Have you SELF SABOTAGED in a narcissistic relationship?
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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Please pray for me.
God bless you
I will pray for you. If things are that bad reach out to someone
My daughter is the perpetual ‘victim’ in nearly everything she does…this breaks my heart..nothing ever works for her..I cant figure it out..ssoo sad.
🙏
❤i will pray for you
Gratitude for the work you do…from the islands of Trinidad & Tobago 🇹🇹
Don’t give up on self. Self preservation is very much needed to survive.
🙏🌹🐉
Yes. Self sabotague could even be the *perceived result* of someone’s survival response to manipulation, negligence, gaslighting, or scapegoating.
very true, thank you for this insight Dr Ramani!😀
Being A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse Horrific Emotional Abuse.
I Let Myself Go
1/ Neglected My Self Care Needs.
2/ I Lost All My Hair.
3/ Neglected My Health.
4/. Questioned My Abilities.
😢me too
Going through this now again. Another relapse in the cycle. I have woken up to a lot and still in deep. Feeling desperate to get out of this hole!
@@Olivia-ScottSame. Every time I think I’m over him, a thought or memory pulls me back into the pain…
But those times of pain and emotional suffering are getting shorter each time it happens. The pain still tears my heart apart, but I also realized that he’s not a genuine person, never was obviously, and that shall be the light on my path forward.
I wish someone would make him feel and suffer like he made me feel and suffer, but I know he’s not capable of those deep emotions, at least not in a true and genuine way.
So I’ll just wait for Karma to punch him and keep going my way – far away from him.
F him and his dishonest shenanigans.
10,5 months and my heart is slowly recovering.
Never again!!
Go to hell, dude. And take your fake “friends”, who are just like you, with you.
Thank you, @Dr. Ramani. You are amazing and I’m so glad to have your wisdom and advices to hold on to. 🙏🏻💗
@Olivia-Scott Im.So Incredibly Sorry I Understand..
@@chelljackson9780😢
They make you feel incompetent because it makes them feel superior by default. The same manner I will treat those people when they are in peril. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see one of your “attackers” bleeding out on the side of the road and be able to look at them and state ” your perception is wrong, its all in how you look at it, we all make our choices, etc.” All with a smile. I’m not a mean person by nature but I have changed since I seem to be surrounded by enemies and posers, I have no problem being passive in a life or death situation if it is the demise of a demon infested meat suit. It will protect others too.
Like mirroring the narcissist back to themselves. I get it.
That’s what my 2nd step Dad did to me after my 1st sep Dad used and abused me in the worst way a child can be used and abused then my own mother blamed me for what her husband did to me from the ages of 6 to 15. Then she lied about it and married a powerful and connected man, and together, the two of them smear campaigned me and lied about me in the community and scapegoated me. Then it was decades of being mocked and made fun of and put downs from him and his side of the family as well as my mother’s. AS IF I at 6 yrs of age, I decided to have an affair with my stepfather!
My families lack of compassion and cruelty towards me and what they did to me, and then for them to laugh at me and make fun of me and yell at me to” just get over it”
The way my 2nd step Dad always treated me with contempt and anger because I was already traumatized at 14 by the time he came along, and I wasn’t going to put up with his abuse after what I already had been through which just enraged him and put another target on my back, because how dare I complain about being ABUSED!. I wish just for 5 minutes my abusive family could self reflect and look back and feel and understand how it FELT to be hated on by them! Because 1st I was S/A by my 1st step Dad then mocked and harrassed and punished for it by my 2nd step Dad! And though I will never do anything to any of them except speak my truth because they are not worth it, I want them to know how it felt to be me just once! I do understand! Peace ☮️
@@michellehumphreys it would be nice if they would step up to the plate but they won’t. Just to let you know you’re not alone in this narcissistic cruel mess.
