sit down with your man and educate him on Dv (and note how he reacts!), cause he clearly doesn’t know and that is a liability for you to seriously consider.
The idea is to leave BEFORE we get hit. I do not recommend waiting for this to happen, him to potentially badly hurt you, to understand the danger you might be in with this man. His reaction and responses will give you everything you need to know about him.
Good luck, stay safe 🙏🏻
@@a.b.2850 It s not only men who are abusive. It’s a woman.
“If you don’t like it, you can leave”
Those that say that know very well their partner depends on them, they can’t get far on their own.
Making it way more disgusting
Oh, thank God, Dr. Ramani is addressing this issue.
My adult brother terrorized me and my elderly parents for several years until I developed PTSD. He’s no longer living with us but it’s been 3 years since he left but I am still in therapy trying to recover from his absolutely horrific behaviour.
Unless you have seen a narcissist rage, you would think that people who have been abused by narcissists are exaggerating when they describe their behaviour.
This made me grateful where I am now. I got my peace. Thank God🙏🏼