Finding AUTHENTICITY after escaping the narcissist’s CONTROL
Have you ever felt like you’re just a performer in your own life, playing by the narcissist's rules to avoid their wrath? Narcissistic relationships force you to shrink yourself, silencing parts of who you are just to get through the day. In this video, we dive into the healing power of finding spaces where you don’t have to perform – where you can finally just be you. It’s time to figure out what those spaces look like and why they matter.
Thank you for everything you do, Dr. Ramani. You are a lifesaver for all of us survivors!
She is a blessing indeed
That’s it ! To perform it’s exhausting! Plus a necessity when dealing with a narc. Ty Dr Ramani right on spot!
This really struck a chord, and is so true. I spent 40 years in a narcissistic relationship, which I left at 64. I am now 71 and realise that I have at last managed to be my authentic self, and now live a life of peace and joy (on my own). Better late than never! I am happy that these discussions are now taking place, and sincerely hope other people won’t take 40 years to understand what’s going on. My advice would be to get out as soon as possible.
Same ! Am am 68 and am so glad Dr Ramani showed me the truth about what is going on. Bittersweet but I hope I can pass this on to at least one person. Some won’t listen some join the game. This is finding the pearl of great price.
Agree. I stayed 7 years longer than I should have.
Enjoy being free.
Me too, 8 years and I could have left in the first year. I choose peace now.@@shilparathore3181
Im 62 and agree. I got out 4 years ago. Im living my best and happiest life now with my dog. Honestly, Ive never been happier. I will not even consider another man in my life.
Yay for us and thanks to Dr. Ramini and so many others on YouTube talking about these issus. I left after 38 years at age 66 and I too am much happier with peace and joy! Where there is a will there is a way out!
It’s the “right thing” in the Bizzarro World that narcissists created.
When you get back to your authentic self you’ll feel elated and free. And can breathe.
I really hope so. I’m not there yet. I’ve been out for three years and still don’t feel free, but I think I’m getting there slowing… I’m not sure.
I count. screw Phil, the narcissist.
I love being alone with my dogs! This is when I get my peace.
Same here. ❤
same
Thank you Dr Ramani, experienced someone who I let into my life. I was ‘guided’ into a certain way of thinking and action. I’d shared things I didn’t want to go further. That didn’t happen unfortunately. Loss of trust. There has now been distance, no doubt my name is mud so to speak. I’m okay with that, as my shoulders do not have to take the weight of their requirements anymore.
Breaking free from a narcissist’s control is like reclaiming your soul. Finding authenticity again is a journey of self-discovery and healing, and videos like this are a reminder that freedom and self-worth are worth fighting for.
Thank god cps ruined my childhood. Made me partially immune😂
Alone time is my favorite space to be in but now everyone thinks something is wrong with me and I don’t have the energy to explain it 🤦🏽♀️
Same here. I am comfortable alone. And have no energy to explain the whole complexity. Who’s got that much time? Of course, there is also shame. Why did I let him do these things?
I’m chronically ill, enjoyed my alone time before but now really need it. My narc father “you’re not ill, you’re anti social”, my narc mother “you need to waah your windows, clean your curtains wash your doors, blah blah blah blah” and “let’s go on holiday together”, no freaking way!
You would be wasting your time trying to explain this to people who don’t get it, and might even make it worse with enabling. Let them think something’s wrong. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Be at Peace.
For me, I am always analyzing what I said in a conversation. I could ruminate about that for days. I will sometimes start with debate in my head about what was ok to say and what I should not have said. As I said, I could ruminate about it for days and days, months or even years.
Yes! My mother caused ghat in me. Now I realise there was no point, she says whatever works for her and that changes depending how she feels. She will always win that game so now I avoid it. The rumination is a mind f.
@@bereal6590 Boy are you right there. The house was dominated by how my mother felt. If she was not happy, nobody was going to be happy. I remember when I was in grade school. If I came home and the house was really clean I automatically kept a low profile because she was going to be in a foul mood. It wasn’t anything I consciously thought, it was a learned response kind of like a Pavlov dog response.
