He Gives MIXED and Confusing Signals | Don’t Do THIS!

@coach_amy says:

Single motherhood is lonely and it’s tough to not have an ally in life in general but especially as a parent. Sharing intimacy with another person creates a sort of “imprinting” situation, especially for a woman and a woman who needs an ally. The hope gets up that you just might not have to do life alone anymore, you just might have met your person. And any gifts to help out (such as money) or helpful actions just increases all of the above.

But then there are red flags. Once imprinted, once vulnerably exposing yourself, once having a glimmer of hope, and with time continuing on (time: creating a “history”), it’s not easy to walk away–it’s sort of like having identity stollen. If you walk away, you can’t get those pieces of yourself back; the other person has those pieces now. As time goes on further, it’s hard to admit, “I made a huge mistake.” So then, there is the desperation to try to change the person to attempt to make the other person not a mistake.

My last relationship, for 5.5 years, was this. And this cat-and-mouse game was how my family of origin was, including my holding out hope for love and caring. I repeated those relationships in partners.

Additionally, these types of relationships act out a sort of self-punishment, with the other people providing our deep emotional pain experience from the outside (while we do it from the inside)–even if it’s subconscious.

Yes, as an empath, it’s easy to see people’s authentic Selves underneath their dysfunction, corruption, and trauma. But we have to protect that gift, protect our hearts, and save it for the right person. We have to trust our intuition and not let old messages take over (about how wrong we are for needing what we need, wanting to give what we want to give, about how something is wrong with us, that we can’t see what we know is there, etc.)

To let go of my last ex, I’ve had to get myself to finally believe that person will never change, will never heal. And I was absolutely wrong for ignoring all the red flags that were there from the start. I was wrong for moving forward with such a person. And I had to allow the “identity” (pieces of me) that this person has of me to die away, cut my losses and start again with humility and self-care. And be willing to be incredibly lonely (and even terrified sometimes). I won’t settle again. I know that for sure.