Have you pulled a “DESPERATION TRIANGULATION” on the narcissist?

@aninterestedparty1426 says:

I did that, with my sisters. I was the primary caretaker of our elderly mother, keeping her in her house, etc., while one of my sisters, the one that was retired, financially ok, lived an easy-to-drive 15 minutes away, with no kids, no grandkids, no partner, but with a dozen cats, was not volunteering to help me out on some kind of a Schedule. She was in “stop over” mode, rolling in when she felt like it. One day she’d pull up at 3:30, the next 4:45, maybe 7:00, maybe 5:30, depending. Depending entirely on how her day was going. Some days not at all. Never any kind of heads-up or notice. That was a bridge too far. Then the first thing she’d do upon entering the kitchen was pour herself a drink, sit down, and start talking about herself! She’d stay until she felt like leaving. She’d do a few things that she thought she would do, have the dinner, that I prepared, with our mother and that she microwaved, watch CNN, like that, and call it a day.

I was there 24/7 and exhausted, but knew exactly what her response would be if I asked her to, you know, do her fair share. So when my other sister would visit (2 or 3 times a year, from 300 miles away) I’d use her as an intermediary to present my ideas for improving the situation. I asked “the good sister” from the North to pitch my plan of a Scheduled week where the local uncooperative sister would top by 5 days week, from 2 or 3 in the afternoon until 7 or 8 at night, depending on the season, with me getting a “vacation” on Saturdays from noon to 8:00 p.m. The Good Sister, who was on good terms with the local self centered sister because she would listen to her, hold her psychological hand for hours — hours at a time — over wine of course, over late night sessions when in town, said OK.” The Good Sister presented my plan — and it was accepted, after first being dismissed out of hand as unnecessary. But the Good Sister pressed on and convinced her. A month later my local sister presented my plan to me as if it were Her plan, and of course never mentioning that the Good Sister from the North had had anything to do with it. But I played along with her deception because I got . . . a schedule.

Of course I continued to set my sister up, having the house all ready in every way for her when she arrived. And the schedule held for about a year, until she decided she “needed a break.” So we went to 4 days a week for her. And that lasted about a year, until — and by now our mother was in a wheelchair — she needed more or a break, and wanted to go to 3 days. And the above is a much abbreviated version of the dance I had to do to keep such a person at least partially on board when it came to doing the minimum. Well, there it was. Our mother died. And the night we got back from the funeral home, the three of us — my two sisters and myself — were in the kitchen, and, “naturally,” the attention was on the uncooperative one. She was sitting, the good sister and I were standing near her, and she actually said, unprompted by anyone, that “I don’t feel guilty at all. All I feel is sorry for myself.” I couldn’t believe it, and yet of course, I could, coming from her. I said nothing, disgusted, and went upstairs, to the third floor. Even the good sister couldn’t take it, and she retreated to her old room on the second floor. And that’s how it ended the day we got back from the funeral home: the three siblings on three different floors. True (& sad) and a much abbreviated story.