@SherryTomlinson-r2y
Thank 💗 you. And thanks to a whole bunch of really smart therapists, I am starting to understand that and why because they can’t admit what they did to their child even to themselves, let alone to the rest of the world, so they double down and become even more abusive to keep me silent and they have for decades. When all I/ WE want is to be heard and believed and understood. Thank 💗 You!
@@michellehumphreys Ty too 💕
You were so helpful for me thank you
Remember physical fitness and health will will keep you around to help us. Thank you.
Some know their 🦇outlaws 🦇 will come in and wipe the floor with you and potentially injure your own even more. Trying to keep it all together for all is tiring. Troubleshooting gets you nowhere, and it’s not your fault!
I’m glad you brought this up. Thank you. Narcissistic parents (and later toxic parters) use shame to manipulate. This results over time in demoralization (invalidation), guilt and self blame; often manifested as self destructive and even masochistic behaviors, later in life. The off loading of a narcissist’s self hatred per projection is a huge part of this reaction also. Regardless, if you are told enough that you’re worthless and your feelings are irrelevant, no matter how highly functioning you may be as an adult-you eventually come to believe the false self the narc creates by way of their unrelenting abuse and triangulations; without knowing what you’re doing or why. Self awareness helps but old habits are hard to break. I have to monitor and analyze myself to prevent self sabotage (faulty defense mechanisms) all the time.
I appreciate your contributions to this conversation very much!
The hardest thing in life with a narcissist is to be able to to what you want to do, that makes you happy.
Yep
Ditto
I think I’ve spent so much energy just trying to survive this relationship that I have nothing, or very little, left to give. That coupled with how the narcissist kills self confidence makes for lack of motivation to do ANYTHING which might resemble self sabotage
Self sabotage. When you didn’t learn you are ‘good enough’. 🙏
Oh boy, yes. Not only did I engage in career and friendship “self-sabotage,” I even caused physical wounds and scars to make it easier for me to say no to sex, or meeting. I also developed OCD tendencies and severe anxiety. Interesting how all this disappeared when I walked away.
I blamed myself for not being brave enough with social interactions and sabotaging myself, I know this is not my fault though I have never been realized that I just wanted to be so safe, safe enough that I were the air that people unable to see. Thank you for this❤
Edit: I also quit my 2nd toxic job recently, facing with a lot of grief and shame in myself, and avoiding people again at all cost, almost becomes anti social.
I finally understand my frequent dreams of floating above people “in the air,” as you said, just out of their arms’ reach. So very interesting.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, one day at a time.
I definitely appreciate this topic! My fiancé and I have been working out our own issues around when one of us is actually acting from a trauma response and not being present, we tend to have self sabotaging behaviors.
Both of us have promised to look out for each other, and it’s been a year so we can start to acknowledge when we can see some of those patterns arise. My biggest goal was for us to break the shame cycle around the unconscious trauma responses that we’ve survived from. Because both of us deserve a chance to continue to do our healing work and build a healthy relationship.
For me self sabotage is the “shadow’s” way of protecting ourselves, even if though it prevents ourselves from a potential new experience-with healthier people.
Thank you again for these opportunities to grow and see things through clinician’s eye and a community of survivors 🙏🏻
Such important information. Thank you ❤
Wow, Brilliant. Self Sabotage is NOT a character flaw. It’s an involuntary desire for safety. From that context, we can stop kicking ourselves.
Yes yes yes yes!! My thoughts exactly!!
This explains how I feel with family gatherings now. Unsafe psychologically and emotionally because of the abusive narcissists. I don’t want to be around it. My family thinks I’m being unforgiving and difficult, but I don’t care anymore. Protecting myself for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Feeling psychologically unsafe, which leads to self-sabotage, i.e., a form of self-protection. Brilliant! I have wondered about my capacity to upheave various adequate situations in my life–preferring to throw it all away rather than wait for the next inevitable shoe to drop. So very interesting.
I see it as walking on eggshells to avoid and prevent the emotional abuse aimed at us by the narcissist. I’ve been doing this my entire life, all 71 years of it.