Have you gone to extremes to get someone’s love? Was nothing you did good enough? Did you overachieve, change the way you look, or give up something important?
Renowned trauma specialist @FrankAndersonmd joins The Dr. Ramani Network and shares invaluable wisdom on how to heal.
So many lightbulb moments in this conversation!
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The first cut is the deepest..
I had an absent father and distant mother. I am genuinely struggling with building strong connections because distance isn’t an issue for me to the point that it’s an issue with my partners.
Frank I am so proud of you, I hope You are Proud of YOURSELF! And although we haven’t been acquainted I Love You. Just because. …,Just the way you ARE. Unconditionally . ❤ Seanserre
Yes, as children who are raised by Narcissists we seek and need validation and love so desperately and it creates inauthenticity.
Constant striving and wanting to work harder to get love and even self validation.
Until you run out of gas. This was when the reql healing and self awareness began for me. I began turning my focus inward instead of outward. And it’s hard work. But I believe it’s the moat rewarding. Healing begins when we stop striving and begin self differentiation and self awareness. When we begin to wrestle those lying 😈 and fears of not being good enough. When we are good enough. The more I heal and validate myself the more people who are toxic are left behind. Family, acquaintances, co worker’s all gone!
Keep going and stay focused.🎉❤
Me 2 💔@66
It does take a HUGE amount of work to undo the damage and our programming. As Paulo Coelho put it: “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
@christelleny absolutely 💯 beautiful! Agreed. That takes time. But to me it’s worth seeking.
Well f-ing said DR R!!!
Love yourself
For any love at all when raised in a home with 2 only children of narcissistic mothers 💔❤️🩹♥️ no human affection & put everything into school, too. Barnard College Russian major & UCBerkeley grad school. Finally gave up on impressing anyone & went no contact with both now divorced parents as well as sick siblings from that dysfunctional family that was really an enemy camp
I think people who have been in narcissistic relationships have struggled with this.
Frank is my hero. Parents didn’t know I’d applied to any colleges, but when I told Mom I got in to UC Berkeley she said I couldn’t go. I could only go to the local community college or nothing, so I went back to formal school at 58 and finally got that degree. No thanks to family. I’m more educated than them, but still the family scapegoat. All I wanted was to feel like I fit with them somewhere besides blood ties and THE designated person to blame for dysfunction.
Okay, now you’re my hero. I’m going to go for my second chance, at an advanced age, to get the degree I need to be able to do the things I want and love to do. ❤
As a child I used to wish for a magic wand or magic spell or something that could change my personality from my own to that of one of my cousin’s. My cousins were those whom my parents acted more caring towards than they ever acted towards me.
Wow, that’s true for me too 😢
That’s because they were being fake to them. Like playing perfect parent.
Frank is one precious man! You are very much loved, appreciated, valued and cherished. Don’t ever forget that! ❤ And so are you, Doctor! ❤
He has such an amazing energy ❤❤❤ it shines through the screen !!! Go Frank 🎊 🎉
❤❤❤❤❤he is so gentle and loveable
My parents sabotaged my education on top of no love ever tried studying in a room with no heating or light..then they laughed when I failed
@@plumduff3303 👀
💁♀️💚
My parents did the same. Both my parents are narcs. They sabotaged my education and my career. Always before my exams they would tear and throw away my books and give me loads of household chores to do and not allow me to have proper food, eat or sleep. Every single day with them I used to get beaten up mercilessly. Yet I would clear the exams with good scores and then they would say I cheated in exams or that I slept with the professor… life is horrible with them…
Can you please make a video geared towards teenage kids who are undergoing narcissistic abuse from a parent/s?
My mother all my childhhod was saying: you are too sensitive, and that there are 2 kind of people with wrak or strong psyche and you are with weak. For long time I was thinking im broken and there is something wrong with me. After 35+ I educated myself and also i had problems in life in relationships and in work in relationships with women managers and I disovered my mother has narcistisric traits. Im 2nd year in therapy believing i will start feeling and believing im enought and i can have a good life and job.
Children of narcististic parent deal when adults with many things: perfectionism, people pleasing, trauma, anxiety, over or under achieving, not loving themselfs or feeling not enought feeling to have to be someone else, being HSP or empath. And more?
What if a person no longer seeks visibility, acceptance, or love after going through this?
It does take a HUGE amount of work to undo the damage and our programming. As Paulo Coelho put it: “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
That was me. Well on my way to the Ivy League all in order to achieve so that I could be lovable. I really enjoyed your video with Patrick Teahan where you two talked about how the bottom line with all narc and abusive relationships is about trying to get a difficult person to love you back. Oof. I felt personally attacked! THIS IS SO SPOT ON! At least now I know where it comes from. And that, one day, I’ll recover.