@@marysisak2359 It just becomes unconscious, a part of us imo. We adjust to fit rather than them actually doing parenting. My main problem was my father, I had no choice but to look to my mother. The realisation of how she betrayed me in this not arriving for many decades. My father a ranger, my mother the withdrawal/silence and stone walling. ✌️
This is very powerful information. I was in a narcissistic relationship for almost 3 years, and it ended last month. I feel like the only safe space is when I am alone. I really didn’t understand what I was going through, the aggressive driving, throwing objects, constant triangulation, and physical threats, all because I would calmly say ‘no’ and walk away when the yelling and screaming became too intense. My heart goes out to anyone who is still trapped in a narcissistic abusive relationship. My easy and calm behavior was subject to extreme cruelty. I realize that I didn’t do anything wrong, no lies, no cheating, always supportive, always giving. I thank the Dr. for posting these yt videos, because they help me manage my thoughts.
It takes a full year to completely cycle out of that trauma bond due to cognitive dissonance & without strong boundaries as well as no contact this situation will repeat v with the narcissist or another more covert type. Don’t date but just stay with this strategy & your future will be brighter ✨
@caroleminke6116 Thank you for the insight. It means a lot to me. I never thought I’d be in this space of being.
This video made me realize that I do have a community, a family, where I can be my authentic self. Although it is virtual, it is real. That makes me feel good, and a little sad.
That’s true. My mother has told me nobody thinks, feels or talks like me. Apparently they DO! ✌
@ 👋
Awesome!!!! Thank you so much!!!👍❤👍
I’ll always be alone because that’s true for me as well. Other people just rob me of my peace so I’m just alone all the time and it feels grand
Wow, so Brilliant. So much to consider when looking for those times we can be ourselves without having our shoulders up around our ears. Thank you for clarifying definitions and what authenticity is not. I so appreciate how you know exactly what we need to hear and when.
I over compensated for the narcissists bad behaviour to be supportive of other family members that they hurt and to do the ‘right thing’ for the family. Only to then feel hurt by them sometimes as they can enable the narcs, and it was too draining for me. I do feel so shutdown that I forget who my authentic self is sometimes. Taking myself back. Finding a healthier balance and what’s authentic for me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I find I may be spending too much time alone cause I’m so tired of dealing with the narcs and enablers. I don’t know who to be around sometimes, so I now get lonely too. Trying to find those safe authentic spaces to be fully me. ❤
Alone. Yes. I think back on happy times during my years married to the narc….but he was never there. The happy times were when he was away at work and I was surrounded by my pets and the wildlife outside. When I question my decision to divorce and try to convince myself all was not bad….I then remember that all the times that WERE bad, he was there and my happiest times….he was not.
I 100% relate to this! My dog and our walks in nature helped me survive so many years in a bad marriage with a covert narcissist. I also looked back on my happy memories, and realized they were almost always when he wasn’t around. Grateful every day that I managed to break free.
This really hit home. While I was married to the narcissist I became a shadow of myself. Once I left and went to therapy I was becoming myself again, making decisions and doing things for myself because I wanted them. Then my mother’s abuse got really bad so I finally moved out. It was so peaceful being alone. She passed away in April 2023 and though I’m having to deal with legal issues related to her will, I am finally finding the peace of being alone and doing whatever I want. Thank you very much Doctor Ramani. Many blessings.
Lol, i used to prefer being alone to avoid their drama and conversation that will always end with rage.
When i finally get my peace by the silent treatment, they would try to reach out again accusing me of being with someone else and saying things like: “you make fights so you can have fun away from me, look how bad you are” 💀
They tried to isolate me from everyone and everything, so they could have me all for themselves. I used to see the world from their perspective which made me lose my self confidence and always got me in guilt trips only for doing things that just don’t please or benefit them, even though they were totally normal.
I’m glad i came out to realize what i was going through even though it took me years! It feels like i was brainwashed.
I finally got out of it and it was the best decision i ever made.