Has someone used LOVE to GASLIGHT you?
NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Love is not words … it is Behavior – how another shows up
Listening and hearing you and learning you !!!
And SEEING WHO YOU REALLY ARE..
Agree
I clicked so fast on this. My mom raised me on telling me she loves me more than anything else in the world while behaving like she couldn’t give a sh*t. I’ve only been able to fall in love as an adult with someone who treated me the same way. Now I’m single and praying to god the right one and I find each other some day soon. I know how to love now. Actions, actions, actions. ❤️
I relate to this so much 😢
same 🙁 at least now we know, i hope that day of finding a right one will be sooner than later for you both <3
@@heyyfirefly thank you and for you too love. Right now I’m all about taking things super slow and watching people reveal who they truly are before I invest myself in them.
@@shaynalee I’m so sorry to hear that you can relate, but so proud of us for leaning and striving to live healthy lives, with love! It’s so deeply challenging. I’m not wired to want what I need. Sending you love and strength! ❤️❤️
@@heyyfirefly thank you, sweet soul! ❤️
I guess a narcissist does it the whole relationship? It’s all a fake reality
The “actions speak louder than words” is still relevant. I wish I could have reminded myself until it was too late. Thank you for caring, studying, and applying your knowledge and and empathy 🌹
It IS actions that matter. Words are nice but only when authentic and a person needs to be able to discern when someone is “walking their talk”
❤
My narc would always argue that HE loves ME, but I don’t love HIM, when I was hurt by his numerous betrayals, or yet another lie. Because I guess (for his standards) if I “would love” him, I would forgive and forget everything and not “make a fuss” about it. But his “love” for me apparently accounted for betraying me, lying to me and insulting me every other week 💔 It really did mess up with my head though, because he was always so insistent with the “I love yous”…
Bingo! I can’t say I’ve had traditional betrayal but all the bizarre B S and emotional psycho crap has whittled away at any feelings for him which I fooled myself into thinking I had for him. And I’ve told him that all this stuff that has been swept under the carpet has done that but never changed anything
@@laurawilliams4034 I feel you 🫂 Every betrayal of our trust and commitment hurts, even if it can’t be qualified as “traditionally” understood betrayal, like cheating, for instance. In my case, he never “actively” cheated on me either, but done some real heavy stuff. And the worst part is that I’m still extremely trauma-bonded to him and think I still love him (I left the relationship 6 months ago, went no contact a week ago)…
@@agata_bylina If some one says they love me, I dont believe them anymore. Only actions matter for me
I think narcs themselves sometimes don’t realize that “I love what you DO for me/how your supply makes me feel” is not the same as “I love YOU.” No wonder we get hoodwinked! Sometimes they sound sincere because they are! (in their delusional narc way 👿) 🛡🧛♂After multiple narcs, having pre-set rules about the levels of reciprocity and empathy I’ll accept has helped me feel safe risking relationships again even knowing I might get deceived by someone’s words. Trusting mySELF to leave if their *ACTIONS* aren’t consistently kind and respectful is so much simpler and has been empowering and freeing! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!!! ❤
Mine does the same but along with demanding forgiveness demands trust with no recognition of the need to restore that trust.
It is the ultimate form of gaslighting along with saying sorry. Three yrs of physical, verbal, psychological abuse and he would say he is sorry and that he loves me. I left two years ago and I am battling c-ptsd everyday. Thank you Dr.Ramani for the tremendous help ❤
Me too but I’ve let ALL the trash take it self out and now I heal and seek strength
@@cherilee392 Hugs and wishing you the best on your healing journey!
@@peacefulphoenix0 awe thank you! Hugs🤗
According to them love is something we should have for them, but their love means throwing us under the bus.
Love is killed by words and nourished by actions
Well said!
Yes! This is what I’m dealing with right now- with in-laws weaponizing “love” and “family” to gaslight and guilt trip when you’ve set clear and concrete boundaries
Happened to me. His narc daughter got involved. He would do anything for her. He discarded me for his narcissistic daughter. After 14 years!!
Solidarity
My mother would always say I cried so much for you and this is how you treat me when one of us (her children) doesn’t jump when she wants us to do so.
I hear ya. I also get it from my daughter and sister I am so done with it.
lol 😝 narcissists never love – they seek supply
“A little less conversation and a little more action please!” – Elvis Presley
Real love is wiping their face when they pewk, sitting together and working out the bills, – holding them and being held when you watch tv, helping them, LISTENING and HEARING and saying it back…helping them build a wall in the garden, for the herb bed, running them a nice bath when they have been working hard and are stressed – BUT it is encouraging the same kind of behaviour (and respect) from them.
Love is action, love is what you do for each other, words are pretty but that’s all just words. I show you with my actions my love for you, you show me with your actions that you love me.
A guy who recently stole from me had given me a hug, just before his theft.
I’m retired at 27, went from Grass to Grace. This video here reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $35k biweekly and a good daughter full of love ❤️
I’m highly inspired.
Please spill some sugar about the bi-weekly stuff you mentioned.
I raised 75k and Christina Ann Tucker is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Christina A. Tucker is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note!:: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!!
Wow 😱 I know her too
Miss Christina Ann Tucker is a remarkable individual whom has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life.
I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH!
< I know that woman(Christina Ann Tucker) If you were born and raised in new York you'd know too, No doubt she is the one that helped you get where you are!!
EXACTLY!!!!💯💯💯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 ! Someone treating you like garbage and insisting that they “love” you is a sick and twisted thing. It’s a disgrace to the beauty of actual love, especially when their behavior is destructive as can be. The messaging from them is abuse=love , and then they act like you’re insane for not going along with it. HORRIBLE!!! 🤮🤮🤮
You know what I’ve discovered about the saying, “He treats me like garbage” is exactly on point.
Because what happens with garbage? He tends to ignore the trash until it’s overflowing and he can’t ignore it any longer so he finally takes it out.
Same with our relationship, he ignores me until I get tired of it and I make a “stink” about it, and then he can’t ignore it any longer. So then he “takes the trash out” (asks forgiveness) then the trash starts filling up again, and the cycle starts again.
@@dls5690 🎯🎯🎯🎯exactly!!!!!!
IT IS the ultimate gaslight! He says to me and all our kids all the time “love is a decision.” No, it is not. It IS a way of being in this world. When you ARE love and loving you attract it to you because you are IT. You experience what you ARE. No need to demand it from anybody when you are IT. That is my new understanding. I am complete in and of myself!
The self-serving nature and all the other behaviors of narcissists you mentioned Doc prevents them from even experiencing love in a healthy way, if at all. You can’t give what you don’t have.
I was told “I thought we were going to do a reset!” Translation: You forget about everything while we continue with the same behaviors.
No thanks.
A narcissist loves what you do for them. Period.